NEWS FLASH: Riley-Sue Wheaten, former assistant campaign manager for Sir Vinney Poodle, claims that her boss has vanished. Just about everyone else associated with the campaign insists she's loco." (Photo by J.M. Hilton)

"Did I ever really know a girl named Sophie, and did we chomp bones together outside the Cafe du Chien Fou in Montmartre?" (Photo by Stephanie C.)

"Anita Loos had it right: 'Fate keeps on happening.'" (Photo by J.M. Hilton)

FIONA CHIPPENDALE: "It's great having a starring role on 'American Stalker'! Our sweet producer/director King Froggie smothers me with kindness. He's even letting my real-life boyfriend take over as my costar. What an amiable amphibian!" (Photo by J.M. Hilton)

CARLA BRUNI'S DOG SOPHIE: "I cannot tell Sir Vinney and his brother Baron Valentine apart. One is a crook and one is a former presidential candidate. And one swiped seven billion bowsers from a big French bank. What's a bitch to do?" (Photo by J.M. Hilton)

LILY: "Wait until I get back from Scotland with my army, Woody! We'll turn you into the pulp fiction you were meant to be!" (Photo by J.M. Hilton)

OLD HICKORY WINS LINCOLN PARK PRIMARY -- GETS MAJOR ENDORSEMENT FROM THE LUMBER INDUSTRY!!!! (Photo by J.M. Hilton)

"Guess this is what's known as getting rid of the dead wood." (Photo by J.M. Hilton)

"It was Aristotle who said that man is a political animal, but I had higher hopes for canines!" (Photo by J.M. Hilton)

"Maybe we dogs need to get back to our roots and turn feral again. I'm game -- anybody else?" (Photo by J.M. Hilton)

"For heaven's sake, Hillary -- of course it's not your thighs!" (Photo by J.M. Hilton)

"You hear Vermont wants to prosecute the president for war crimes?"/"Harrumph! Wish they'd start smaller and aim for the dogcatchers!" (Photo by J.M. Hilton)

"Global warming my freezing webbed feet!" (Photo by J.M. Hilton)