Jade Jardine and Lily leave for Daytona Beach -- on a spiritual quest. (Photo by J.M. Hilton) 
posted by LuLu @ 10:21 PM
LuLu's Desperate House Dogs (formerly the Bow Wow Blog)
LuLu's Desperate House Dogs is a blog about an eccentric little Beagle named LuLu, who, along with her sister Sadie (a Whippet/Terrier/Beagle blend), writes the lurid Puppies in Lust series, and absorbs local color in an idyllic, off-the-leash, canine-centered village known as Lincoln Park~
Sunday, January 28, 2007
Jade Jardine and Lily leave for Daytona Beach -- on a spiritual quest. (Photo by J.M. Hilton)
LuLu's Desperate House Dogs (formerly the Bow Wow Blog)
LuLu's Desperate House Dogs is a blog about an eccentric little Beagle named LuLu, who, along with her sister Sadie (a Whippet/Terrier/Beagle blend), writes the lurid Puppies in Lust series, and absorbs local color in an idyllic, off-the-leash, canine-centered village known as Lincoln Park~
About Me
- Name: LuLu
I am a single five-year-old female Beagle, shown here by myself, while my mix-up of a sister sings the praises of mutts on my blog. Well, let her. I have a most intriguing (one might even say lascivious) past, at least according to my autobiography. In a former lifetime I was Queen Elizabeth the Ist of England, and later on (among others) I was Nell Gwynn, Pauline Borghese, Louise Brooks, and eventually just lovable, neurotic, adorable ME. I have a perfectly charming, albeit very annoying, sister named Sadie. She's rarely plagued by conscience, possibly because she's a Sagittarius. To date she has attempted to steal most of my boyfriends, meaning we're quite used to fighting over bones. Sadie and I are the same age, although she's the adopted one. We do have a fair amount of things in common. For example, she was once Mary Queen of Scots, and later on both Barbara Villiers and Marlene Dietrich. Amazingly we get along -- at least when we're before the public~
Previous Posts
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The Eye On The Park...
Dateline Lincoln Park:
A most interesting arrival today in the form of one, Tabitha Catt, ex-wife of erstwhile global menace, Archibald Catt, who is currently serving a long sentence (in fact, an entire paragraph) in a Lithuanian pound for crimes too numerous to mention.
"I cannot be held responsible for the actions of my former husband," said Ms. Catt, who arrived (coach) at Lincoln Park International with her eight adolescent catkins: Buffy, Cuffy, Duffy, Enuffy, Fluffy, Huffy, Muffy, and Teflon.
Ms. Catt further informed us that she's been offered the position of instructor for the junior bayonet brigade at Aunt Lucinda's military school and boot camp.
"I have all the necessary requirements," she said. "Before I was a wife and mother, I was a soldier in Archie's revolutionary army the first time he attempted to conquer the world. Aunt Lucinda says I'm exactly what she's looking for in a faculty member."
Ms. Catt said she'll start off her new job teaching a kindergarten class the basics of urban guerilla warfare. "You'd be amazed how eager the young are to learn military tactics," she said.
We had a few more questions for Ms. Catt, but Buffy and Muffy badly clawed us, and it took us a while to staunch the flow of blood.
Also glimpsed at the airport:
Uber celeb Lily Hilton, tightly wrapped in a straitjacket by Bitches Gone Wild of Phoenix, was seen being loaded aboard a private jet early this evening, accompanied by her adopted daugher Jade Jardine, and two hefty Rottweilers in white coats of unknown design. According to a spokesbarker, the pair was headed for Daytona Beach, on what he described as a "spiritual quest."
When pressed, literally, the spokesbarker spilled his entire bowl of kibble, and told us that Lily and Jade were on their way to meet a former NASCAR mascot named Rev, who recently saw the face of Dog on a beer-can lid.
"As I'm sure you know, considering what inveterate snoops you are, Lily's been suffering from a nervous condition and Jade has lost her sense of smell," said he.
"We hear Lily's been possessed by a demon."
"Whatever. Anyway, Rev's a good ole boy who insists he can help them, and they're up for shelling out ten-thousand bowsers and the down payment on a double-wide cathouse in order to find out."
"So Lily's no better?" we asked, feigning genuine concern.
"Did you see the way they loaded her on that plane?" he growled. "I think they'd rather be flying with Hannibal Lector."
Gosh.
Developing....
Rev the NASCAR mascot is a cat?
Hmmmmm.
Please bring Shamus back!
Bring Lily back! I know that I can help her.
Bring back Steppenwolf!
LOL. Did you arrive with the snow and cold temperatures, van Helsing? Could your real name be Jack Frost?
Who are u really, van Helsing, Jay or Ken?
