HERE, BIRDIE, BIRDIE. WHERE LURKETH THE EVIL SNIPE? "Really, darlings, I'm far too chic and elegant to be the snipe." (Photo by J.M. Hilton)

"And I'm too flat-out cute!" (Photo by J.M. Hilton)

"Go ahead! Put the blame on me! This just sooo figures!" (Photo by J.M. Hilton)

"What a funny looking bird is the snipe! It has hair instead of feathers!" (Photo by J.M. Hilton)

SNIPE FEVER SWEEPS LINCOLN PARK: "Heads up, canines! A ghastly snipe has just been sighted hiding in the tall grass over by Pond Lake. It has glowing red eyes, a serrated beak, purple feathers, and an orange neck. Dog! That thing is U-G-L-Y!" (Photo by J.M. Hilton)

"Oh, howl me another story! I'm betting the snipe's no bird at all, but instead a spoiled show-dog type just trying to get attention." (Photo by J.M. Hilton)

"One of US? What an appalling accusation, and I don't believe an arf of it.
If the snipe's not a bird, it's probably one of the squirrels. They're nothing but troublemakers, and nuttier than a can of Planters into the bargain." (Photo by J.M. Hilton)

"You sayin' WHAT to my face? Don't slap me with the 'pellation of SNIPE, twit. I got half a mind to sue your ass! Like the old expression says -- Go slander a duck. Well, that ain't exactly the old expression, but you get my drift totally, right?" (Photo by J.M. Hilton)

"ME? A frightful-looking snipe? Frankly, I wish it were true. Might get me out of mating season! But my webbed feet would likely give me away. If it is a bird, I'll wager it's a flashy, overweight cardinal. They're such consistent ground feeders!" (Photo by J.M. Hilton)

"Oh, thanks, ducky. That's all we cardinals need about now -- more trouble!" (Photo by J.M. Hilton)

"Glorious! Glorious! I do so love sowing the seeds of distrust amongst the gullible. Now..for the purr-de-resistance -- another sighting of a cat in snipe's clothing!" (Photo compliments of Leo Profitt)

"If you must sink to such a depraved level, at least have the decency not to wear an orange feather boa! I mean, there's hideous, and then there's just plain sick." (Photo by Steph J.)