Recently on LDHD: "Lew, I'm getting desperate! Lily was my top headliner, and since she vanished with her clone at Reichenbark Falls, our readership has been steadily declining. Meanwhile, my sister's reality show has a huge following! I need help! I need a new Lily!" (Photo by J.M. Hilton)

"Well, LuLu, I may have good news! Take a look at the new 'face' of Sushi-Siam Pet Foods!" (Photo by J.M. Hilton)

"Her name is Daffodil DuMonte, and while I doubt her life could possibly be as crazed and kinky as Lily's was, at least she's the sniffing image of her!" (Photo by J.M. Hilton)

"Whoa! Tie that puppy to a pole and let her do some dirty dog dancing! She's Lily reincarnated -- even better!" (Photo by J.M. Hilton)

"Spencer, despite the fact I'm painfully cute, I wouldn't be on this blog were it not to let you know that Daffodil carries with her a dark secret, and one to-die-for designer scarf -- although I guess that fact is obvious to any shopaholic bitch who knows how to spell H E R M E S!" (Photo by J.M. Hilton)

"She's had a tail job? Her ears are permed?" (Photo by J.M. Hilton)

"I was once a man!" (Photo by J.M. Hilton)

"So? I'm willing to make a few allowances! After all, you're looking at a dog who was once married to a chipmunk! And anybody can read all about it in our archives! By the way, I love your scarf!" (Photo by J.M. Hilton)

"Daffodil DuMonte? Ah, the very sight of her stirs the one hormone left in my senescent boneyard! I must have her! But first I have to rid myself of the degenerate western bitch known as Sadie!" (Cartoon by A.G. Oscard)

"Bo, my fave flight instructor, it's time to jockey your daddy's jet again, and rescue your adored little copilot from a no-longer-useful tip drill of a marmoset dictator!" (Photo by J.M. Hilton)

Meanwhile at Reichenbark Falls: "I've worn out my wingtips but can't find a shred of evidence. Not even a torn harness or an ID tag! So much for my long anticipated true crime novel: 'Curtains for a Cavalier.'" (Photo by J.M. Hilton)

Previously on LDHD: "I LOVE the new reality series starring me and what's-her-name! Just last week I threatened two emerging nations with nuclear annihilation within the first half-hour of the show!" (Cartoon by A.G. Oscard)

"Our series, 'Barking Past Reason,' is clobbering LuLu's blog in the ratings! Take that, Twisted Sister! And you had the nerve to question MY credibility as a journalist!" (Photo by J.M. Hilton)

"I'm starting to get desperate! Lily was my top headliner -- but she perished at Reichenbark Falls!" (Photo by J.M. Hilton)

Goose hair and cat feathers! Nobody perishes on this blog, including the dark angel of lousy punctuation and occasional repetition!" (Photo by J.M. Hilton)