Well, it's not me. I feel sorry for Lily and hope she will be able to lay her demon to rest. I am going to have a demon of a time making flight plans for next week!
Are you going to the Bahamas again?
No -- to Texas! It's a business matter. Who knows where Lily will turn up next, maybe I can catch a ride back with her on her private jet?
There are days when I feel like I could use an exorcist.
Poor Kabby stuck in Texas. I'm lying here on the beach in Key West, enjoying the coffee scented breezes wafting in from Cuba.
You wish!
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Come on! So what if Lily is sleeping with a demon?
You're right, bret. We've all been there and done that.
You wish!
Goths only like black because they can't find anything darker!
Lily, I can help you!
Are you the real Dick Cheney?
How dare you say such mean things to Dracula!
We have an entire week of snow ahead of us! Could anything be better? Send your demon to us, Lily, and we will take him sledding!
I AM NOT DRACULA!
Good morning, Dracula!
Hi, Deuce&Fiver. Glad u two have got your snow. Have fun!
We've got snow in Lincoln Park, Deuce and Fiver, but it's wet and sloppy, and it's VERY cold.
Van Helsing, who are you really?
I am Van Helsing.
If Lily is smart, she will stay in Daytona Beach.
Van Helsing is Jay or Yogibare, or one of the other smart asses. Am I allowed to say that on this blog?
You must be, Jean, the blog didn't destroy your message.
I guess the blog gnomes r goin to let us get gritty.
It's going to be 75 and sunny here in Key West tomorrow. Don't know what it will be like in Daytona Beach, but who wants to go north?
Guess I'll do some work in the morning and spend the rest of the day working on my tan.
Wasn't Van Helsing once married to Valerie Bertinelli?
No, but he wrote Brown-Eyed Girl.
Oh, that is so LAME! Yogi, I expected better from you.
So did I!
Has your dog had her pups yet?
Why does Ken never answer?
Kingsley lives in his own little world. Do you think he even has a dog?
Where is Dracula this morning?
I am not Dracula.
Hello, Van Helsing. Were you ever married to Valerie Bertinelli? LOL.
To get down to basics, what is it that you can do for Lily?
I can rid her of her demon.
would u like to meet my sisters?
How would you do that, Van Helsing?
I have my ways.
Does your treatment involve spiders and bats?
How about a voo-doo-doo cat doll for dogs?
A prize for the dog with the most number of out-of-body travel miles?
Make fun of me if you will, but I can rid you of demons and vampires.
That's OK, Van, I'll stick with my friends.
The Eye On The Park...
Dateline Lincoln Park:
"Lily has been exorcised," barked the tinny voice on my knock-off cell phone. "The demon has left her body and was last seen gnawing on a Greenies dental chew."
"Dixie?"
"Who else?" she inquired, sounding surprised. "I figured you gossip-hounds would be panting for any news from Daytona. Well, Jade just sent a text message, giving me the skinny. Evidently, Lily took one look at the image of Dog on the lid of that beer can, woofed an unearthly howl, and the demon shot out of her mouth and took off after Rev, the cat."
"Rev? Oh, the good ole boy who used to be with NASCAR. Don't tell me the demon caught him?"
"Jade said he did, and Rev is no longer technically a male, but then he let him go. Even demons have their pride, I guess, and Digby did not want to live inside the body of a cat -- neutered or otherwise."
"Digby?"
"The demon. According to Jade, he's really cute. Somewhat plastic in appearance, but I understand demons are like that."
"So what are they going to do with, uhm, Digby -- banish him to Hell?"
"Great ground beef with gravy! Lily would never dream of doing anything so crude. Instead, she plans to adopt him and get him into therapy."
"Dixie, this is a demon, right? The kind of entity once written about in the 'Malleus Maleficarum'? Are we lapping out of the same bowl here?"
"I'm guessing so, although I never read the book or even saw the movie. I didn't know animals COULD be possessed until it happened to Lily."
"It's my understanding that a demon can possess anybody it wants to possess. St. Hillary once drove a demon out of his camel -- or so it is written."
"Written in the tabs, I bet! I didn't know senators could become saints, and when did she get a camel?"
"Dixie, it's getting late and I'm suffering from doggy flu."
"Oh, dear. Try a milk bone dipped in dogwood juice. That always works wonders for me. It even works in place of Prozac."
"Thanks for the tip. Are Lily and Jade on their way home?"
Article contined below...
article continued...
"They are, and Digby is traveling with them."
"Just one big happy family, huh? Lily's got quite a brood these days -- Moxie over in France, Jade Jardine, the two hyena cubs, and now a demon. She's easily outdone both Madonna and Angelina Jolie in my estimation."
"Speaking of Jade," said Dixie, "the poor thing has yet to regain her sense of smell."
"Oh, that is a shame. She considered sniffing to be her life's work."
