Is Lena (Waggs) LaMarr, AKA Spencer Hilton, living on borrowed time? Is Snots Cluzo about to crack the case? Is gold lame really his style? (Photo by J.M. Hilton)
posted by LuLu @ 10:54 PM
LuLu's Desperate House Dogs (formerly the Bow Wow Blog)
LuLu's Desperate House Dogs is a blog about an eccentric little Beagle named LuLu, who, along with her sister Sadie (a Whippet/Terrier/Beagle blend), writes the lurid Puppies in Lust series, and absorbs local color in an idyllic, off-the-leash, canine-centered village known as Lincoln Park~
Sunday, October 01, 2006
Is Lena (Waggs) LaMarr, AKA Spencer Hilton, living on borrowed time? Is Snots Cluzo about to crack the case? Is gold lame really his style? (Photo by J.M. Hilton)
LuLu's Desperate House Dogs (formerly the Bow Wow Blog)
LuLu's Desperate House Dogs is a blog about an eccentric little Beagle named LuLu, who, along with her sister Sadie (a Whippet/Terrier/Beagle blend), writes the lurid Puppies in Lust series, and absorbs local color in an idyllic, off-the-leash, canine-centered village known as Lincoln Park~
About Me
- Name: LuLu
I am a single five-year-old female Beagle, shown here by myself, while my mix-up of a sister sings the praises of mutts on my blog. Well, let her. I have a most intriguing (one might even say lascivious) past, at least according to my autobiography. In a former lifetime I was Queen Elizabeth the Ist of England, and later on (among others) I was Nell Gwynn, Pauline Borghese, Louise Brooks, and eventually just lovable, neurotic, adorable ME. I have a perfectly charming, albeit very annoying, sister named Sadie. She's rarely plagued by conscience, possibly because she's a Sagittarius. To date she has attempted to steal most of my boyfriends, meaning we're quite used to fighting over bones. Sadie and I are the same age, although she's the adopted one. We do have a fair amount of things in common. For example, she was once Mary Queen of Scots, and later on both Barbara Villiers and Marlene Dietrich. Amazingly we get along -- at least when we're before the public~
Previous Posts
- Better off playing 'possum? Shamus is in the worst...
- Morey the mutt and his pals are stuck at the botto...
- Safe home from captivity in North BimBim, Lily say...
- Blog hostess LuLu stars as the Beagle sisters: Jan...
- PRIDE & POOP by Jane Airedale, cont'd.....
- Wine connoisseur? The Sade teaches Morey and his p...
- Rockie. The Return of the King. "O young Lochinvar...
- Spend the tail end of summer enjoying LuLu's Despe...
- Moxie the cavapoo has surgery in Singapore? Oh, no...
- LuLu's little sister, Blue Girl, promises to stir ...
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The Eye On The Park...
Dateline Los Angeles:
The LAPD, assisted by former Interpup inspector, Snots Cluzo, and his able sidekick (Belle the Cocker), last night raided a notorious exotic pet shop on the eastern edge of the city, and rescued two animals who were being held prisoner inside.
A dazed spaniel, wearing a torn gold lame dress, told police officers he had no idea where he was or who he was, but he thought his name might be 'Lily.'
"Then again," he said, "it could be Dilly, or Betty, or Al, but I refuse to answer to 'Prudence.'"
His equally out-of-it pen mate, an uncooperative opossum who screeched, hissed, and refused to smile for his mugshot, seemed capable of speaking only one word: "Patagonia."
After being examined by an actor who plays the part of a veterinarian on TV, the spaniel and the opossum checked into an ultra-upscale Beverly Hills animal clinic, where we were told they spent the night.
Inspector Cluzo, currently working as a private detective, asked the police not to release the identity of the two animals unless they're offered a really huge bribe and he gets half.
"I'm pretty sure I know who they are," said Cluzo, "mainly as I've been tailing one of them for over a month. But I've got a client who wants me to keep my jaw firm and my lips zipped for the present. Otherwise, I won't get the big bones."
Belle the Cocker wagged her tail and snapped the strip of beef jerky she was chewing. "We got nothin' else to say," she said.
Developing.....
It is easy to tell the men from the women here.
Get a new husband and adopt a pug.
Forget the husband. The only decent males R dogs.
I'm not surprised your beagle slept with your sister.
It was a basset and you are asking for it, baby.
HAHAHA. Go chase cars on the freeway, loy og hooey.
U have problems dealing with anger, Jean?
I feel bad I ever posted.
An angry reaction is understandable, Jean, but that is a little sick.
Are U a doctor, KKB?
I'm not a psychiatrist, no.
More of a NO TO IT ALL?
YES! im so happy the eye is back!!
Jean?
The Eye On The Park...
