"Oil in Lincoln Park? Who knew? But this discovery has agitated a lot of fleas...and made some dogs hoppin' mad." (Photo by J.M. Hilton)

"Oil in Lincoln Park? No howling way! The answer to an alternative fuel source is SUGAR. It can light our cities, fuel our cars, sweeten our cookies, and give us diabetes. I have an IQ of almost 300, thirty-seven advanced degrees, and I've invested millions in this venture. So who you gonna believe about this one -- hmmm?" (Photo by J.M. Hilton)

"My financial advisor has me invested in moon rocks. You grind up those suckers, a shaman from the Andes Mountains of Peru performs this fascinating ritual to call forth their power, and presto! You've got enough lunar fuel to end the world's dependence on oil, feed the starving, and replace Botox." (Photo by J.M. Hilton)

"All of which makes perfect sense to me!" (Photo by J.M. Hilton)

"Might be a good idea not to mention our oil field to anybody!"/"Don't worry, bro! Aside from us, only yon birdie knows." (Photo by J.M. Hilton)

Yon birdie who happens to work for AllChirp Radio~ (Photo by J.M. Hilton)

"There's oil in Lincoln Park? Rad! At long last I might find a buyer for the Nova." (Photo by J.M. Hilton)

"Pincer me pinfeathers! Wait'll Mommy Dearest finds out we don't have the right to tax the inhabitants of the Milky Way Galaxy!"/"Necks will be wrung!"/"Drakes will be defenestrated!" (Photo by J.M. Hilton)

"Think this might work out in our favor, Mr. Hound?"/"Why not? Almost everything else does." (Photo by J.M. Hilton)