IS VLADIMIR THE SIBERIAN THE SEXIEST DOG ON EARTH? "I'm buff and I've got an army behind me. Take that, Greatest American Dog!" (Photo by J.M. Hilton)

"Why didn't I think of this before? In order to keep my job as the movie star Mastiff's manager, all I have to do is kill Vladimir the Siberian." (Photo by J.M. Hilton)

Meanwhile, in another universe, Queen Ava of the Gummy Bear Galaxy welcomes a ditzy delegation from Planet Earth. "They call these clowns diplomats? Most of them have yet to get their feet wet. Now pay attention, children, and be careful what you eat. Almost everything's been poisoned. Even the kelp is yelling for help." (Photo by J.M. Hilton)

"I can't wait to rule a planet! I already think of myself as Quacker the Deplorable." (Photo by J.M. Hilton)

"Cyanide and cornmeal, anyone?" (Photo by J.M. Hilton)

"Greased minnow bait! I believe I'm becoming aroused." (Cartoon by A.G. Oscard)

While closer to home: "Vladimir, you are one wild and sexy Russian, but I can't run off to Siberia with you. I have my film career to think about, and later I want to direct." (Photo by J.M. Hilton)

"What is this? I can't stand rejection! If I can't have the bitch of my dreams, I'll bomb Hollywood, I'll bomb Bollywood -- I'll bomb James Woods and Woody Allen!" (Photo by J.M. Hilton)

"You know, even if he drops the big one, I'll feel better knowing that the whole thing wasn't just about oil." (Photo by J.M. Hilton)

"There are eight hundred stories in the naked kennel, Kaitlyn, and ours is but one of them."/"Oh, Theo, you have a way of expressing yourself that's positively mundane!" (Photo by J.M. Hilton)

"At least he's got most of the politicians beat!" (Photo by S. Jayne)

"Don't say I never warned you." (Photo by J.M. Hilton)

"Well, damn." (Photo by J.M. Hilton)

"Haven't got a clue what this blog is about? Try mousing in our archives and perhaps light will dawn. If it doesn't, just keep clicking away until you go quietly mad or the batteries run out." (Photo by Beth Javens)