A SHOOTING DURING A SHOOTING!
Hot young reality series star Denny Downboy was almost peppered with buckshot while shooting a scene from King Frog's new show, "American Stalker," early yesterday afternoon. "Missed me by bloody inches!" snarled Denny, who vowed to find the perp and "wipe the park" with him. Mr. Downboy, who was recently featured in "Ramrod 7" and "Terminator 111," was rushed to a local veterinary clinic and placed under sedation. "Denny will be just fine," his agent assured his fans, "and this is fabulous PR for him and for the show." (Photo by J.M. Hilton)

Mr. Downboy's scintillating costar Fiona Chippendale (formerly Flare Astoria on 'Scandal Spaniel') had this to say: "Well, I feel just devastated for Denny. I mean, he wasn't seriously hurt. In fact, he wasn't hurt at all, and my boyfriend IS a better actor. But I'm just devastated that something like this could take place at the start of our new series. Just devastated." (Photo by J.M. Hilton)

"I feel that a reality series needs to be as REAL as possible. Don't you agree, my dears?" (Photo by J.M. Hilton)

"My twin brother robbed the Bowser Bank of France of seven-billion in assets, and I'm set to mate with Carla Bruni's dog, Sophie, who probably won't have me now. Things were easier when I was a Lincoln Park presidential candidate!" (Photo by Stephanie C.)

"Ask yourself what Mary-Kate would do, chump change!" (Photo by J.M. Hilton)

"We live in such interesting times, do we not, my dears?" (Photo by J.M. Hilton)

Former Lincoln Park presidential candidate Sir Vinney Poodle strolls through a Paris park and muses: "A computer genius just robbed a top French bank of seven-billion in assets? I wonder if my twin brother Baron Valentine could be in town?" (Photo by Stephanie C.)

"Today pseudo-scientists announced that a NASA photo showing the surface of Mars also includes a picture of what appears to be a man feeding a biscuit to a dog. 'Wow!' commented King Rockie I of Lincoln Park, and his sentiments were echoed by canine leaders from Dogtown, USA, to the Maldives." (Photo by J.M. Hilton)

"Hmmm. Politically speaking, this news couldn't have come at a better time, right?" (Photo by J.M. Hilton)

"This so figures! The aliens are in cahoots with the Illuminati and the AKC! They caused the bowser market to plummet; they're behind moral decay and dog breath -- and they're planning to FIX the Iditarod!" (Photo by J.M. Hilton)

"I can think of at least two space aliens who are currently running for president...." (Photo by Stephanie J.)

"Aren't you about ready for an abrupt change in your form of misgovernment?" (Cartoon by OZ; wit by Ambrose Bierce.)

"I went to the bear market and found it really grizzly." (Photo by J.M. Hilton)

"No bull?" (Photo by J.M. Hilton)