"Who's this Mr. Tar whose balls keep washing ashore?" (Photo by J.M. Hilton)

"I think he was once married to Lorena Bobbitt!" (Photo by J.M. Hilton)

Meanwhile: "Where's my big, bad doggie woggie? He said he'd meet me on the Appalachian Trail?" (Photo by J.M. Hilton)

"Sorry, babe, but I'm too busy burying my assets!" (Photo by J.M. Hilton)

"Mommy, will I have to dig up my fat inheritance?" (Photo by J.M. Hilton)

"Probably, honey, but then you can tell everybody you had to work for it." (Photo by J.M. Hilton)

Previously on LDHD: "Where the boys are...someone waits for me...." (Photo by J.M. Hilton)

"After double-digit dog years of unseemly togetherness, your father and I have grown apart, little Sahara. Of course you get a trust fund full of bowsers!"/"Awesome, Mommy, but exactly where did Daddy go?" (Photo by J.M. Hilton)

"Oh, my Dawg! Not another old mutt chasing a fantasy down the infamous Appalachian Trail!" (Photo by J.M. Hilton)

"FANTASY? Then again, I have been called worse." (Photo by J.M. Hilton)