"The name's Marco," he said...and that was all. A newcomer with a terse bark shows up in Lincoln Park. (Photo by J.M. Hilton)
posted by LuLu @ 8:38 PM
LuLu's Desperate House Dogs (formerly the Bow Wow Blog)
LuLu's Desperate House Dogs is a blog about an eccentric little Beagle named LuLu, who, along with her sister Sadie (a Whippet/Terrier/Beagle blend), writes the lurid Puppies in Lust series, and absorbs local color in an idyllic, off-the-leash, canine-centered village known as Lincoln Park~
Sunday, January 07, 2007
"The name's Marco," he said...and that was all. A newcomer with a terse bark shows up in Lincoln Park. (Photo by J.M. Hilton)
LuLu's Desperate House Dogs (formerly the Bow Wow Blog)
LuLu's Desperate House Dogs is a blog about an eccentric little Beagle named LuLu, who, along with her sister Sadie (a Whippet/Terrier/Beagle blend), writes the lurid Puppies in Lust series, and absorbs local color in an idyllic, off-the-leash, canine-centered village known as Lincoln Park~
About Me
- Name: LuLu
I am a single five-year-old female Beagle, shown here by myself, while my mix-up of a sister sings the praises of mutts on my blog. Well, let her. I have a most intriguing (one might even say lascivious) past, at least according to my autobiography. In a former lifetime I was Queen Elizabeth the Ist of England, and later on (among others) I was Nell Gwynn, Pauline Borghese, Louise Brooks, and eventually just lovable, neurotic, adorable ME. I have a perfectly charming, albeit very annoying, sister named Sadie. She's rarely plagued by conscience, possibly because she's a Sagittarius. To date she has attempted to steal most of my boyfriends, meaning we're quite used to fighting over bones. Sadie and I are the same age, although she's the adopted one. We do have a fair amount of things in common. For example, she was once Mary Queen of Scots, and later on both Barbara Villiers and Marlene Dietrich. Amazingly we get along -- at least when we're before the public~
Previous Posts
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- "It's still you, babe!" Rockie and LuLu make a ho...
- Sammy Chan smells something fishy! (Photo by J.M. ...
- Spencer finally returns to Lincoln Park, bringing ...
- Morey's back on a new night! Catch his column ever...
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- As winter begins in Lincoln Park, Chester Samoyed,...
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Now what is this?
Surveillance Tape I
Poppa Poochies Bar:
"So what'll it be, buddy?"
"I'll have a Lone Weasel, and go easy on the dogwood juice."
"Two bowsers."
"No well juice for those prices."
(Two bowsers slide across the bar)
"Gotcha."
"See the bitch on the dock? Long legs, sensational markings?"
"The Dane?"
"That's her."
"Yeah, so?"
"She often out there alone?"
"I don't see her much. Anyways, I'm not the curious type."
(A nine-bowser bill slides across the bar)
"Get serious."
"Mine aren't very serious questions."
(The little mutt behind the bar rolls his eyes)
"I know she lives over in that joint they call the Church of Lily. Seems like a nice enough girl, so I can't figure what she's doin' there. That fancy supermodel, Lily Hilton, is the one what owns the place, and she's always up to crazy rich-bitch stuff, kind of like that other Hilton dame. Her aunt's OK, though. Sure does know her guns and knives -- Aunt Lucinda, I mean."
"That right?"
"Here's your drink. Yeah, she's a different breed of dog. Fact is, she's a spaniel, but she's a different breed -- you get my flea drift."
"Dane got a name?"
"Uh, yeah. But it's something weird. 'Jewel' or 'Gem' or somethin' like that."
"Got a boyfriend?"
"Me?"
"The Dane."
"Oh. Never seen her with nobody but Lily, Lily's business partner, or the aunt. Well, she's got a friend named Chewy -- another bitch, and Chewy's got a boyfriend, none other than the high-and-mighty attorney general hisself. And maybe once I seen the Dane talkin' to Chester Samoyed."
"Sounds Russian."
"It is. He's new in town like you, buddy. Just opened up a fish joint called Chester's Gulag. Strange name for a joint, you ask me, but then I ain't much on foreign food. I've never even tried whale meat or sushi."
"So the Russian and the Dane aren't an item?"
"Naw. I don't think so. Like I said, I only saw them sniffing around each other once."