Dateline Vilnius, Lithuania:
Lithuanian police officials yesterday questioned internationally renown film producer/director, Archibald Catt, regarding the disappearance of actress Lena (AKA Waggs) LaMarr, one of the stars of his new movie, "The Lurid Leaf Pile," a film loosely based on the works of the late Shamus O'Possum, an author nobody's ever heard of.
According to Mr. Catt, he and Ms. LaMarr argued over her refusal to do a nude scene, and Ms. LaMarr then went off to a local bar with a couple of stray dogs. "And no one has seen or smelled her since," stated Monica Ferret, Mr. Catt's hot-looking attorney.
According to actress Chantilly Khat
(better known as the feline Jessica Alba): "Lena liked to get down and dirty with the locals, if you get my drift and know what I mean. Now get out of my shot."
According to Mrs. Tabitha Catt, the producer/director's wife: "I liked Waggs. She was terribly confused about her sexuality, but who in Hollywood isn't? I hope you can find her. She's a sweet girl."
"She has a serious drinking problem," according to Mr. Catt's business partner, Lester Lemming. "It's sad, really sad. She has a lot of talent, but kept showing up on the set with her ears drooping and her tail dragging along the floor."
According to just about everybody, Ms. LaMarr was last seen wearing a gold lame dress, bone-shaped ear studs, and incredibly uncomfortable shoes.
Developing....
Hi, Fiver! My gosh I'm glad somebody is happy.
You are right, Cathy. It's time a few of us went back to obedience school.
We're moving to Minnesota in a month, and we're very excited.
R u moving to Minneapolis?
Not too far away,Molly.
I would like to go back to Tulsa, but my sister is there.
Along with the basset?
That's not funny!
Yeah, Jean, it is.
The Eye On The Park...
Dateline Paris, France:
Moxie the Cavapoo, who has decided to live with his dad, the Duke of Rothschild and Roquefort, and learn all about his royal forebears (and dogs), announced last week that he hoped to "drop out" and "just sort of sniff around" the south of France for the next few months.
Moxie's employer, Sushi-Siam Pet Chow, Inc., immediately responded by tightening the leash and letting their top model know through their lawyers that he is under contract to be the "face" of Sushi-Siam for the next two years, which means dropping out is a no-can-do.
Sushi-Siam instantly received a backpaw slap on the nose from Monique du Wheaton, attorney for the Duke of Rothschild and Roquefort, and a frequent shopper at the Paris branch of the Gilded Paw.
"Moxie Rothschild and Roquefort has been receiving suggestive emails from Burt Blunt, the CEO of Sushi-Siam, New York," said Mlle. Wheaton to just about every reporter on both sides of the Atlantic. "Moxie Rothschild and Roquefort is only six months old."
"But hasn't he already been engaged to a relative of the Queen of England?" asked a reporter from the New York Pointer.
"And hasn't he been hanging out at Raffles Bar in Singapore for the past three months?" asked a TV news hound, from cable channel KPUP.
"All of that is beside the point," responded Mlle. Wheaton. "Moxie is an innocent young pup even though he's half French, and unless we hear some good news from Sushi-Siam, we're taking our case to court."
Attorneys for CEO Burt Blunt quickly responded: "These allegations are ridiculous. Our client never referred to Moxie as 'the kind of pup I'd love to stroke.'"
However, only this morning Mr. Blunt checked into a Vermont rehab clinic, where he is being treated for alcoholism, sex addiction, eyestrain, and poison ivy.
Shares of Susi-Siam took a plunge on the big board this afternoon, and chairman of the board, Itzo Tosa-Inu told the Tokyo press: "Oiii! The problems I've had with this cavapoo and his mom, nobody knows."
Moxie's mother, famous model Lily Hilton, became addicted to whale meat while working for Sushi-Siam. She was later kidnapped by Prince Slim Jim Kim of North BimBim and held as a sex slave. While the UN was negotiating for her freedom, Sushi-Siam offered her job to her son, and Moxie accepted.
"I should get a medal," concluded Mr. Tosa-Inu.
Developing...
One of your betters efforts, Lulu.
Funny story, Lulu. Punkin's right.
Moxie is adorable, but I am waiting for Shamus to come back.
You nicely ducked the ticklish political quagmire, Lulu.
Is Lulu a democrat or a republican?
LuLu is a dog, which means she's much too good for either party.
LOL.
My cat is a closet Libertarian.
My hamster is a closet Unitarian.
I'm an aboveboard vegetarian.
R U also a librarian?
Ths is gettin BORING.
You have to be a contrarian.
My name is Marion
Seems like you are left hanging with Shamus, Cathy. Fiver wants to know if there is room for a Cancerian on the blog.
Shamus will return. I know it.
My brother in law is a Rotarian!
Nobody has mentioned a veterinarian.
ENOUGHINARIAN!!!!
Be instead a totalitarian!
Can we be humanitarian and cut this out? I meant it to be clever not eternal.
The Eye On The Park...
Dateline Lincoln Park:
"I want to go to France and find Moxie!" LuLu's feisty little sister told her. "We look alike, so let me borrow your passport."
