"Hello, this is Sally King-Charles for LDHD, and tonight I'm previewing a new show coming to the XOXO Network in February. It's called CANINE CONSPIRACY. Let's have a look....." (Photo by J.M. Hilton)

"This is former pack leader Ace Melrose at the Lincoln Park Airport. A poodle I recently met by a hydrant informed me that the New World Order is secretly building a dog park under the terminal here -- and it's slated to be ready in 2012. Mighty suspicious, I'd say. In fact, the story absolutely reeks of a government, Wall Street, military, AKC conspiracy and cover-up. For all we know, there might even be a few space aliens involved...or Spuds MacKenzie's evil twin brother. You know. THEM." (Photo by J.M. Hilton)

"Ah, here's my partner Melrose Ace, pretending he barely knows me. Find anything suspicious around here, Mel?"/"Uh, yeah, Mace...I mean, Ace. I spotted a hound in the biscuit bar pawing through a book by Dan Brown." (Photo by J.M. Hilton)

"Right out in the open? Wow! Have these vicious, plotting canines no shame whatsoever?" (Photo by J.M. Hilton)

"Guess not, Ace -- and it looks like a great new season coming up! Why, if I couldn't rent 'Woofing In The Rain' for the 138th time from Muzzleflix, I think I might do something drastic with my widdle puppy choke collar." (Photo by J.M. Hilton)

"And now a little questionable effusion for one of our sponsors...Hawk Airlines." (Photo by J.M. Hilton)

"Flying Hawk Airlines is a once-in-a-lifetime experience, particularly if you're an edible rodent." (Photo by J.M. Hilton)

"Lucky for you, we're always willing to take a handsome bribe." (Photo by J.M. Hilton)

"Meaning I suffered only mild cardiac arrest on takeoff and landing. The rest of the time I was mercifully unconscious." (Photo by J.M. Hilton)

Meanwhile...."All aboard the Little Train That Could...but probably won't." (Photo by J.M. Hilton)

"My Dog! We're out of food! We're out of water! We've yet to make a poop stop, and half the passengers are ready to turn feral. How long have we been on this ##!!%% train?" (Photo by J.M. Hilton)

"About four hours!" (Photo by J.M. Hilton)

"See what I mean? If we'd flown Hawk Airlines, we'd either be there or be dead." (Photo by J.M. Hilton)

"Hawk Airlines...it's not for the squeamish, but it might be your only alternative to Unmitigated Hell." (Photo by J.M. Hilton)

"Nonsense. You can always run off with the gypsies!" (Photo by Beth J.)

"Look, it's only a suggestion!" (Photo by J.M. Hilton)

"If it's all the same to you, I believe I'll just stay home." (Photo by J.M. Hilton)