(Another couple of bowsers slide across the bar along with a business card)
"You want to give me a bark you see them hanging out?"
"Sure. Sure, buddy. It's your arf. Will do."
"Thanks. The drink was OK."
"Glad you liked it, Mr. Shamus."
"Marco. The name's Marco."
"But it says 'Shamus' on the card."
(Exit Poppa Poochies Bar)
What breed of dog is Marco?
Marco? Like the island?
Maybe Marco knows J?
He doesn't look familiar if he's roaming around the park. I will look for him on my walk today. Marco is a lot smaller than me, but he sure sounds interesting.
He looks like a terrier mix to me. Jack Russell, maybe?
Heinz 57? (Giggle)
If Marco's card said Shamus, could he be a possum in a dog suit? LOL
No.
Getting curious, aren't you, Kabby?
I smell the stench of desperation.
She could look like Feloney.
She could look like Ken!
She could not.
And I want her to dominate me the way the Gators dominated OSU! Out howlin'
Was the blog down earlier? I tried to get on and couldn't. I am so glad Shamus is coming back!
The blog was down. We are in the process of switching over from one cyber kibble to another -- which is the best way for a dog to explain it. We apologize, but please expect more of this.
I'm beginning to think that J might be from Florida. He seemed smugly pleased that Ohio State got beat for the championship.
What is going on here?
No answer from Kabby? Was it something I said?
Sorry, J, but the blog's been down most of the day...which might explain why she didn't respond...if she planned to in the first place.
Hoohaw! You got yours back, Jav! LOLAU!
What happened to my insulting posting about Jean? It got removed that fast? I am impressed.
Are Blog Gnomes bad? I wan to see one. I'm getting a pink stroller next week!
Are they former garden gnomes?
A gnome from Nome?
I'd rather hear less about gnomes and more about Lily's new pink stroller.
How come a stroller? Isnt Lilly more the sportscar type?
E-mail from Bleu Girl to her sister LuLu:
Bon Jour, Big Sis!
Here I am back in La Belle France, and this time I don't have the law after me. LOL. This time I'm playing the role of paw candy for Moxie and it's great!
We've been traveling all around the country together, and Moxie keeps introducing me as his "petite amie," which is all right, but I wish instead he would tell everybody that I'm his hot new bitch from the States and the next Duchess of Rothschild and Roquefort.
The thing is, except for showing me off a lot, he treats me more like a littermate than a girlfriend, and since I'm now an adult dog with a hot past, it's kind of belittling.
Not that my past is THAT hot. I mean, Rockie and I had fun, but I think he would rather chase sticks with you -- and since it's a little hard for me to 'fess up here, sis, I hope you'll be big about it and send me a few extra bowsers.
Not that the allowance you send isn't generous, and Rockie gave me a nice going-away present too, but you have no idea how expensive things are over here, and if I'm going to run with Moxie and his pack of play dogs and Cannes hounds, I have to look super HOT and ULTRA trendy.
Oh, I've met the most terrific dog and YOU KNOW HIM. Remember Buddy Pepper, the DY-NA-MITE playboy who used to be married to your friend Gracie? He and Moxie are sort of friends, and he is so much fun.
Buddy has only nice things to say about Gracie, mainly as she settled a huge chunk of bowsers on him and never even howled. (She must be ROLLING, and I don't mean in goose poop!)
"A nice reward confers its own virtue," Buddy told me when I asked him about Gracie.
Isn't that sweet? At least I think it is. Half the time I don't understand what Buddy's barking about. He can be deep when he wants to be.
Oh, his former mistress, a Neopolitan mastiff named Fyancee, tried to throw herself in front of a bus after she found one of Gracie's old chew toys in the back of Buddy's pen, but she was saved by a rescue St. Bernard and has now gone off to Switzerland with him to help save people from avalanches and things.
Can you imagine doing that after all the fun she was having? UGH!
Anyway, Buddy was sniffing around me in Cannes the other day, but I know I'm not rich enough for his blood -- and if I become his mistress, Moxie might drop me, so I can't afford to risk it.
Oh, Lu! Mox has introduced me to some of the most fascinating dogs on the planet! Aside from Buddy, I met his father, the current Duke of Rothschild and Roquefort. He is so distinguished and grand! Granted, he did try to get me to roll over a couple of times, but I think he was just kidding around. He's got bitches galore on his tail, in particular his lawyer, who seems to sniff him out wherever he goes.
