"Hello, I'm Fran deWormer with an update on a shocking story that continues to hang around like a bad case of the fleas. Lily the Spaniel, once considered the most beautiful bitch in Lincoln Park, has looked like the back end of a blighted bulldog since her return from near death at Reichenbark Falls. Over to you, Leticia Litter. I have to go for my walk now!" (Photo by J.M. Hilton)

"Thank you, Fran. And the question on everybody's lips from Pittsburgh to Mumbai? Is it real or is it Photoshop?" (Photo by J.M. Hilton)

"Oh, screw you! It's raining out!" (Photo by J.M. Hilton)

"Somebody needs to invite that little girl over for a beer!" (Photo compliments of Leo Profitt)

Previously on LDHD: "And now, in keeping with a fine tradition -- more new lows in journalism!" (Photo by J.M. Hilton)

"This is a Flash-in-the-Pan News Extra exclusively for LuLu's Blog, and I'm Beau Beagle, about to be choked for my low ratings! It seems Lily the Spaniel survived her obviously staged tumble at Reichenbark Falls. Arf! Arf! Rabbit time! Over to you, Katie Kerchief~" (Photo by J.M. Hilton)

"Lily may have survived the fall, but word's out that she lost her trademark bronze-goddess ear curls thanks to a groomer with the most wicked set of clippers since Edward Scissorpaws! We've got a real, ahem, HARTbreaker shaping up here, Beau. SNORT! Who says my lousy ratings have to do with my total lack of levity and the personality of a pickle? Woofie!"(Photo by J.M. Hilton)

"As God is my witness...someone will pay for this outrage!" (Photo by J.M. Hilton)

"What a horrible story! Could Lily's groomer really have done this to her? It's hard to imagine, especially since my groomer is my very bestest friend. Granted, one day she did clip a toenail a little too close -- but she admitted her mistake and cheerfully carries the scars to this day!" (Photo by J.M. Hilton)

"I was up all night praying for her! What a blow to her self-esteem! Start wrapping pink leashes around hydrants, America! We want to show Lily how much we care!" (Photo by J.M. Hilton)

"In other news, twelve states face a rabies scare!" (Photo by J.M. Hilton)

"We don't want to read a bunch of crap about epidemics! We want to read about hot babes with clipped ears and wild withers! Go with the flush -- it's a must!" (Photo by J.M. Hilton)

"Give us the naked truth about Lily's ears, not to mention a few naked pictures of Lily, or suffer the consequences! And I mean every man jack of you! I know a conspiracy when I smell one!" (Photo by J.M. Hilton)

"Bread and circuses, Brother Hound!"/"Bones and cat chases, old son! Keep 'em happy in their kennels~" (Photo by J.M. Hilton)