At first LuLu thought her cute kid sis was kidding, but when Blue Girl wrestled her to the ground and wouldn't let her up, LuLu realized the pup meant business.
"Why do you want to meet Moxie?" the Babe asked the babe. "He's already had two beautiful girlfriends -- Sydney the Aussie shepherd and Queenie the Corgi. He's only six months old, but word's out he's as jaded as Dorian Gray."
"I know only I can save him!" boasted Blue Girl. "I also know we're meant to be together. And who's Dorian Gray -- the creep who was sending Mox kinky e-mails or the latest star of 'The Bachelor'?"
"You are not going to France," LuLu told Blue Girl.
And Blue Girl knocked her to the ground again.
Developing....
I'm getting confused. Is Blue Girl honest to God Lu's sister or is that just part of the story? Same with Moxie. He Lily's or how does it work?
Are Lulu and Punkin involved?
You sound like a real comedienne.
Lulu, I like Moxie and things, but what is going on with Shamus? I waited all summer!
Cathy, u know Shamus is alive, so relax a little. They will write him
back in. I wish they would bring Bumbles the pug back. Pugs rule!
I suppose. You have a pug, don't u? They are so cute.
I now have two pugs and I worship them. They are the sweetest, dearest dogs on earth. They really steal your heart.
Deuce and Fiver are gone again? Mating has turned Fiver into a busy dog.
Weekend time, KKB! My dog's not no wallflower.
UR dog not even in the fight, Yogi.
Say what?
The Eye On The Park...
Dateline Los Angeles:
Private Eye Snots Cluzo yesterday informed the press that the dazed spaniel who was recently rescued from an exotic pet store in East LA is none other than Lena (AKA Waggs) LaMarr, the young canine actress who was reported missing from the set of "The Lurid Leaf Pile," an Archibald Catt Production, currently being filmed in Lithuania.
"Ms. LaMarr is actually Mr. LaMarr," explained Cluzo, "but that's a minor point."
"Don't you dare snicker, Snots," warned his trusty sidekick, Belle the Cocker.
"Uhm, ah, of course not, dear," he promised.
Cluzo went on to say that he's as yet uncertain of the identity of the opossum who was released from captivity along with Lena LaMarr.
"But he sure looks familiar," the dickster added.
Veterinary psychiatrist, Dr. Siggi Jung, told the press, "Our little Mr. Possum is not a happy fella. Instead of taking his formula, he insists on ordering out from places like Carl's Jr. and McDonalds. He also chain smokes -- which can't be good for him, and he's ripped the stuffing out of all his sweet little toys.
"He's very difficult to work with," she admitted. "Most of the time he just sits in his cage, staring blankly through the chicken wire, muttering the word 'Patagonia' over and over again."
Developing...
Oh my! Cathy will be happy. I don't get Patagonia but I remember something about the letter P. I thot it was for Possum.
Cathy is happy! But poor Shamus is in terrible shape. Spencer is getting better treatment.
We're packing to move and Deuce got stuck on the packing tape! Biking is easier. Cathy, Shamus will be fine. Don't worry.
Deuce in duct tape? I would like to see a picture.
My favorite character, aside from LuLu, is Dacia the Schnauzer. She appears to be a combination of Eleanor Roosevelt, Hillary Clinton, and Diane von Furstenberg.
She's a treat!
Bet you've got a charge account at the Gilded Paw.
I guess it's obvious who my favorite character is.
No. Who is it?
The Eye On The Park...
Dateline Paris, France:
The Duke of Rothschild and Roquefort announced early this morning that he has formally adopted Moxie the Cavapoo, who is now his legal, as well as biological, son and heir.
At the same time, Mlle. Monique du Wheaton, a French tease of a terrier and the duke's lawyer, announced that Sushi-Siam Pet Chow, Inc., had agreed to let Moxie out of his two-year contract as the 'face' on their dog chow labels.
"What's ahead for you, Mox?" barked the usual news hounds, as the heir apparent to an ancient title (and an enormous pile of bowsers) padded along the rue St-Honore with a cute little miniature poodle who said her name was Zelda.
"Oh, you know," he replied, flashing the smile that has riveted bitches from Lincoln Park to Singapore, "I want to spend some time in the south this winter, and then maybe pick up a degree at the Sorbonne."
Zelda whispered something in his ear.
"Huh? What?" asked Moxie, then wagged his tail and shrugged.
"I've got to learn to speak French," he said.
"But, darling," arfed Zelda, "I'm from Holland."
Developing....
It's Boo.
Boo who? Oh.
Cathy, u stepped into that one.
I'm still scraping it off my shoe! LOL.
My favorite knockknock joke is the one about the banana. Does anybody know that one?
No.
Knock knock. Who's there? Banana. Banana who. Banana who thinks this is the dumbest joke ever.
What is with you, Hooey?
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