Moxie also introduced me to his brother Logan, and to his weird but very IN Aunt Spirea (who I guess raised him and Logan) and this really eerie Pharaoh hound she met on a recent trip to Egypt.
He recited passages from the Book of the Dead, while she read my bones for me.
Guess what? She told me I was going to lead a "very interesting" life. I just knew it! How exciting!
I also ran into Tabitha the cat. Do you remember her? She's the ex-wife of that awful dictator turned movie producer.
Chantilly Khat, the gorgeous actress, is letting her (and her horrible HERD of kittens) stay at her Paris flat while she makes a picture in New York. (I hear Chantilly's doing a remake of Ingmar Briard's "Cries and Hisses, and will probably win the Tomcat Award.)
Tabitha told me she wants to go back to Lincoln Park, and I think she managed to get a few bowsers out of Moxie, who can be a soft touch.
"I understand a relative of Lily Hilton's has opened a military school," she said. "You know, I used to be a soldier."
Weird, huh?
Oh, here is something that will blow your harness off, Lu! MOXIE said he might want to move back to Lincoln Park too!!!!!!
Can you even fathom it? He runs around with the rich and famous, and he wants to go home!!!!
Well, I don't; that's for sure.
Madame Spirea said I would lead an interesting life, and I mean to do it....and NOT in Lincoln Park!
Love and Licks, Bleu Girl
PS: I still want to be a duchess, though. And please remember to send those extra bowsers!
Lily needs a pink bike! A snow-bike would be best.
All this talk of pink and blue. Is someone pregnant?
If so, it's not ME.
I see that Blue is in France again but what about that dog Marco/Shamus? Who IS he? I want Shamus back.
Calm down, Cathy! I have been following the story lines as I can, and I imagine he will be brought back later, but his story was already told. Marco is more likely a shamus as in detective. In the old days a detective was a shamus!
Don't pick on me, Carole. My opinion's as good as yours is and I think Shamus and Marco r one and the same.
You're right, Carole. I had forgotten that! Marco the terrier is a shamus, or a detective.
My middle name is Shamus.
He never quits, does he?
No way.
Want to go to Poppa Poochies bar and knock back a few brewskis, Jean?
Jean only dates dogs, Bret. Which is not a bad idea.
I'm not dating any of you!
Do I detect a chill vibe in the air?
U sense ice water in your jocks.
Feloney and Carlot and me are happy.
Best wishes, Ken.
I looked up the word shamus and you r right, Carole. But Shamus himself is not a detective. IS he?
Shamus is Shamus. He might turn out to be a Shamus but he isn't.
I'm not making any sense!
I get it!
I plan to keep a sharp eye out for Lily in her stroller. If I see Shamus, Cathy, I will let you know.
I'm beginning to think I'm more of a cat person.
I guess so! I can't even spell my own name!
I'm not surprised, Kitty.
I like girls named Kitty.
Does this mean I'm at long last jilted?
Does this mean U are actually interested, Kabby?
Try E-Harmony, Jay.
I tried there and flunked.
E-mail from ChewMalt to LegalDog:
Sam! Don't you ever answer your e-mail...your phone messages...or check out your fax?
I have tried and tried and tried to get hold of you! I even left messages with your snotty Havanese assistant, and I'm betting she never even gave them to you. She KNOWS I'm your girlfriend, but she treats me like I'm some kind of nuisance.
Oh, Sammy, I hate to complain so much, but you are so HARD TO GET HOLD OF!!!!!
Sam, I am honest-to-Dog worried about my only friend in Lincoln Park, aside from you, Lover. That, of course, is the Great Dane, Jade Jardine, and I just feel like something's up with her.
I went over to that creepy Church of Lily for another French lesson this afternoon. Those two vicious hyena cubs were sitting outside on the porch -- crouching would be more like it -- like they were guarding the place or something.
"Are you cleared for admittance, Miss?" one of them asked me, while the other one just laughed and stared.
"I'm Jade's friend," I told them, sounding as self-assured as I could. "I'M ALSO THE ATTORNEY GENERAL'S GIRLFRIEND."
They let me alone after that, but I could hear them laughing their eerie, psychotic laugh the whole way down the hall.
