Sometimes a dog can get lost, but he'll eventually find his way. (Photo by J.M. Hilton) 
posted by LuLu @ 12:21 AM
LuLu's Desperate House Dogs (formerly the Bow Wow Blog)
LuLu's Desperate House Dogs is a blog about an eccentric little Beagle named LuLu, who, along with her sister Sadie (a Whippet/Terrier/Beagle blend), writes the lurid Puppies in Lust series, and absorbs local color in an idyllic, off-the-leash, canine-centered village known as Lincoln Park~
Monday, January 22, 2007
Sometimes a dog can get lost, but he'll eventually find his way. (Photo by J.M. Hilton)
LuLu's Desperate House Dogs (formerly the Bow Wow Blog)
LuLu's Desperate House Dogs is a blog about an eccentric little Beagle named LuLu, who, along with her sister Sadie (a Whippet/Terrier/Beagle blend), writes the lurid Puppies in Lust series, and absorbs local color in an idyllic, off-the-leash, canine-centered village known as Lincoln Park~
About Me
- Name: LuLu
I am a single five-year-old female Beagle, shown here by myself, while my mix-up of a sister sings the praises of mutts on my blog. Well, let her. I have a most intriguing (one might even say lascivious) past, at least according to my autobiography. In a former lifetime I was Queen Elizabeth the Ist of England, and later on (among others) I was Nell Gwynn, Pauline Borghese, Louise Brooks, and eventually just lovable, neurotic, adorable ME. I have a perfectly charming, albeit very annoying, sister named Sadie. She's rarely plagued by conscience, possibly because she's a Sagittarius. To date she has attempted to steal most of my boyfriends, meaning we're quite used to fighting over bones. Sadie and I are the same age, although she's the adopted one. We do have a fair amount of things in common. For example, she was once Mary Queen of Scots, and later on both Barbara Villiers and Marlene Dietrich. Amazingly we get along -- at least when we're before the public~
Previous Posts
- ...and Sammy Chan is about to have his paws full....
- Despite being newly tether-tied to a foxy chipmun...
- Lily gives LuLu her blessing from the LilyMobile,...
- Have Morey and his friends at long last found Uto...
- Monica wows the hounds at Poppa Poochies~ (Carto...
- Meanwhile, Chewy drags Sammy Chan to an interestin...
- "The name's Marco," he said...and that was all. A ...
- A nose is a nose is a nose? Jade Jardine's valuabl...
- Chester Samoyed is charming, accomplished and musi...
- "It's still you, babe!" Rockie and LuLu make a ho...
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93 Comments:
The Eye On The Park...
Dateline Lincoln Park:
Could former international supermodel Lily Hilton be possessed by a demon?
"Absolutely impossible," according to Lady Dixie Simba, her business partner. "If it were true, I'd be on the phone to Art Bell in a greyhound minute."
"Cat whiz!" responded Minnie Schnauzer, Lily's most recent personal assistant. "I've heard her howling in tongues, cursing Dog, and seen her foaming at the mouth. I got so frightened, I phoned the vet to make sure her rabies shot was current."
There have also been rumors about Lily viciously attacking three psychiatrists and a half-dozen priests.
"Nothing more than a misunderstanding," insisted Lady Dixie, but several former COL staff members say it isn't so.
"It started right after her former cratemate, Spencer, married that chipmunk," said onetime aerobics instructor, Jackie Russell. "Lily just didn't seem like herself anymore, and then I noticed that her eyes were glowing in the dark. I've never believed in all that devil stuff before, but you couldn't get me back inside that church for a million bowsers."
Supposedly the situation has become so dire that King Rockie himself decided to intervene. He paid a personal visit to Lily, but left the church ten minutes later, and had no comment for the press.
"Lily howled curses at the king," said an anonymous source, Buddy Anonymous. "Her eyes started to glow and she began to levitate. His Majesty has always liked Lily, but the scene she threw was too much even for him."
"The rumors are true," admitted Jade Jardine, Lily's newly adopted daughter, in a quickie interview at Poppa Poochies bar. "I noticed a change in Mother not long after I prepared a new signature perfume for her. Believe me, I was careful with the ingredients, but after I smelled it on her, I realized that something was wrong."
"Can't you fix the problem?" we asked, while ordering a couple of double gin chain-collar whammers in an effort to fix our own.
"No," she replied, "and she won't stop using the scent. Dixie says she can smell it all over the place, and I can't do a thing about it."
"Why not?"
She hung her head. "Something has happened to my nose," she howled. "I can't SMELL anymore."
