Previously on LDHD: "Mauve is really going to shed her bark when she finds out Edie Evergreen just won the Village Christmas Tree contest! I feel out on a limb simply for passing the word." (Photo by J.M. Hilton)

"That will rock her to her roots -- especially since Edie has been needling her since high school!" (Photo by J.M. Hilton)

"Life sucks! Here I am, an absolutely gorgeous tree...straight of limb with foliage to die for, and I get no respect. Dogs pee on me! Cats climb me! Birds and squirrels weigh me down with unsightly nests! If only I weren't rooted here! I'd like to make something of my life -- be somebody! All power to the plants!" (Photo by J.M. Hilton)

"Oh, quit rustling your leaves, Mauve! You don't hear me beefing, and my life expectancy is as short as a breeze. By contrast, unless somebody shows up with an axe, you get to live almost forever." (Photo by J.M. Hilton)

"Could we not talk about axes? By the way, I'm a turkey buzzard -- not a turkey -- a buzzard! And I'm not wearing a fake beak! No, no, that's my real beak. Even the bar code is real. I swear! This is NOT a costume." (Photo by J.M. Hilton)

"I don't know what it is and I'm too afraid to ask, but I do think some plants take advantage of their position in the yard. They shouldn't be allowed that kind of power!" (Photo by Steph J.)

"I would tend to agree. I mean, if you can't pee on a tree...." (Photo by J.M. Hilton)

"And you're not allowed to climb one...." (Photo by Steph J.)

"Obviously the government needs to get involved!" (Photo by J.M. Hilton)

"Nuts!" (Photo by J.M. Hilton)

"Over my dead body!" (Photo by J.M. Hilton)