Meanwhile, Lily the spaniel (now an alligator) attempts to cope with transmigration: "I think I'm finally becoming one with my new identity. Nobody realizes I'm the lovely and gifted Polly Perky who writes for Mammal Magazine, and since I can write from home, I've moved to the Everglades, where I've made a new circle of friends. Look, guys -- at 2 o'clock -- it's another environmentalist in a rowboat. DIBS!!!!" (Photo by J.M. Hilton)

From Polly Perky's advice column in Mammal Magazine: "Dear Tormented Endangered Species, I have several suggestions for you which may or may not involve eventual suicide. You could hire a PR mole to glorify your parched image, or you might consider going back to Russia with Vladimir the Siberian. You possess most of the vices he admires, and in a giving moment he could make you president of an oppressed province filled with babes and vodka. If all else fails, I would suggest that you steal somebody's identity and become part of the upcoming diplomatic mission demanded by Queen Ava of the Gummy Bear Galaxy. You strike me as vicious enough to keep her amused for a time, and who knows how far you can climb, especially without Vinnie and his cans of nerve gas? Best of luck always, Polly Perky"~

From Polly Perky's advice column in Mammal Magazine: "Dear Former Space Alien who is also my ex-husband, try reasoning with your boss. If that doesn't work, you do speak 176 languages, for Dog's sake, in fact two or three quite well. See if you can nail a spot on the diplomatic mission to the Gummy Bear Galaxy. It will, figuratively speaking, keep you out of my hair...and while we're at it, please remember to keep said hair mat free by using a good conditioner while you're away. Licks and Tail Wags, Polly Perky"~ (Photo by J.M. Hilton)

"For all of ten glorious minutes I was a cosseted endangered species. Now I'm a back to being hunted down by Vinnie's Vermin Vanquishers. Slithy sphagnum moss! Help me, Captain Amoreda! (Cartoon by A.G. Oscard)

"Captain Amoreda, ah, I mean LILY, I'm sorry I tried to devour you. It was mean and stupid of me, and I need your advice. Vladimir the Siberian dictator wants to take my employer home with him, which will leave me completely stranded. Can you help?"/"Oh, great! An advice-spewing alligator! What a croc! Hey -- hold on a minute! This just might be the inspiration I need!" (Photo by J.M. Hilton; critter compo by Lynda Hilton)

"In fact, you've become so good at running other creatures' lives, I'd like to offer you a job as an advice columnist with Mammal Magazine, you hideous swamp awful ugly, you. Of course, we'll need to Chinese things up a bit via a winsome picture that's definitely not you -- but scratch our back and we'll scratch the disgusting scales on yours, dearie." (Photo by J.M. Hilton)

"If nothing else, I'm at least employed and have a place to live. An alligator with an IQ of 300 guarding a piece of vermin with an IQ lower than my belly! This is untenable! When I was Lily, the spaniel, I was adored and worshiped. Everybody loved me! Why, I was kidnapped fifteen times! Now nobody wants to be around me! This can't go on. Things have to change! I have to figure out a way to turn the mess I'm in to my advantage!" (Photo by J.M. Hilton; critter compo by Lynda Hilton)