While Jade choked back sobs, we watched as four squad cars, followed by a busload of priests, whipped past, heading in the direction of Lily's infamous church.
Developing...
My morning has been terrible! That's why I'm on late. Guess Deuce and Fiver are out having fun!
I predict we won't hear from them until spring!
I may be going back to the Bahamas.
Congratulations. What's going on with Lily being possessed? Is there anything more that can happen to that dog?
She could be kidnapped by aliens, unless she's done that already. I forget! But you are right. She's done everything.
What happened to you this morning, Cathy? Were you kidnapped by aliens?
Nothing that spectacular. My car broke down and it was messy out, and like that. Do aliens carry jumper cables? LOL.
Sure they do! R U really going back to the Bahamas, KKB?
Spencer must live in Rhode Island! That's today's scene. Lily is possessed? I think she was given a radioactive pill and it also effected Jade's nose. They will be cured by the Puppy Angel.
Remember her?
I think she was before my time, and I am hoping to go back to the Bahamas, but not until April.
I wish i could go to the bahamas. Maybe Cal. next week. Boo!
A possessed spaniel? Dear, dear, dear. I can see Jimmy possessed. He sometimes gets a strange look in his eye, but Lily looks crosseyed in your picture.
What happened to J and Yogi and the rest? Everybody go away mad, FELLOWS? What BS. Could they be possessed? LOL.
Hooey, I am here. Where Jay is, who knows? Could he be possessed?
Possessed spaniels? Never!
Carlot's pregnant.
Is Carlot sure its hers?
LOL. I guess u found your way home, Spencer.
Is Lily trying to stretch herself as an actress?
Is she in the Oscar line up?
Instead of Queen, it's Princess?
I hate that picture of Lily.
We r back from our lunch-time ride!
We like Lily's picture! It looks like us going downhill on our sled!
If you're really going back to the bahamas, Kabby, take Yogicantbear with you!
Oh, you are so funny, Jay. A man with a wit about as useful as a wet fart in a thunderstorm.
That makes no sense, Yogi, but it's still funny.
HARDEHARHAR.
My Man!
J and bare got the nasties goin on!
I tried to get on earlier and couldn't. The blog is being bad again.
It was down again last night, too. We are having cold and snowy weather here in Lincoln Park, and maybe that makes a difference. I don't know. We have Yogibare to keep us entertained!
I can bear Yogibare. LOl.
I'm concerned that Lily's possession has also possessed Yogi and Jay.
Their both possessed by a stroller?
I suppose that was poorly phrased.
Excuse me.
I'm glad I don't have a dog in this fight.
Hey, dogs -- how about NO one has a dog in any fight? This blog is already set to automatically delete postings that include certain words and phrases -- note numerous recent deletes -- and I'm ready to put a couple of names up there.
Look, either switch to a political blog, where you can call each other whatever you want, or get together outside a bar and beat the crap out of one another.
But stop using my blog for your snap-and-snarls, or I'm personally going to neuter both of you.
Love and Licks...LuLu~
I'm not feuding with Yogibare. But forgive me, O, LuLu.
The Fascist Dog has barked.
From the files of Attorney General Sammy Chan:
"Exactly two minutes after midnight," I said, glancing at the clock on my desk. "You're right on time."
He dropped a disreputable-looking steak bone onto the floor, flopped down and gave it a gnaw. "I like to be on time. It's become a compulsion with me."
"Hello, Marco."
"Hi, Sam. Sniffed any good tail lately?"
I hopped off my comfortable leather chair and stretched out next to him on the floor. "You tell me. I'm only the local attorney general, you're the shamus."
Marco wagged his tail. "You been hangin' with a good-looking Maltese who goes by the name of Chewy, and I think you've also got your eye on a leggy Great Dane name of Jade Jardine."
"The Jardine matter is entirely professional, Marco."
"Uh-huh. You're too sweet on the bitches, Sam. You're smart as a whip but too sweet on the bitches. Remember Trixie, that German Shepherd in San Francisco?"
I winced. "Oh, yes. I remember Trixie."
"Sometimes your reach exceeds your grasp, Sam."
"I'll keep it in mind, Marco. Meanwhile, what are you doing here?"
He gnawed on the bone for a bit before answering. "Like I barked --I'm at loose leash ends again. I was sniffing cases for the DEA for a while, but after the bomb squad, sniffing for ashes and blow just don't tweak my whiskers."
"I remember how you loved to chase cars alongside the freeway when you were a pup. It had to be the freeway; everything else was boring."
"Yep. I was the bad dog and you were the angel, and I guess it paid off for you. Got a job for me, Sammy?"
