While a homesick Moxie must suffer the sting of rejection? (Photo by Erin Scott-Hayne) 
posted by LuLu @ 12:40 AM
LuLu's Desperate House Dogs (formerly the Bow Wow Blog)
LuLu's Desperate House Dogs is a blog about an eccentric little Beagle named LuLu, who, along with her sister Sadie (a Whippet/Terrier/Beagle blend), writes the lurid Puppies in Lust series, and absorbs local color in an idyllic, off-the-leash, canine-centered village known as Lincoln Park~
Monday, February 05, 2007
While a homesick Moxie must suffer the sting of rejection? (Photo by Erin Scott-Hayne)
LuLu's Desperate House Dogs (formerly the Bow Wow Blog)
LuLu's Desperate House Dogs is a blog about an eccentric little Beagle named LuLu, who, along with her sister Sadie (a Whippet/Terrier/Beagle blend), writes the lurid Puppies in Lust series, and absorbs local color in an idyllic, off-the-leash, canine-centered village known as Lincoln Park~
About Me
- Name: LuLu
I am a single five-year-old female Beagle, shown here by myself, while my mix-up of a sister sings the praises of mutts on my blog. Well, let her. I have a most intriguing (one might even say lascivious) past, at least according to my autobiography. In a former lifetime I was Queen Elizabeth the Ist of England, and later on (among others) I was Nell Gwynn, Pauline Borghese, Louise Brooks, and eventually just lovable, neurotic, adorable ME. I have a perfectly charming, albeit very annoying, sister named Sadie. She's rarely plagued by conscience, possibly because she's a Sagittarius. To date she has attempted to steal most of my boyfriends, meaning we're quite used to fighting over bones. Sadie and I are the same age, although she's the adopted one. We do have a fair amount of things in common. For example, she was once Mary Queen of Scots, and later on both Barbara Villiers and Marlene Dietrich. Amazingly we get along -- at least when we're before the public~
Previous Posts
- In the spirit of diversity, Lincoln Park gets its...
- Jade Jardine and Lily leave for Daytona Beach -- ...
- Sometimes a dog can get lost, but he'll eventual...
- ...and Sammy Chan is about to have his paws full....
- Despite being newly tether-tied to a foxy chipmun...
- Lily gives LuLu her blessing from the LilyMobile,...
- Have Morey and his friends at long last found Uto...
- Monica wows the hounds at Poppa Poochies~ (Carto...
- Meanwhile, Chewy drags Sammy Chan to an interestin...
- "The name's Marco," he said...and that was all. A ...
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The Eye On The Park...
Dateline Lincoln Park:
Friends and family members of superceleb Lily Hilton assembled at Lincoln Park International this evening, to welcome home (and back into the arms of her church) their favorite spaniel, who was recently exorcised of a demon in Daytona Beach, Florida.
Lily hopped off a private jet, followed by her adopted daughter, Jade Jardine, and Digby the demon, who yesterday scored a perfect 2400 on his college board exams, and is already thinking ahead to Harvard Law School.
"I feel wonderful," Lily announced to barking fans. "I had a good exorcism, and afterwards squeezed in a little R&R. Now I would like to introduce my soon-to-be adopted son, Digby, to everyone here."
The adorable demon, who looks even more like Lily than her knockout birth son, playboy Moxie Rothschild and Roquefort, wagged his tail, did a little dance, and blew kisses to the infatuated crowd.
"That has to be the cutest dog I've ever seen!" declared a young pugette named Jennie. "He doesn't look like a demon -- he looks like a movie star!"
"He's all a mother could wish for in a son," gushed Morella, an enchanted rat terrier of a certain age in dog years. "He's just darling."
"Sock it to me, baybee!" howled park neurotic, Heidi the anorexic dachshund, who showed up at the airport wearing a 'Team Demon' sweatshirt over her otherwise countable ribs.
And it wasn't just the bitches who went ditzy for Digby.
"He seems like the kind of guy you could, you know, go out with, slurp a drink, trash the garbage with. A dude," was the opinion of Al Corgipoo, who wanted to know where he could get a sweatshirt like Heidi's.
His friend Sid St. Bernard passed on the sweatshirt, but otherwise agreed. "With me it would be a mini keg of brandy, but yeah, he seems like a nice enough dog. I didn't know demons were like that -- real friendly types. Live and learn, I guess."
"I'm going to nominate Digby the demon for the Nobel Prize," vowed Professor Border Collie. "Granted, he hasn't done anything remarkable yet, but neither have Rush Limbaugh and Al Gore. I believe there's some amazing potential there."
"With Rush and Al?" our reporter asked him.
"Good Dog, no! I mean with the demon."
Lily and her family padded to their limo, while police held back the howling mob of well-wishers.
