"If you want to try to make a shred of sense of any of this, you'll go to our archives, and start with 13/04/2008. Then follow the labyrinthian tales of deceit, infidelity, treason, and spilled kibble until your eyes bug out. It's kind of like the election news, only more fun." (Photo by J.M. Hilton)

Meanwhile..."I'll do what I can to help you, Syd, but I wouldn't get too hopeful." (Photo by J.M. Hilton)

"I know this duck down by the lake who insists she's really a dog."/"I'd say her goose is cooked!" (Photo by J.M. Hilton)

"Before coming into contact with the eggs of a Septimius Sensuality Shark, I used to be an untamed Siberian timber-wolf." (Photo by J.M. Hilton)

"Actually, not much has changed."(Photo by J.M. Hilton)

"As far as I know I've always been a dog, but would you like me to be something else? How about Spider-man? You know, you look a little bit like Kirsten Dunst." (Photo by J.M. Hilton)

"A dog who used to be a wolf! A canine who wants to be Spider-man! Now I've got too many choices! Hey, can I get some service at this end of the bar?" (Photo by J.M. Hilton)

"Dog! You're hot! Uhm, OK, let me rephrase that..." (Photo by J.M. Hilton)

"Yes, I've always been a land shark, but I could become something else if only I met the right fella. My life is complicated, so I need a real prince." (Photo by J.M. Hilton)

"Uh-huh! Should I make the ultimate sacrifice for my pond, my scum, my country?" (Photo by J.M. Hilton)

"What do you mean I'm not getting any BUSH BUCKS back from the government? ##%%***!!! A pox on all your puppies!" (Photo by J.M. Hilton)

"There's the spirit that won the West -- by Dog!" (Photo by J.M. Hilton)

"I'm sorry that my eggs are screwing up so many lives! But it's not really my fault. I'm just a tragic victim of the solar system." (Photo by J.M. Hilton)

"What's wrong with a hound dog liking lettuce and carrots? OK, so I used to be a bunny. Look at it this way, for a dog this is a great way to diet!" (Photo by J.M. Hilton)

"Don't anybody bad rap felines! Up until three days ago, I was a perfectly happy alley cat, yowling on fences, chasing birds. Now I'm a terrier and I chase cats! I'm telling you, I'm going to sue! My identity's been stolen! My purr's been purloined! My nine lives have been compromised!" (Photo by J.M. Hilton)

"Well, don't you dare insult humans! Wait a minute! I used to be a human, but now I'm a dog. What the kennel am I barking about? This has got to be considered an upgrade!" (Photo by J.M. Hilton)

"I can't find my ex-wife Syd anywhere! What the pound could have happened to her?" (Photo by J.M. Hilton)