"O, woe are we! The Lincoln Park bowser market is collapsing! There's lunging on the leashes! Panic in the streets! I could lose my doghouse! My favorite squeak toy! My membership in the Hot Hydrant Neutered and Spayed Singles Club! Where did I go wrong?" (Photo by J.M. Hilton)

"You got any subprime beef bones?" (Photo by J.M. Hilton)

"I'm banking on my jewelry. To loosely quote the immortal Anita Loos: 'A pat on the head may be momentary solace, but a sapphire-studded collar rocks on.'" (Photo by J.M. Hilton)

"I thought you went off to raise an army in Scotland, Lily? Some dogs aren't quite so ambitious." (Photo by J.M. Hilton)

"I just lost my job and I'm too cute to do anything tedious. Maybe I could just run for mayor?" (Photo by J.M. Hilton)

"Excuse me, but can you tell me how to get started in politics?"/"Sure! First you hop into bed with everybody you hate~" (Photo by J.M. Hilton)

"Admittedly, I spend a lot of time at the bar and can skirt almost any issue." (Photo by J.M. Hilton)

"Buggah-buggah and wah-wah! Guess who went out on a limb and won the Nevada and South Carolina primaries?" (Photo by J.M. Hilton)

"You jivin' me, Old Hickory? You're a freakin' tree! You tellin' me a shaggy-bark like you just won two state primary elections?" (Photo by J.M. Hilton)

"The last politician to call himself Old Hickory believed the world was flat and distrusted banks. Sounds like a candidate for 0-0-8 to me!" (Photo by J.M. Hilton)

"I guess the late Al Capp was right --'The public is like a piano. You just have to know what keys to poke.'" (Photo by J.M. Hilton)

"Gloria-the-Glam here to report that the Goldens absolutely sucked this year. Not one bitch showed up wearing so much as a rhinestone collar! And the grooming parlors barked up all the wrong trees. For shame, Hollywood, but congratulations to the sordid world of politics, where scandal rocks, thanks to Sir Vinney Poodle. Seems he's exiting the primary elections scene to be with the primary puppy in his life, at least until his former trot-in-time sues~" (Photo by J.M. Hilton)

"It's true...I'm dropping out of the US canine presidential race, mes amis. I'm cheating on my girlfriend with Carla Bruni's hot puppy, Sophie, and I'm almost out of bowsers. Since I'm willing to ruin myself for love, I stand a better chance of getting elected in France, anyway. Adieu, and I hope this won't pooper-mitt my legacy too much." (Photo by Stephanie C.)

"I lost a primary where I was running unopposed? Oh, I am so going to crop ears when I come back from Scotland with an army!" (Photo by J.M. Hilton)

"Forget politics and the writers' strike, hounds and harriers. Auditions open tomorrow for my new TV reality series -- 'American Stalker'!" (Photo by J.M. Hilton)