RESCUE ME! "Uhm, Hi there, Mrs. First Lady and First Kids! I'm a Portahound, half Portuguese Water Dog and half Beagle. Now I know I look pretty much like a typical Beagle, but don't let that fool you. At heart I'm a true water dog. OK, I hate baths and turn feral whenever I see a hose -- but I've had all my shots!~" (Photo by J.M. Hilton)

"Oh, my Dog! How totally embarrassing! However, I do have it on the best authority that my great-great-great-great grandfather was once owned by a Portuguese sailor. Does that count? Like, I don't bite or anything, and the Chinese are hot right now. Rescue ME?" (Photo by J.M. Hilton)

"And I always thought a social climber was just a parrot with pretensions." (Photo by J.M. Hilton)

"Welcome to the wonderful world of smelly running shoes and Yellow Journalism~" (Photo by J.M. Hilton)

"With the print media caving like a bad poker hand, Internet blogs are becoming fiercely competitive for news. That said, I'm wholly out of excuses." (Photo by J.M. Hilton)

"But how dare they put a non-photo of me, Lily the Spaniel, in a rogue's gallery!" (Photo by J.M. Hilton)

"Huh? You can make yourself invisible! That's incredible news! I was once a successful cat burglar -- before relying upon the old adage: 'All cats are gray at night.' But invisible? Wow!" (Photo by J.M. Hilton)

"We may live without friends, we may live without books, but civilized society cannot survive without crooks~" (Photo by J.M. Hilton)