"Have you heard the news?" (Photo by Beth J.)

"I heard. And there will be no more football for me!" (Cartoon by A.G. Oscard)

"No more pigskin? Can this be true? We little pigs finally have some rights?" (Photo by J.M. Hilton)

"As far as I'm concerned, the only real game in town involves chasing shuttlecocks." (Photo by J.M. Hilton)

"Hello. I'm Paul Pugge with the latest news! According to scientists, a flying frog was recently discovered in the eastern Himalayas. The frog evolved after spending nine hours trapped inside a small plane at an airport in Minnesota." (Photo by J.M. Hilton)

"Cyril Croaker, shown here in happier times at a restaurant in St. Paul, said the ordeal wasn't too bad until the booze ran out. 'I guess I just lost it,' he said. 'I grabbed my lily pad, hopped out a window, and took off on my own.' As for the flight itself? 'I arrived at my destination on time,' he said. 'That surprised the hell out of a whole lot of people.'" (Photo by J.M. Hilton)

"In a related story, a new species of monkey was also discovered in the eastern Himalayas, along with two early American Idol contestants and a Ford Edsel which turned feral around 1975." (Photo by Stephanie J.)

"Oh, come on! They can't think anybody actually believes this stuff!"/"Why not? They bought Y2K, didn't they? And they haven't come out of the fog yet!" (Photo by J.M. Hilton)