I rolled over on my back and stared at the ceiling. For a few minutes I watched as a spider dangled from her web. A precarious position, I thought, but she somehow seemed to manage it.
"I might have something for you, but first I'd like the name of your current employer."
I listened to him as he gnawed on the bone. I was getting nowhere fast.
"Jade Jardine thinks you're tailing her."
"Sam, if I was tailin' her, she wouldn't know about it."
"Then why does she think it?"
"You know me, Sammy. I'm a suspicious-looking dog, and maybe I dropped the word to a couple of mutts that I was interested in the dame. She's a kennel of a looker -- great markings, endless legs. Woof!"
I rolled back over on my stomach. "And if I know you, the reason you'd do that would be tactical obfuscation. My guess is, you're tailing somebody else."
"I'm at loose ends, Sammy, honest. But by the bark, the mammal shadowing your friend Jade is a hot little ferret who goes by the name of Monica."
"I already know that."
His eyes widened. "You did learn a few things from me back in the bad old days, didn't you, Sam?"
I wagged my tail. "You were one of the best professors I ever had, Marco. Maybe THE best. What else have you picked up on the street, aside from bones and pizza crusts?"
"Not much. Obviously you know about Lily Hilton. The lovely celebrity spaniel is supposedly possessed by a demon."
"I've heard about little else of late. We've got reporters arriving in town from all over the world. Traffic's become a nightmare, and the right-wing religious hounds want us to shut down Lily's church."
"Interesting that she's Ms. Jardine's adoptive mother, and Ms. Jardine has lost her sense of smell."
"She has?"
"I got it straight from the lovely LuLu, my recent date." He winked.
I ignored him. "You think there's a possible connection between Lily's 'condition' and Jade's lost sense of smell?"
"Are you giving me a job, Sammy?"
The rest of this interview is classified CONFIDENTIAL.
Your comment works right into the story, Yogi. I thought it was part of the story. You and J need to stop fighting. Lulu is right!
I am still waiting for the real SHAMUS to come back.
Monica's back, Cathy, and she's a bad girl. Take it as it comes.
I like "it's an arfing dilemma" -- like Jay and Yogibare.
No dilema there. Not for me, anyway.
It's probably best left alone.
I'm willing to let Bare alone, Kabby. You are a different story.
Uhhuh.
Bite your tongue, Jean. Please.
Firbawl! What took u so long, Bro?
Where's the dogs in this pack going to? Too much infighting. What's going on?
With problems like these, some dog needs to be banished.
Punkin? What r u barking about? A dog needs to be banished? Why?
Remember The Lottery?
i want to win one!
Can dogs win the lottery? I would love it if Jellie or Jack won three hundred million dollars!
Three hundred million? My gosh! I would be happy to win the cost of a trip to the vet.
Were you talking about the Lottery, the book, Mollie?
Yes, it's a grim story.
So are the results of most lotteries!
Well, usually not that bad. LOL.
You're on late, Kabby.
J, do you have a dog? Cause it might be time for you to spend more time with it.
Poor J has lost out in life's lottery.
The Lottery was about outworn customs and ridiculous traditions, and it ended with a stoning, if I'm on the right page. For now I would rather read about spaniel possession. Hare-raising nonsense?
A stoning? Good way to end the evening, or so my last girl friend told me when she dumped me. U're smokin' with the knowlege, Bare.
Lily, I may be able to help you.
WHO?
Aren't you Dr. Dracula, Van Helsing? Are you also an exorcist?
Dracula? He's about all we need around here!
Dracula is my sworn enemy! I am a good dog who fights for justice and cheese. I am a demon slayer.
do we get them on this blog or what?
Has anyone else noticed that Sir Wellington looks a lot like Robert Mitchum?
You're right, Carole. Mitchum was so sexy. I don't mean I think the dog is, but there is a strong resemblance there.
I think the dog's pretty sexy.
U knocked all the other dogs off the board, Jay!
Marco could be Brad Pitt's twin brother. He could also be Jennifer Aniston's twin brother. He could be MY twin brother! Isn't that amazing?
Feloney is a dead wringer from Fergie.
That wrings my chimes right along with my socks, Kingsley
Kingsly, you talk english good.
Ken is the demon of the blog.
Is Dracula back, or is it safe to sign onto the blog? LOL.
I think I prefer Dracula to Ken.
I am not Dracula!
Uh-ho.
Is this for real or is Van Helsing the blog gnomes?
Just don't lay this one on me.
I HEART Dracula +++
Could we speak off line?
U a Goth, Bare? A Goth dog is what I mean.
Mariposa "hearts" Dracula. Is she bats?
Isn't that his department?
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