Previously on LDHD: "Hi, there. This is Pericles Muldoon for LDHD's Weird News..." (Photo by J.M. Hilton)

"A while back, a woman in San Francisco 'married' the Eiffel Tower, and more recently, a Korean man said 'I do' to his cuddly pillow. The question we're throwing out like a used pooper bag is this -- are you bat-scrabble mad enough to ever consider marrying an inanimate object?" (Photo by J.M. Hilton)

"Tell me the truth, eerie old codger in the park...you're made of metal, aren't you? And so's Buddy!" (Photo by J.M. Hilton)

"Oh, my Dog -- I've been such a fool! And to think...I left my last husband because I thought he had a heart of stone!" (Photo by J.M. Hilton)

"I got my census form in the mail yesterday. Did you get yours?"/"Yep. Already filled it out and sent it back!" (Photo by J.M. Hilton)

"What breed did you say you were?" (Photo by J.M. Hilton)

"Why, Beagle, of course. What breed did you put down?" (Photo by J.M. Hilton)

"Designer Dog!" (Photo by J.M. Hilton)

"DESIGNER DOG? Isn't that looping the leash just a tad? You know, you can get into big trouble for lying on your census form. Designer Dog -- indeed!" (Photo by J.M. Hilton)

"Bite my dew claw! My mother was a Whippet and my father was a Milanese Versace! And OF COURSE nobody ever lies on their census form! That would be like lying to the IRS!" (Photo by J.M. Hilton)

"Well! And I thought my mother was getting pretentious when she told me my father came from a boulevard instead of an alley!" (Photo by Steph J.)

"I can't find it around here!" (Photo by J.M. Hilton)

"It's not buried under the snow!" (Photo by J.M. Hilton)

"And it's definitely not over there!" (Photo by J.M. Hilton)

"Give up the futile search, my dears. This year, not even the leprechauns have a pot to plop peat in." (Photo by J.M. Hilton)

"But at LDHD, we hope you'll still keep rolling in the shamrocks and have a Happy St. Patrick's Day~" (Photo by J.M. Hilton)