LDHD Presents: Why Dogs Should Never Read Tolstoy..."The beautiful Natasha struggles through the snow in an effort to reach her wounded lover, Prince Andrei." (Photo by J.M. Hilton)

"No longer is she aware of the freezing Russian winter. All her thoughts...her hopes, her dreams...are with her beloved..." (Photo by J.M. Hilton)

"LuLu! If you don't poop in the next ten seconds, Mom says neither one of us is going to get a biscuit dipped in beef broth!" (Photo by J.M. Hilton)

"You don't even know anybody named Andrei!"/"Damn!I know you got a bigger biscuit than I did!" (Photo by J.M. Hilton)

Previously on LDHD: A most peculiar object known as the Damn Doggone came to Mastiff Moor... (Photo by J.M. Hilton)

...and then it left Mastiff Moor. And things might never be the same. (Photo by J.M. Hilton)

"This is Icarus MacGregor out on muddy Mastiff Moor for LDHD perfectly silly-nilly news again! It seems that the UFO allegedly identified by conspiracy ace, Ace Melrose, has vanished. You heard me correctly, folks. The Damn Doggone is gone! As for me, I couldn't be happier. I'm ###!!! sick of standing out here on this soggy moor with my paws soaking wet and my undercoat dripping. While you mutts back at the studio gnaw on beef bones and play tug-of-war, I'm out here interviewing surly drunks and crackpots curs who see flying saucers. Frankly, I hope all of you wind up in Hell. Now I'm off to get a beer! Cheerio." (Photo by J.M. Hilton)

"Now we wait for a great disaster!" (Photo by J.M. Hilton)

"While keeping a sharp eye on the Masons and Opus Dei!" (Photo by Beth J.)

"I say the whole thing was a publicity stunt created by my insanely jealous rival, Lily the Spaniel." (Photo by J.M. Hilton)

I'm sorry to see the Damn Doggone go even if it was a presage of disaster and destruction."/"Me, too. After all, it brought us our fifteen minutes of fame." (Photo by J.M. Hilton)

"Sixteen minutes, and we also got that pot of gold."/Oh, right. Bring on doom and disaster, baby -- Mamma Dog's got her own!" (Photo by J.M. Hilton)