Meanwhile, Chewy drags Sammy Chan to an interesting party~ (Photo by J.M. Hilton)
posted by LuLu @ 12:10 AM
LuLu's Desperate House Dogs (formerly the Bow Wow Blog)
LuLu's Desperate House Dogs is a blog about an eccentric little Beagle named LuLu, who, along with her sister Sadie (a Whippet/Terrier/Beagle blend), writes the lurid Puppies in Lust series, and absorbs local color in an idyllic, off-the-leash, canine-centered village known as Lincoln Park~
Monday, January 15, 2007
Meanwhile, Chewy drags Sammy Chan to an interesting party~ (Photo by J.M. Hilton)
LuLu's Desperate House Dogs (formerly the Bow Wow Blog)
LuLu's Desperate House Dogs is a blog about an eccentric little Beagle named LuLu, who, along with her sister Sadie (a Whippet/Terrier/Beagle blend), writes the lurid Puppies in Lust series, and absorbs local color in an idyllic, off-the-leash, canine-centered village known as Lincoln Park~
About Me
- Name: LuLu
I am a single five-year-old female Beagle, shown here by myself, while my mix-up of a sister sings the praises of mutts on my blog. Well, let her. I have a most intriguing (one might even say lascivious) past, at least according to my autobiography. In a former lifetime I was Queen Elizabeth the Ist of England, and later on (among others) I was Nell Gwynn, Pauline Borghese, Louise Brooks, and eventually just lovable, neurotic, adorable ME. I have a perfectly charming, albeit very annoying, sister named Sadie. She's rarely plagued by conscience, possibly because she's a Sagittarius. To date she has attempted to steal most of my boyfriends, meaning we're quite used to fighting over bones. Sadie and I are the same age, although she's the adopted one. We do have a fair amount of things in common. For example, she was once Mary Queen of Scots, and later on both Barbara Villiers and Marlene Dietrich. Amazingly we get along -- at least when we're before the public~
Previous Posts
- "The name's Marco," he said...and that was all. A ...
- A nose is a nose is a nose? Jade Jardine's valuabl...
- Chester Samoyed is charming, accomplished and musi...
- "It's still you, babe!" Rockie and LuLu make a ho...
- Sammy Chan smells something fishy! (Photo by J.M. ...
- Spencer finally returns to Lincoln Park, bringing ...
- Morey's back on a new night! Catch his column ever...
- Jade Jardine finally gets to meet the family. (Pho...
- Now that she's back from Nepal (via Paris) will li...
- As winter begins in Lincoln Park, Chester Samoyed,...
Subscribe to
Posts [Atom]
84 Comments:
From the files of Attorney General Sammy Chan:
The bowls were piled high in a back room at Poppa Poochies tonight, and because Chewy insisted that we be fashionably late, her friend Jade almost missed the toast which was slurped in her honor.
"Why, Jade is the reason we're having the party!" Lady Dixie Simba informed us, with a quick, chastising growl, as saucers of dogwood juice were quickly set before us. "In the short time she's been here, that girl has created two new perfume fragrances for us -- and business is booming!"
Jade stretched out on the floor and covered her face with her paws. A symbolic gesture, perhaps, but hardly an effective one. Since she is a Great Dane, there's no possible way Jade can hide her light under a bushel of dog chow.
"Thank you, Dixie," she replied modestly, and wagged her tail in the direction of Lily, her adopted mother, who was decked out in a disphanous pink gown that made my Chewy quiver with envy.
"I'll bet it's from the Gilded Paw or Barker&Meowsky, or it might even be from a fancy French boutique," she yipped in my ear. "And will you look at that ruby collar. I'm going to dye my coat pink tomorrow!"
"Please don't," I implored her. "I like your coat the way it is."
I also like her smell the way it usually is, but Chewy insisted on wearing some of Jade's new perfume to the party -- and while the aroma didn't lack appeal, I missed her tangy natural scent. Of course I didn't tell her so.
"I'm wearing a third new fragrance," Lily announced to the gathered pack. "It's my new personal scent and it's not for sale at any price."
"That's a nice nip at Spencer's chipmunk wife who stole her signature fragrance," Chewy commented. "Guess who's going to be sniffing out a new male soon?"
Generally I enjoy listening to my girlfriend's endless yipping, but tonight I was put off by it. "I thought we were here to keep an eye on Jade," I reminded her. "I don't want to get sidetracked, Chewy."
"Well, bite me," she said, and began barking up a conversation with Rush or Randhi -- one of the coyotes, who was seated at her right and was busy devouring two roasted chickens. Jade was seated to my left, and by then she was engaged in an arf-and-arf with Lady Dixie.
Directly across from me was the incandescently beautiful Lily, wolfing down some raw steak with a little whale meat on the side, and seated next to her was Aunt Lucinda, whose hard eyes carefully studied me from behind a pair of spectacles with plain glass for lenses. I noticed that she carried a small handgun in a holster attached to her harness. I guessed that it wasn't registered, but was not about to ruin the party by challenging her.
