Spencer finally returns to Lincoln Park, bringing with him a surprise "guest".....(Photo by J.M. Hilton)
posted by LuLu @ 12:32 AM
LuLu's Desperate House Dogs (formerly the Bow Wow Blog)
LuLu's Desperate House Dogs is a blog about an eccentric little Beagle named LuLu, who, along with her sister Sadie (a Whippet/Terrier/Beagle blend), writes the lurid Puppies in Lust series, and absorbs local color in an idyllic, off-the-leash, canine-centered village known as Lincoln Park~
Thursday, December 14, 2006
Spencer finally returns to Lincoln Park, bringing with him a surprise "guest".....(Photo by J.M. Hilton)
LuLu's Desperate House Dogs (formerly the Bow Wow Blog)
LuLu's Desperate House Dogs is a blog about an eccentric little Beagle named LuLu, who, along with her sister Sadie (a Whippet/Terrier/Beagle blend), writes the lurid Puppies in Lust series, and absorbs local color in an idyllic, off-the-leash, canine-centered village known as Lincoln Park~
About Me
- Name: LuLu
I am a single five-year-old female Beagle, shown here by myself, while my mix-up of a sister sings the praises of mutts on my blog. Well, let her. I have a most intriguing (one might even say lascivious) past, at least according to my autobiography. In a former lifetime I was Queen Elizabeth the Ist of England, and later on (among others) I was Nell Gwynn, Pauline Borghese, Louise Brooks, and eventually just lovable, neurotic, adorable ME. I have a perfectly charming, albeit very annoying, sister named Sadie. She's rarely plagued by conscience, possibly because she's a Sagittarius. To date she has attempted to steal most of my boyfriends, meaning we're quite used to fighting over bones. Sadie and I are the same age, although she's the adopted one. We do have a fair amount of things in common. For example, she was once Mary Queen of Scots, and later on both Barbara Villiers and Marlene Dietrich. Amazingly we get along -- at least when we're before the public~
Previous Posts
- Morey's back on a new night! Catch his column ever...
- Jade Jardine finally gets to meet the family. (Pho...
- Now that she's back from Nepal (via Paris) will li...
- As winter begins in Lincoln Park, Chester Samoyed,...
- Rush and Randhi are also back in Lincoln Park and ...
- And LuLu might be about to find herself stuck betw...
- Moxie is named the "Sexiest Dog Alive" by Mammal M...
- ...and Blue Girl dreams~ (Photo by Lisa Bratton)
- Coming up! Lily's Aunt Lucinda arrives in Lincoln ...
- Morey the Mutt's column makes no sense, meaning it...
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58 Comments:
And there she is, between his jaws!
That is what he gets for groping a girl!
I see jean gets her licks in early.
From the files of Attorney General Sammy Chan:
"We think we may have ourselves a problem, Mr. Chan," said Pete the bull terrier, one tired flatpaw, who had just finished up his nightly rounds.
Pete sat down in front of my desk and began to clean his testicles. Since I'm a highly civilized Pekingese, I'll admit this habit of his put me off when I first took office as Lincoln Park's attorney general. But Pete is a damn good cop, and I'm an Oriental toy pup who has yet to prove himself.
I'm trying to overlook the small stuff.
"What's the growl?" I asked him, wondering if it could be anything aside from the usual: screams, gunshots and explosions over at the Church of Lily (although those have been pretty much under control of late); patrons being attacked by hyena cubs at the Church of Lily (ditto); Oil Can Harry, the alley cat, getting hopped up on bad catnip, and getting into it with a couple of his queens on the prowl; a brawl over at Sam Skunk's Sewer of Slime Bar and Grill.
The usual.
"Some strange traffic on the lake," said Pete, glancing up from his work. "Couple of boats I'm not familiar with. None of the retrievers either. Just thought I'd give you an ears up."
"Pleasure craft or freight haulers?" I asked.
"Freight. About a half-dozen boats in all, in and out of Port Lincoln Park a lot lately."
"Problems with their licenses or registration?"
"Nope. Everything seems real legal and aboveboard. I even know one of the captains -- a French poodle out of Sault Ste Marie. He's done runs down here before, but not for this particular line."
"So what's the problem?"
Pete stretched out on the floor, and gave me a look that was pistol-barrel straight. "You ever get a hunch, Mr. Chan?"
I took off my reading glasses and rubbed my eyes. Weak eyes run in my breed, and I spend half my time reading documents that are filled with fine print.
"I get hunches, Pete, but the law doesn't work on hunches."
