"This is Woodrow Wilson Mazurky, along with Count Silvar von Hapsburg, for International Patrician Radio. Tonight we wish to congratulate Snuppy, the world's first cloned dog, whose mate is expecting puppies -- or should we (heh-heh) call them 'cluppies'? Your thoughts, Silvar?"/"There goes the 'hood, bro! I did bark that right, didn't I? I love it when I come across as hip." (Photo by J.M. Hilton)

"This is Jill Dewduffer reporting for W-DOG, All-Plebeian Radio. We have now confirmed that a strange sort of mating has occurred and the curse of the so-called 'alien' land shark has ended. Dogs are turning back into dogs, cats into cats, birds into birds and so forth. Here's a quick update from Dafnee Fenderholtzer before we return to our regular programming after ten minutes of idiotic, dogmatised commercials." (Photo by J.M. Hilton)

"This feckless frog...(Photo by J.M. Hilton)

...turned back into this!" (Photo by J.M. Hilton)

"This bloated land shark... (Photo by J.M. Hilton)

...WOW! became this." (Photo by J.M. Hilton)

"And this adorable teddy-bear creature.... (Photo by J.M. Hilton)

...morphed into this!"/"Hey! Wait a minute! I haven't switched species -- I'm merely the victim of a bad haircut!" (Photo by J.M. Hilton)

"Why am I still a duck?" (Photo by J.M. Hilton)

"Meanwhile, the brilliant and enigmatic Lily, a favorite blog character, continues to suffer grave doubts about the course of true love...." (Photo by J.M. Hilton)

"Word is out that my ex-husband, the alien, has his space goons looking for me. I need a way to escape, like that two-footer in Greek mythology who ran away from Apollo and asked the gods to turn her into a tree. But trees have ants and termites. Maybe I could become a tulip? Anybody LISTENING to me out there?" (Photo by J.M. Hilton)

"I want to go home -- NOW!" (Photo by J.M. Hilton)

"Gimme, gimme, gimme them old frog's legs blues...." (Photo by J.M. Hilton)

DOG GONE! Syd, former wife of Senator Paco of Lincoln Park and social-circuit animal, has been missing from her doghouse in the Dog Park Bowser Apts. for several days. If you've seen or sniffed this blue-eyed Aussie, whiz on the Linden tree at the corner of Elm and Maple, and we'll get back to you! (Photo by J.M. Hilton)

"Where is Syd? What could have happened to her? If she doesn't show up in the next few days, I vow I'll eat an onion or a grape!" (Photo by J.M. Hilton)

"If I mate with the Septimius Sensuality Shark, I can save the world. But I'll lose my beloved Syd forever. Then what future do I really have -- winding up served with garlic sauce on a warmed-over platter in some cheap French restaurant?" (Photo by J.M. Hilton)

Meanwhile...Speed Dating for Dogs~ (Photo by J.M. Hilton) And, yes, we thew this one in just for the hell of it.