Crouched next to her were the two hyena cubs, Jekyll and Hyde, who twice nipped at the waiter, at which point Aunt Lucinda raised a paw and began to stroke her butter knife. The cubs turned sullen, but politely gulped their food, and remained as placid as English spaniels for the rest of the evening.
Story continued below...
Story continued...
From what I could tell, Jade Jardine was perfectly relaxed, and I began to suspect that Chewy had made up the story about Jade thinking she was being followed in order to get me out of my office and drag me to this party.
Then again, I was well aware that Jade was being watched.
Lady Dixie's husband, Lord (General) Mondo Simba, arrived shortly before the last course of squirrel mousse.
"He and Dixie are attempting a reconciliation," Chewy deigned to tell me. "It's a good time to do so, since he'll be out of town on a military campaign for the next four months."
"You should be a gossip columnist," I told her. "You seem to know everything about everybody." For that matter, it occurred to me that she might prove a very deft paw at blackmail, but I didn't tell her so.
Just as after-dinner drinks were being poured into saucers, LuLu the Beagle showed up, escorted by a terrier mix who looked familiar.
"Oh, my!" barked Chewy. "She's supposed to be rolling on her back for Chester Samoyed. I wonder who this dog might be."
Evidently LuLu heard her. "Chester is working late at the restaurant," she howled, ever so slightly baring her canines at my girlfriend.
"I wish he'd open his place on Sundays!" howled Lady Dixie. "Not that I don't love Poppa's -- but Chester's has such a nice continental flavor."
"The food's good too," put in her mate, earning a painful little non-reconciliatory nip from his spouse.
"Anyway, this is Marco," LuLu introduced her date. "We grabbed some roadkill on the way, but I wanted to howl hello, so we decided to stop by for a slurp."
Jade Jardine made a rumbling noise somewhere in the back of her massive throat before urgently nudging me with a trembling front paw the size of my head. "Sam," she yipped, "that's him! I'm sure LuLu's date is the dog who's been tailing me."
What is next for Lily, four rottweilers and a sedan chair?
What kind of bike is that, Lily?
Did Lily just run over Spencer? LOL.
Lily is a trendsetter. Soon all of America will have their dogs in strollers!
We liked the picture of Lily with the hat.
So did I! I know they have to change them from time to time, but that pictue was one of Lily's very best. Pink is her favorite color? Can dogs see pink?
From what I hear dogs can't see reds and that means Lily could not see pink. You got to remember that most dogs also can't talk or run busineses, so Lily can probably see pink.
I have it on the best authority that Lily can see ONLY pink~
So Lily is a pinko? Is Spencer still cross dressing?
He's not as emotionally scarred as I am.
Give me a moment to phone out for violins.
And a noose.
Hey!
Who am I, Saddam's brother?
Suicide's not worth it, Jay. All it does is cheer up other people.
What iz it with u peeple! 2 many triple chasers!
Not many other dogs know this, but I'm excessively fond of pink.
Mauve for me, if you please.
Spencer sure looks surprised!What is Lulu's favorite color, and I thought dogs were completely color blind.
What happened to the Mollies? I hope Mollie Mollie's house didn't end up in the middle of Lincoln Park lake!
I tried again! The blog must be down.
Finally!
I haven't had any trouble, Molly. Are you sure it isn't your computer?
It isn't. I had trouble earlier 2. now I forgot what I wanted to post.
(teehee)
Post anyway. I do. This blog is a break. Talking dogs beat a sucky job.
What kind of work are you in, Jumbret?
U don't want to know, Jean.
Who is this guy - Chester Samoyed?
Jack Bauer?
He probably cleans public latrines.
R U trying for High KU? He said a sucky job. Maybe he's a straw tester?
I'm a professional crash test dummy. Satisfied?
That's what you get for chasing cars, Jum.
Dead Dog! Please! Play Dead Dog!
We love our job! We guard the house while our best friend works, and our perks r bike riding, sledding, playing for hours at a time.
Jumbret, U have got the wrong job.
So do I compared to your lifestyle, DeuceandFiver. You have so much fun in the snow, maybe we should move back to Maine. I would like to see real snow instead of what we get here. Today we are having an ice storm. Some fun!
My dogs are envious of Deuce&Fiver! I can't see Molj or Jellie on a bike but they might like the sleds.
Do you live in Seattle, Cathy?
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Ooops! Sorry about that.
Hey!
I'm in the midwest, Mariposa!!!
I'm in the midwest but I was brought up in Maine. It snowed like mad in Maine.
I think I'll move to Maine!
Where in Maine, Cathy? That's my family's stronghold.
I'm for Oklahoma, although not for their weather now.
Half my family's in Canada. The rest r in the midwest.
Who cares? Where is KKB today?
You are SO RUDE.
Indiana's not so hot at present.