"This is a tough way to make a living," snarled a head-butting cop who looked a lot like Chewbacca, "but someday I can tell my grandpups that I got to see Digby the demon."
The crowd began to chant: "Digby! Digby! Digby!"
"Jaspers!" woofed our reporter. "This thing is going to be bigger than the end of the New York Times."
Heidi the dachshund snorted. "This thing is going to be bigger than what comes after digital," she predicted.
Developing....
No fair! Moxie is much cuter than any demon. Boo!
Hi, Cathy!
I wish the demon would send us some warmer weather. Did you see the Super Bowl?
I watched! The animal ads were funny.
I liked the monkeys!
Do you mean the chimp with the teeth?
Yes! The teeth and the woman with the camera. Was that Budweiser? Their ads r funny.
Most of the ads this year were pretty dumb.
I didn't think so, Jean. I liked most of them.
A few struck me as silly, but I felt most of them were pretty good.
It was a good laugh on a cold day.
I liked the rock, paper, scissors ad.
U would.
Jean, even I wish you would knock off the mean with Jay, and I'm the one he stalked.
Shucks, Kabby, you don't have to fight my battles for me. Jean, cram a Frisbee in there or I'll break your paws!
I liked the "Puppy Bowl"!
Was that a bowlfull of puppies?
I couldn't get on earlier because the blog was down. Jean, I liked the lions commercial. Need I elaborate?
No, Jean, the Puppy Bowl was not a bowl full of puppies.
I await the demon.
There's no wiggle room with you, is there, van Helsing?
Wiggle room? From Fanatics R Us? Bad call, Sandy.
Are you going to rename the blog
LuLu's Hypernormal House Dogs?
Didn't anyone else watch the "Puppy Bowl with the Kitty Half Time Show?
I'm pretty sure my kids did, Lily. I didn't get the chance.
That was on before the Super Bowl, wasn't it?
What is a wiggle room?
Yes, yes, and you're kidding.
I prefer the kitty bowl. LOL.
Moljackava and Jellie prefer the toilet bowl.
Wholly understandable. Oh, van Helsing, wiggle room means flexibility.
I saw the puppy bowl.
You did not!
Demon slayers do not wiggle.
Words to live by, Van.
Puppy bowl? I saw Robert Goulet.
Anybody bother to watch the Super Bowl?
Dude.
I watched the Super Bowl.
Does Peyton Manning need to watch his back?
Have you got one as good?
I do. I am naming Carlot's puppies Peytons.
Beats Chugs.
Peyton Manning is great, and does everbody have heat?
Yes, thank God. WE have a half-foot of snow in Lincoln Park this morning.
Welcome to the wonderful world of winter, Mollie.
I imagine Deuce and Fiver are out there having a ball.
Wouldn't you?
Sure. If I liked snow as much as they do.
I like it but a little at a time. This year has been wild.
What do you think about that story about the astronaut who tried to kill her her rival? It reminded me of something that might happen to Lily.
Could she have been reading the blog? LOL.
Our blog? I think she came up with the idea on her own. But don't be surprised if Lily is attacked by a psycho from NASA a few installments down the line.
Poor Lily! Hasn't she been through enough?
Nobody has cut her parachute line yet, have they?
That's the oldest one in the book. Somebody tried it the other day, but it's STILL the oldest one in the book.
How about Lily orbits Jupiter?
A remake of Debbie Does Dallas?
Or the severalthousand miles high club?
Demons.
Be damned!
From the Journal of Spencer Hilton:
Midnight.
And where is Gwendolyn?
Her burrow hasn't been slept in, and she certainly hasn't been hanging around my pen for any cross-species midnight romps anytime in the past few weeks.
Where is Gwendolyn? Where is she?
In fact, WHO is she might be an equally good question to pose.
Not so very long ago she was Wendy the chipmunk, a clever little rodent con artist, who tried to sink her claws into Lily's fortune. Then she changed her name and moved to Hollywood and became a famous agent.
Now she is tether-tied to me.
And who is she?
Her burrow, as always, is as tidy as a show dog's coat. Plastic bags are neatly folded over freshly bunched leaves, sweet-smelling twigs cover the floor, a tiny mirror set over a dainty, doll-sized dressing table reflects bottles of perfumes with names like Poison, Addict, Ebola, and Taser. In the window there's a candle burning -- a little candle like one you'd put on a birthday cake.
"I wonder what she did with the other bottles?" asks a pleasant androgynous voice. "I understand she bought dozens of bottles of Lily's personal scent from Dixie Cavalier Simba the other day. What do you suppose happened to them?"
I spin about. Gwendolyn's furniture might be tiny, but her burrow is thirty-feet long. "Who in the kennel are you?" I ask.
