Brilliant symbologist Robert Labrador attempts to explain to Sea-to-Shining-Sea host Sadie Whippet why Lily is the Anticanine....(Photo by Beth J.)

"When you're not wearing 3-D glasses, Lily is a gorgeous, glamorous, pick-of-the-litter pooch~" (Photo by J.M. Hilton)

"But if you put the glasses on, you can see she has the eyes of a two-thousand-year-old demon." (Photo by J.M. Hilton)

"Two-thousand years? Yipes! Have you ever thought about getting your bags plucked and those lids lifted?" (Photo by J.M. Hilton)

"And pooperscoop my new career? Bite my dewclaw, bitch!" (Photo by J.M. Hilton)

"OK, nice talking to you, Robert and Lily. Up next on Sea-to-Shining-Sea, a cavapoo who claims thre are killer cats on Jupiter. Stay tuned!" (Photo by J.M. Hilton)

Meanwhile: "Robert Labrador is really much too good for some elderly hag with photoshopped eyes!" (Photo -- not shopped -- by J.M. Hilton)

And on a bleak landscape somewhere between a dogcatcher's van and Hell: "Hearken! We hear the howl of our master! At long last, he claims to have found the perfect girl." (Photo by J.M. Hilton)

Brilliant canine symbologist Robert Labrador discusses his theories live on Sea-to-Shining-Sea, with Sadie Whippet: "Two thousand years ago a dog named Boo buried an algebra book somewhere in the Ural Mountains, under a column at Stonehenge, or beneath an oak tree on the outskirts of present-day Madison, Wisconsin." (Photo by J.M. Hilton)

"Ever since, wars have been waged, doghouses sacked, kennels defleaed, and the most basic laws of canine decency ripped to shreds like a discount chew toy." (Photo by Beth J.)

"You seem to be trying to link some of history's most horrific events with this book the dog supposedly buried two millenniums ago. Can you give me a logical reason for your assumption?" (Photo by J.M. Hilton)

"No, Sadie, but I also can't give you a logical reason why they want to put a McDonald's in the Louvre." (Photo by Beth J.)

"All right. I almost get your point. Tell me, Lily, about your eyes..." (Photo by J.M. Hilton)

"You mean...my All-Seeing Eyes!" (Photo by J.M. Hilton)

Meanwhile: "OMD! And to think that I, gorgeous blog anchor Sally King-Charles, have to interview this pair of moon-howlers next. On second thought, there is something oddly tantalizing about Labrador's apparent belief in the most outlandish fantasies." (Photo by J.M. Hilton)

"He's probably as crazy as a Jack Russell on a caffeine high, but that just might prove an asset." (Photo by J.M. Hilton)