I am not rude, I am direct. I don't care where you LADIES are from. I'm interested in Kabby.
I have an idea most of your fan club posts at work, J, which might explain why you rarely hear from them later on. When is the last time KKB was on the blog at night?
I'm posting this from home, smarts.
Some of us work at home.
What is it that U do, Jean? Guard dog?
Got a hunch Jean was working late.
I work at home.
Basket weaving doesn't count, Ken.
Surveillance Tape 2
Poppa Poochies Bar
"Anybody ever told you you look like a hamster version of Angelina Jolie?"
The dame sitting on the barstool next to me places her drink dead set in the middle of a stain on the bar top. "Yeah, and I always tell them to get lost, mainly because I'm a ferret, and if they can't see that far, they're blind or drunk. Maybe both."
"You can't blame a burrowing rodent for trying." He vanishes like fleas in a creosol dip.
She lifts her glass, looks me over. "Gerbils. Drunk or sober, their pickup lines suck."
I lap at my drink and give her the eye and sniff. "So do mine." Expensive clothes, well-tufted fur, great lips, cute set of whiskers...but beady eyes.
"Want another Lone Weasel?" asks the bartender.
"Sure and get the lady another dose of whatever she's having."
The lady nods and the bartender leaves. "My name is Monica."
"Marco."
"You new in town?"
"Yeah. You?"
"Sort of. Where are you from?"
"Pretty much all over. I'm a dog likes to keep on the move. You?"
The bartender returns with her drink. She sips it. "Last stop was Los Angeles."
"Been there."
"Who hasn't? Before that, it was Vilnius, Lithuania."
The bartender returns with my drink. Four bowsers slide across the bar top. The bartender rolls his eyes; I make it five.
"I haven't been there. So what's your game?"
"Who said I had one?"
"A good-looking dame like you?" I look down at one neat leg extending from a slit in her skirt. "In your case, maybe a conflagration. And you hop up on the barstool next to mine?"
"Only stool left." She smiles and her whiskers dance. "But if I had a game, what do you think it would be?"
I slurp my drink, wag my tail. "How about industrial spy?"
She laughs. "Because I'm a ferret? Sorry, but you're way off. Actually, I'm in the antiques trade. What about you? Are you an industrial spy?"
"A beat-up mutt like me? Nah. I'm a professional gambler."
"No kidding?"
"Yeah. Your job sounds interesting too."
I set down my glass. "Walk you back to your burrow?"
She shakes her head. "I'm meeting a friend here later."
"Well, see you around then, Monica. Maybe we can get together sometime. Have lunch or dinner?"
"Sounds like a plan."
I nod and head for the door. Reach for my wallet, but it's gone just like I knew it would be. Once in a while it's refreshing to meet a dame who can lie almost as well as I can.
(Exit Poppa Poochies)
YES! I knew she would be back! And Shamus will be next!
I saw that earlier and waited for you to comment, Cathy. LOVE Monica's new outfit. She the best looking ferret in Lincoln Park! I hope they bring Shamus back soon, too.
Welcome back, Miss Monica. I would probably eat u if I met u, but there's not much chance of that. My dog house has icicles today. I am glad I'm inside where it's warm.
It would be nice if I could fit into a stroller like Lily.
The Ferret is back! But who is this wise acre Marco?
I would like to see Monica have a decent relationship. Marco sounds shaky.
Marco sounds like a bad boy.
I kind of like him!
I tried to get on before but couldn't. I think it's Jean. Glad to hear from you again, Kabby.
Up your retractable, Jay!
Jean, my hide is thicker than your barbs can penetrate. Keep ranting, doll. You're hopeless.
I get the feeling dog strollers will soon become very popular.
It is cold outside. I need to stop by Poppa Poochies for a drink. I wonder what dogwood juice tastes like?
Isn't dogwood deadly?
Dogwood? No. I looked it up, and it's completely harmless, but I wouldn't feed it to my dog or cat.
UGH. It has to taste awful.
Why? Kind of bitter maybe.
There's dogwood jam, which probably tastes something like quince jelly, but I'm guessing. However, dogwood juice is not toxic, which means the blog writers are not being irresponsible in allowing their fictitious characters to drink it.
My grandmaw used to feed me quince jelly. I liked it. I've never heard of dogwood jelly (or jam), but I would be interested in trying some. Probably would not feed it to my dog.
I'll feed it to mine, or better yet, to Ken's dog Felonious, or whatever its name is.
Where have U been, Kabby? I've had to put up with Jean in your absence.
HA!
Oh good. The Wicked Witch is back.
We got a Trump-Rosie thang goin on? Ydon U 2 thread ez, kiss & makeup? U R BORRRRRRRRRRRING.
RRRRRRReally? Fact of it is, I kind of agree.
Jean is a bayyyeeetch. Gumbo. Jay's just a stalker.
Dont nobody around here ever hang out?
Post a Comment
Subscribe to Post Comments [Atom]
<< Home