"I'm Digby the demon," says this dog who isn't exactly a dog, but who certainly doesn't look like a demon. "Candles at midnight have a way of attracting my attention, so I just dropped by. Thought maybe I'd run into a vampire or a tax accountant working late. But you'll do. I've been looking forward to meeting you, Spencer.
"How do you know my name?"
"I just do. Odd about the perfume, don't you think?"
"Well, yes. Gwendolyn came home with so much of it. I thought it had to do with the fact she's intensely jealous of Lily."
"Your former crate mate?"
"Uhm, yes."
"And the bitch you're still in love with?"
"Now, see here!"
"Well, it's true, isn't it? You're also pretty infatuated with LuLu, and you don't really love Gwendolyn at all. Can't imaine why you got tether-tied to her. Can you?"
Story continued below....
The entry in Spencer's Journal continues:
"What exactly is it that you want, Digby?" I ask him.
"Me? Nothing much. I was bored and I never sleep, and you sure aren't having much fun for a dog who's still technically on his honeymoon."
"Gwendolyn is very independent."
"She is that; she hasn't been home in two days."
"My Dog! You don't think she's dead, do you?"
"I kind of doubt it. Gwendolyn is the type of chippie who can pretty much take care of herself. She's not at all like Lily, or even LuLu, for that matter. Is she?"
"Well, no. No, I guess she's not."
"Oh, look at this," says Digby, making himself much smaller and scooting under the dressing table. He comes up with a small vial. "Why, whatever can it be?"
"Your guess is as good as mine. Let me turn on the table lamp. The label's torn, but -- ah! It says 'Church of Lily' on here."
I paw it back to him.
"This must be one of the perfume bottles she bought from Dixie then."
"Must be," says another voice.
Digby the demon smiles. "Hello, Marco," he says.
"How do you know my name?" asks a scruffy-looking mutt with bright, intelligent eyes.
"He just does," I tell him.
"I'm Digby the demon," says the dog who is now back to being about the same size that I am, and he holds out his paw.
Marco sniffs him instead. "You don't have any smell."
"Not now I don't. I'm not before the public. When I'm before the public, I make sure I smell of poop and urine and have bad breath. It's what canines expect."
"I've heard of you, pal," says Marco. "You're a real character."
Digby holds out the vial. "I wonder what this smells like." He opens it.
"Smells like dead fish," says Marco. "Strong stuff. It makes my nose sting."
"I've got a feeling it's not dead fish," comments Digby, and paws the vial over to Marco.
"That's my mate's property," I object.
"You want to go out and pick up babes?" Digby asks me.
"No! I'm tether-tied to Gwendolyn."
"I'm good to go," says Marco.
The two of them nod, shrug, and leave the burrow.
I snap off the table lamp and the candle goes out, and I'm left standing here in complete darkness.
In more ways than one.
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It's our favorite weather! It's minus 10 degrees. Send the demon out here and let's see how long he lasts.
Spencer looks ten years younger!
Hi, Deuce and Fiver. I'm on super late myself. I saw your posting earlier but I was too busy to answer. What have you been up to, Cathy?
Traffic!
I would sell my soul to the devil for a shorter route home. Cathy, is Spencer ten years old?
Oh, Spencer is probably three or four, and I didn't mean that. But he looks really good in that new pix.
Spencer is more likely six or seven. I'm an 11 year old CC and know he's been in the park much longer than Lulu has. Lily is younger. Probably five. Shhh! LOL.
Lily is FIVE? She is as old as one of my sisters!
What is the sting of rejection that Moxie is feeling?
His mother has rejected him for a demon.
So, what else is new?
My mommy didn't love me best, either.
Who can blame her?
Mother?
I was married to a chipmunk once. Boring conversation but incredible love bites.
You're such a complete perv, Bare. HA!
Would anybody like a Peyton?
That u Ken?
Demons can take many forms.
Moxie, you aren't suffering any stings of rejection. We all love you! The Class of 2007.
From what I have seen of Moxie, he is a very happy and well-adjusted dog. Don't take the stories too seriously, bloggers.
We don't!
We decided that Moxie could use some support. Paws up for Spencer, too. LOL.
Is tonight Morey night?
It's Friday? Then it's Morey.
Fish and Morey?
i like Dr. Daisy.
Who doesn't?
Naturally you like Dr. Daisy. Dr. Daisy is a Golden Retriever! LOL!
Personally, I would like to have a name like Jade Jardine, or just Jardine. I love that name!
I could be Jay Jardine or Jay Sardine?
Flounder around for a while, J. See which fits.
Where did Spencer and his squirrel picture go?
I still say that was his wife.
Doesn't look much like a chipmunk, bro.
Beauty (and species) is in the eyes of the beholder.
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