"Ha!"
"OK," I said, "so tell me about this hunch of yours."
"For starters, these boats are supposed to be carrying general produce."
"Aren't they?"
"They all seem to be carrying fish."
"That's not illegal, Pete," I said.
"Maybe not, but what are all these boats carrying fish suddenly doing showing up in Port Lincoln Park?"
"A new sushi restaurant open up?"
"Not that I know of," he said. "Anyway, there's not an Akita or a Chin on any of those boats, and the only language, aside from French or English, that I've heard any crew dogs bark is Russian."
(NB: Keep File Open and Current)
I would like to see a few more of these clowns leave town.
I would like to leave town! It could be fun. We r having people and dogs and cats in. I have to share my space with cats. (boohoo!)
You hot, Stacy? You wanna go to the Bahamas?
Jean will bite you for that, Yog.
Do u think she's had her rabies shot?
Yeh, but not her distemper.
It's a pretty day in Lincoln Park. Nobody's home.
I am stuck inside with the flu, which I hope I will be over by Christmas. Since I have six dozen cookies promised for an auction, I can't help but feel I might have wished this upon myself.
May you feel better soon, Margaret.
My dogs eat grass when they're sick. I prefer honey and warm milk.
I like to curl up and sleep. Undisturbed!
Me, too.
You didn't go to the Bahamas after all?
To look for a "dog" named KKB? I would have to be looped.
Merry Christmas, Lulu, and keep your nose clean.
Not an easy trick for a dog, Punkin.
Where are you, Punkin? R U still sailing the seven seas? Aren't there eight now? Oh well. Merry Christmas!
The stores around here are so crowded. I have been up since 6 a.m. but I don't have my shopping done.
Don't buy for every person you know, Cathy. Limit your list!
Don't give nobody nothin!
Words to live by!
This blog is about as exciting tonight as my social life.
It is kind of flat.
The Eye On The Park...
Dateline Lincoln Park:
MAJOR NEWS RELEASE!!
The Eye has just learned that Lily Hilton's eccentric (and then some) Aunt Lucinda plans to open a boot camp for puppies on the shores of Lincoln Park Lake, directly behind the now infamous "church" owned and operated by her internationally famous niece.
"What prompted your decision?" we asked the sweet-faced senior spaniel, as she lovingly polished a Browning 13-shot military handgun before moving on to a mean-looking "Baby Glock."
"Discipline!" she barked. "Young pups need discipline! Most of the puppy classes offered today stress 'gentle' training. HA! You're not going to get a puppy who can hold off an entire pack of wild dingoes with that kind of soppy philosophy."
(A tiny cavapoo cast a nervous glance in our direction, before dashing off as if his life depended upon it.)
"It says in the ad you sent out that you're calling the place the 'Genghis Khan Puppy Boot Camp and Boudicca School of Martial Arts.' Any takers so far?"
She paused for a moment to whip out a Swiss Army knife and remove a splinter from her right paw. "Hope the sight of a little blood won't unnerve you?"
"Not at all," we whimpered.
"As for your question -- my, yes! A surprising number of Labs and Goldens have been entered. Their owners complain that they're too damn nice. Instead of licking a potential intruder, they want the pups trained to take him out."
"By 'take him out,' you mean...?"
She wagged her tail and nodded. "Mincemeat."
"But aren't there already some pretty tough dogs out there -- dogs who have been bred to, uh..."
"Kill?" She removed a stiletto from her apron pocket and sent it flying toward a target attached to a nearby tree. "Bull's eye!"
"Wow." We were genuinely impressed and peed all over ourselves to prove it.
"Poor breeding doesn't make for a tough, disciplined pack of potential mercenaries," declared Aunt Lucinda, and she began to polish the Glock again.
"Mercenaries?"
"Why, yes. A veritable army of highly trained and exquisitely disciplined canine soldiers -- all ready to charge into battle anywhere -- and be victorious."
She aimed the Glock in our direction. We ducked, as did the mallards behind us.
"A lot of people want to enroll their kids along with their dogs," she went on, "but I'm not interested in a bunch of human runts. Besides, most standard poodles, German shepherds, and border collies can wipe 'em out in the IQ department."
"What about faculty?" we asked, while hoping for divine intervention, and we're not talking about the flash game. "Have you hired anybody special?"
She set down the gun and picked up an ax. "Two excellent instructors," she said, tossing the weapon and taking out a sapling. "Ah, here they are now after a fifteen-mile hike around the lake with the hyena cubs."
