"Somebody help me! There's a team of global-warming experts trapped under here!" (Photo by J.M. Hilton)

"My Dog! This world is an absolute mess! Somebody really ought to do something about it!" (Photo by J.M. Hilton)

"It's not enough to steal your neighbor's Booda toys, Mr. Hound. You must also steal the box they came in."/"I think an extra-dry martini followed by a bay at the moon might be in order about now. Wouldn't you agree, old son?" (Photo by J.M. Hilton)

"I used to be married to a senator, but he dumped me for an heiress from a big flea-collar family." (Photo by J.M. Hilton)

"An evil alien kidnapped me and turned me into an amphibian stalker -- but now I'm on the right medications and a prince of a fellow again. Want to go out?" (Photo by J.M. Hilton)

"Want to find a compatible mate? First check your medicine chest~" (Photo by J.M. Hilton)

"I've got your chew toys!"/"I've got your bones!"/"I've got the big states!"/"I've got the delegates!"/"Want to be my vice president?"/"Want to be mine?" (Photo by J.M. Hilton)

"But the real question is... who's going to answer that dog whistle at 3 a.m.?" (Photo by J.M. Hilton)

"From the sublime to the ridiculous, or the absurd to the glorified....behold the new Lily!" (Photo by J.M. Hilton)

"Since I now have an IQ of almost 300, I've decided to discover the cure for rabies!" (Photo by J.M. Hilton)

"The road to hell is paved with good intentions."/"The road to hell is paved with big pretensions!" (Photo by J.M. Hilton)

"Why not show your good intentions by dropping off a bag of toys at a local animal shelter? Can't hurt, and it might even earn you points with You Know Who." (Photo by J.M. Hilton)

"I can't afford to feed my puppies!" (Photo by J.M. Hilton)

"In this period of economic uncertainty, please give generously to the humane society of your choice...or go out, knock back a quart of dogwood juice, and dream of chasing cars." (Photo by J.M. Hilton)