"Yes, it's true...we're very bad dogs who will get ashes in our biscuits and later be visited by three wolverines." (Photo by J.M. Hilton)

"Look! Look! There goes Santa!"/"And Rudolph is guiding his sleigh!" (Photo by J.M. Hilton)

"I'm not surprised! It's the season of forgiveness, and Santa has just crossed Rudolph's little peccadilloes off his naughty list." (Photo by Steph J.)

"Maybe Santa can forgive, but I wonder how Mrs. Claus feels about the twinkle-eyed stocking stuffer he met in LA last summer?" (Photo by J.M. Hilton)

"Not to mention the fact he lost the backup sleigh paying off his gambling debts." (Photo by J.M. Hilton)

"Enough! He's a right jolly old elf, and that's the end of the matter." (Photo by J.M. Hilton)

"OK, OK. Merry Christmas and General Happy Holidays from LDHD. Hmmm. Too bad Santa dropped his hat right next to the liquor cabinet..." (Photo by J.M. Hilton)

"Greetings, Bloglodytes! It is I, Noah Blackstone, back on LDHD, however briefly, after being paid a fortune in bowsers, and feted like a god, to both recap and update the squalid yet titillating tale of Rudolph, the Reprobate Reindeer." (Photo by J.M. Hilton)

"It seems that good old Rudy has been up to his jingle bells in hot water ever since the press broke the sordid story -- right in time for the holidays, of course -- of his involvement in a real sugar plum of a sex scandal..." (Photo by J.M. Hilton)

"Involving me!" (Photo by PBL)

"And me!" (Photo by PBL)

"Not me! I'm just here to say: Cat bless us, every one." (Photo by Steph J.)

"Uhm, ah, right. This is Harvey Wivelear...you know, from the mailroom. Er, Noah left because he doesn't like to be interrupted...so it's just, like, me here. You know? Anyhow, since getting into major trouble regarding that absolutely awesome sex scandal, Rudolph's been cooling his hooves at the Buffalo Bob Rehabilitation center in Butte, Montana." (Photo by J.M. Hilton)

"Which means Santa has no lead reindeer to guide his sleigh! Hello there, I'm Sally King-Charles, here to help out poor Harvey with my oodles of broadcast experience. Just relax, Harve! Big breaths...big breaths -- and you might want to stop twitching your nose!" (Photo by J.M. Hilton)

"Gee, thanks, Sally. My one big chance, and I'm just thrilled that you're willing to leap in with all four paws to help. Anyway, Santa thought about using two of Rudolph's kids, but they're inexperienced and have concentration problems from sniffing too much stale hay." (Photo by J.M. Hilton)

"He also considered using a Hummer, Harvey, but it turns out Santa hasn't had a legitimate driver's license since 1966, when he worked briefly as a roadie for the Stones." (Photo by J.M. Hilton)

"And Air Force One won't help him because of religious, political and environmental reasons!" (Photo by J.M. Hilton)

"Maybe I can be of service. I'm willing to work with the lights on!" (Photo by PBL)

"Thanks, Bambi, but it looks like Santa is screwed already." (Photo by J.M. Hilton)