"RUSH AND RANDHI?"
"That's us, Kemosabe," replied the two coyotes in unison.
"You can't beat this pair for out-and-out treachery," complimented Aunt Lucinda with a tail-wag and a smile.
"Team Hyena will one day," barked the two cubs as one, their eyes alight with a spark that looked ready to detonate something.
"Sit," commanded Aunt Lucinda in a bark barely above a whisper.
"Sir! Yes, sir!" And the two complied immediately.
"Give me a litter of pups," said Aunt Lucinda, "and I will show you a pack of dogs."
And she went off to fetch her ax.
Developing...but can't we at least get body armor first?
What a great picture of Lulu! Take that, Rockie!
Our human companion sprained his back, so we are stuck inside. We like the idea of body armor, Eye.
Cold today. I wish I was in the Bahamas with KKB!
Oh, I hope your owner/person isn't in too much pain, Deuce&Fiver. Please get well in time for Christmas.
Was this a winter related accident, Fiver? Does he plan to sue?
Some one here is a lawyer. (giggle)
Lulu's a hot looking beagle. JAV, you on it?
King Rocky is bigger than I am.
LOL. Good reply.
This sucks!
Not u again!
We do not plan to sue anyone.
Can u teel us what happened?
Cathy, their owner might be suffering some pain. Sorry about the accident, Deuce and Fiver.
What happened?
It was a bad spill, and an accident. Thank you, everyone, for your concern. Our good news is that our "boss" won't have to have surgery.
You have enjoyed an eventful life since moving to Minnesota, Deuce&Fiver.
Yeh, your house burned down and your owner's in traction.
Nothing is ever perfect, is it?
Isn't Lincoln Park supposed to be perfect?
Just my op, but if I was Fiver&Deuce, I would get my tails back to Michigan.
Bump runner rumps all the way!
The Eye On The Park
Dateline Lincoln Park...
The Eye learned a short time after we rolled out of our pen this morning that an exotic new restaurant will soon be opening its pet doors in Lincoln Park.
"Chester's Gulag" is currently under construction on the north side of the lake, catawampus to the Church of Lily and the mean-looking bunker being erected directly behind it.
"This area doesn't have a good Siberian-style pet restaurant," pointed out owner/manager Chester Samoyed. "Let us say that I saw a need and I filled it."
"What sort of food will be served?" we wanted to know.
"A lot of fish," Mr. Samoyed told us. "We're right on a lake, and as they say in Konzas -- 'the eatin'...she's good.'"
"Konzas?"
"Isn't that the name of one of your downed-homes states?"
"You must mean KANSAS, and you're not in Konzas anymore," we joked.
Mr. Samoyed never so much as wagged his tail.
"Will there be entertainment?" we asked, and Mr. Samoyed finally did wag his tail.
"I will be playing mournfu Russian love ballads on my balalaika," he told us. "LuLu the Beagle is learning to bark in Russian in order to accompany me."
"LuLu? You don't mean our LuLu? LuLu our PUBLISHER?"
"Why, yes," he said. "I very much do."
Since self-preservation is a biggie with us, we tactfully and swiftly changed the subject.
"How did you happen to settle in Lincoln Park?" we asked the handsome Russian with a coat as pristine as a snowstorm on the Steppes.
"It's a nice area," he replied. "Wonderful weather, well situated, and you have a lot of fish in your lake."
"A lot of feral cats, too. In fact, scores of them of late," we couldn't help but notice.
"Not to worry," said Mr. Samoyed. "Cats are welcome, and they are not on the menu."
He allowed himself a hearty Russian laugh.
"When are you expected to open for business?" we wanted to know.
"I think in a week or so. They build things fast in your country. That bunker, for example..."
"Ah, we'd rather not talk about the bunker," we scrupled.
He seemed surprised. "Why not?"
"Frankly, we think it looks ridiculous next to Lily's lovely faux Grecian temple," we opined.
"But the bunker will perhaps have more permanence," Mr. Samoyed observed.
Unfortunately, that's sort of what we were thinking, too.
Thong harnesses and leather straps in their dog carriers!
Lets let Deuce & Fiver do what they want to do. I hope their person feels better and it's not my placve to say any thing else.
This is no time to be laid up. Get well, D&F.
I want a thong harness.
Does he mean a thong luv harness? Santa Claus sounds like a dirty old man.
I'm a chow-chow and do not want a thong LUV harness.
You don't? I am very surprised Jean does.
But you are into thong harnesses?
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