"Well, at least she doesn't have to worry about that new perfume she whipped up for Lily."
"How's that?"
"Spencer's wife, Gwendolyn Monk, came in this morning and bought out our entire supply. It cost her a fortune! But who's counting -- aside from our accountant? 'Spencer loves the scent on me,' she squeaked, and now she's got enough to swim in."
"Do chipmunks swim, Dixie?"
"How the kennel would I know? You're the one with all the answers. Listen, I'll post a picture of Digby on LuLu's blog. According to Jade, he's adorable in the flesh -- or whatever."
"A veritable Demon Lover?"
"What?"
"Thanks for the tip, Dixie."
Click.
Developing...but getting shriven first...
Well, here you are, van Helsing. The demon is in your midst.
If the demon be real, I shall fight to the death.
As demons go, that one is pretty cute.
He's not exactly The Omen, is he? LOL.
My CATS wouldn't be afraid of this demon.
Jay is more of a demon!
Digby the demon? Too cute!
Doesn't Digby mean "boy" in Celtic, or something?
It's the name of a town in Nova Scotia.
Is that where you really live?
No, Jean, I live in Key West, but I'm moving next door to you.
Sit, Demon!
And here I am drinkin devil rum.
I kinda like the cat who worked for NASCAR. The cat who got neutered by the demon. That's got to hurt.
Carlot is still pregnant.
Congratulations, Ken. May the puppies all be angels. LOL.
Tell me about it! I live in Lincoln Park!
ARe you talking about demons or snow, Mollie?
Possibly both?
I meant the snow! Cute picture of Spencer, but it is cold here.
I guess only Jay is warm and dry down there in Key West.
All of Florida has had terrible storms, Jean. I'm not sure about Key West, but this has been no picnic. Cut Jay some slack, he may have lost his doghouse.
The Demon is down there in Florida, isn't he?
Thank you for your concern, Kabby, but I am fine. Now tell me, what is that in Spencer's mouth. His wife? Jean? A D E M O N?
That sure doesn't look like a chipmunk.
Haha! I don't know about Jean, but it doesn't look like any demon I've ever seem either. Not that I meet them on a daily basis. HA!
Can't demons take many forms? Why shouldn't one show up as a chew toy?
Or a blueberry?
KEN is still on this blog talking about his dogs? There is your real demon!
Ken? Who is Ken?
Creep! He's on a bunch of blogs.
Is the Sade a deamon too? I try to keep up but don't always have time.
Ken is on a bunch of other blogs? Does he call himself Ken there, too?
Free-range strange, that boy.
Maybe Ken needs to be sent to another dimension?
I think he's already there, Molly.
The Demon Slayer Awaits! Bring 'em on!
I'll pay your airfare to Key West.
Pay mine, Jean. I could use a trip to Florida about now. Any place warm!
Oh, take me along!
Good to know you're standing by, Van Helsing. Who you bet on in the Super Bowl?
So now it's the Colts, the Bears, and the BATS?
Somebody mentioned the Sade. Is she a demon or is she a witch, or what? She has magical powers and a bat tattooed on her chest, but I haven't figured her out.
Isn't she the incarnation of a goddess? Kali would be my guess. What happened to Morey's archive trail? What happened to KKB?
Maybe she is an incarnation of the Goddess Kali, Jay. I thought the Sade was an earth spirit, but she could be a goddess. There would be no glass ceiling in the metaphysical world.
Well put. I think.
The supernatural sucks!
Speaking of demons....Van Helsing may have his work cut out for him.
I like the Sade; she is yet one more incarnation of Dr. Daisy.
I ought to read the blog more often just in order to keep up. Lily certainly leads an exciting life what with spies and demons chasing after her. I think the new dog, Jade, is lovely, but Good Heavens!
Everything happens to Lily! How many pictures does she pose for per month?
Oh, but I am one cold chow-chow. I was a very bad girl this morning, because I got out and ran across the street to the park. I was there long enough for my paws to freeze and when I got home I had to soak them in warm water, and that was almost as bad as getting a bath.
Besides, there was no one over there to play with. Where are all my friends?
I know! They are inside where it's warm. LOL.
I don't live in Lincoln Park, but it's freezing where I am, too. Deuce and Fiver ought to move here. We're getting snow for most of next week, and they would love it.
Don't you just hate it when the weather's bad? Down here in Key West it's in the low 70s and raining cats and dogs. I can't go out and lie on the beach, and it's making me so unhappy. Why, I might have to stay inside, put my feet up, click on the Super Bowl, and turn to drink. Isn't that sad?
You make me want to puke.
Delighted to be of service, Jean.
There won't be a man on this blog all night.
I knew something nice would happen today.
I am still with you.
The bastards have returned, Jean.
And many will be feeling coltish.
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