I saw Jade going into her new perfume lab then -- and it looked like she was chasing her tail! "What are you doing?" I barked, and she almost jumped right out of her skin, which she could almost do, since she hasn't completely grown into it yet.
She ignored my question and pretended like there was nothing wrong, and she showed me around the lab, and everything smelled good. She's got duck poop blended with rose petals, and violets awash in tubs of rabbit urine -- things like that. "In France I was a nose for people," she said, "but here I am a nose for animals. It's quite a different thing."
I should think so! People prefer the strangest smells. It makes you wonder about them, doesn't it?
I looked out her window and saw Aunt Lucinda -- who Jade said prefers to be known as the 'Iron Commander'-- putting a pack of cadets through their paces. "How do you stand all that growling and snarling?" I asked her, but she insisted she was used to it.
"Would you like to come to a party this weekend?" she asked me. "It's going to be at Poppa Poochies on Sunday, and it's mostly family, but you're my closest friend in town, and I'd like to have you and Sammy there."
I thought she sounded scared!
After my lesson, when we left the lab, she did the tail chasing thing again. "What is wrong with you?" I asked her.
"I think I'm being followed," she said.
Sam, we have got to show up at that party on Sunday. If you won't go with me, I will go by myself.
By the way, your Havanese assistant really needs to get her hair cut.
What's a Havanese?
A dog from Havanna?
I'm sure everybody knows that the blog has been down again. This is my third attempt to get on. I don't want to go outside because it's raining and my coat gets funky. I will have to go outside unfortunately. I have to pee.
We can still look at the pictures!
The blog has been down a lot lately. Problems with the grid? Cathy, maybe Shamus plans to come back in a big way?
Let's blame it all on Archie Catt!
You gave me your card. Quirky. Droll. A very different site.
You ain't seen the half of it, Jules.
Are you bopping anyone, Jules?
How nice of you to ask. After I gargle vomit puke, I may decide to respond.
That pretty much says it all, Jay.
I'm guessing that Jules is really Jean.
I'm guessing neutered dogs r the happiest dogs.
Don't touch them knobs, brother!
See what happens when you let females in politics!
Politics? You on beta blockers now, Hooey?
Betas? My grandpaw is on Betas!
Dogs take beta blockers now? I'm lucky so far. My old bones ache now and again, but I've always been pretty healthy.
I get puppy vitamins!
Too bad. I was hoping that JulieS would be on. We must have lunch! Cyber lunch, thread lunch? I like that girl!
She's got some chutzpah, that one.
It's cold outside -- frozen dongers! What is so ouawh about JulieS? She told J not to sniff her veejay? Gasp! Next....
I am not JulieS, but I wish I was. LOL.
I wish you was, too, Jean.
Looks like JulieS cleared out the place.
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Alright, let's try this space. You know, I remember that picture of LuLu and Ike from one of your first stories. Is Ike still in Cincinnati or has he moved on to Hobart, Tasmania, or Tirana, Albania? There is a dog in the park who is his wagging image!
Never dispair for Kingsley is there and so is Feloney tap tpa.
Are Prince Paco and blue eyed Sydney still together?
I remember Sydney, an Australian lass who took off with a German. Yeah, whatever did happen to her?
Pretty Sydney, when last we heard, was still planning to get tether-tied to Prince Paco, currently Senator Paco, in Washington D.C. She is likely to pay a return visit to Lincoln Park before Valentines Day, possibly to help out her blue-eyed relative, Blue?
How about a picture of "Feloney" at long last, Kingsley? We've been using our imaginations way too long on this one.
Oh, not again! A lot of people on this blog must have hangovers.
I've drawn slightly different conclusions. It's Sunday. Some of the pups are probably in church, a few are sleeping in.
Jay, Yogi, and Hooey are hung over!
I'm not hung over, Kabby. Just hung.
Shouldn't that be "hanged"?
Best riposte I've yet to read on this blog. Leashes off, KKB.
Have it your way, Kabby. I'm really HANGED. Sure looks that way.
I'm really DAMP. Our basement has flooded and so has the garage. We had a new roof put on three years ago and it seems to have sprung a leak. Lulu, what happened to IDYLLIC Lincoln Park? I can't go out and play and there's a foot of water in my dog house. This sucks.
Invite J over, Mollie. LOL.
Things r about to get nasty.
OOEEE -- something to live 4.
That all you got to live for, Jum, you are screwed, my man.
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