Gone for good? Shamus O'Possum is presumed dead following an accident in the Andes. (Cartoon by A.G. Oscard) Story under "comments"~
posted by LuLu @ 12:25 AM
LuLu's Desperate House Dogs (formerly the Bow Wow Blog)
LuLu's Desperate House Dogs is a blog about an eccentric little Beagle named LuLu, who, along with her sister Sadie (a Whippet/Terrier/Beagle blend), writes the lurid Puppies in Lust series, and absorbs local color in an idyllic, off-the-leash, canine-centered village known as Lincoln Park~
Sunday, June 11, 2006
Gone for good? Shamus O'Possum is presumed dead following an accident in the Andes. (Cartoon by A.G. Oscard) Story under "comments"~
LuLu's Desperate House Dogs (formerly the Bow Wow Blog)
LuLu's Desperate House Dogs is a blog about an eccentric little Beagle named LuLu, who, along with her sister Sadie (a Whippet/Terrier/Beagle blend), writes the lurid Puppies in Lust series, and absorbs local color in an idyllic, off-the-leash, canine-centered village known as Lincoln Park~
About Me
- Name: LuLu
I am a single five-year-old female Beagle, shown here by myself, while my mix-up of a sister sings the praises of mutts on my blog. Well, let her. I have a most intriguing (one might even say lascivious) past, at least according to my autobiography. In a former lifetime I was Queen Elizabeth the Ist of England, and later on (among others) I was Nell Gwynn, Pauline Borghese, Louise Brooks, and eventually just lovable, neurotic, adorable ME. I have a perfectly charming, albeit very annoying, sister named Sadie. She's rarely plagued by conscience, possibly because she's a Sagittarius. To date she has attempted to steal most of my boyfriends, meaning we're quite used to fighting over bones. Sadie and I are the same age, although she's the adopted one. We do have a fair amount of things in common. For example, she was once Mary Queen of Scots, and later on both Barbara Villiers and Marlene Dietrich. Amazingly we get along -- at least when we're before the public~
Previous Posts
- "Hi, I'm Logan, and I'm in town looking for my bro...
- Monica Ferret, Esquire, with her new Angelina Joli...
- The Story thus far...
- Morey the mutt hopes to save his master from a lif...
- Moxie's girl? Blue-eyed Sydney appears to have sna...
- A new kid arrives in town....but whose kid is he? ...
- Cavapoo puppy Moxie confides in LuLu: "All I know ...
- Bogota or bust? Bumbles and the boys follow Chico ...
- Author Shamus O'Possum also leaves the country, on...
- The Story thus far...
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45 Comments:
The Eye On The Park:
Please look for the story about the tragic demise of Shamus O'Possum in our next "comments" section...meaning the one down a couple of spaces.
Oh, go on! You can do it~
I love the way the Google ads are keeping up with your stories.
Maybe they're reading our stuff?
Shamus is dead? Fo' sure, this time?
The Eye On The Park:
Lester Lemming of Rodent House Books announced this morning that his company has entered into negotiations with Diz Temper Productions regarding a movie version of the late Shamus O'Possum's highly fictionalized autobiography, "From the Leaf Pile."
"The book was a total flop," admitted Mr. Lemming. "In fact, it was so bad I was ready to jump off a cliff for ever agreeing to publish the damn thing."
"So why go for a movie?" TEOTP sensibly asked him.
"For one thing, Shamus is dead," Mr. Lemming replied with the wooden emotion of Tom Hanks in 'The Da Vinci Code.' "And dead sells these days."
"Think about it. The guy fell out of a plane while on his way to rescue his latest manuscript."
"We'd rather not think about it," we replied.
"Of course," he went on, "in the movie version he'll probably run off to Colombia to rescue somebody like Cate Blanchette dressed as a possum...or maybe she can dress up like a dog and play his former fiancee."
"Shamus didn't mention the Asp in 'From the Leaf Pile,'" we pointed out.
"That's true," he agreed, "but he did mention the avaricious but titillating little bitch in his new book, 'From the Dog Pile.'"
"But that's the manuscript he ran off to Colombia to get his paws on," we told him, nearly aghast. "That's the book Chico the Chihuahua stole from him."
Mr. Lemming blinked his tiny eyes and twitched his nose regrettably. "Ah, as to that...it would appear our poor Shamus made a serious mistake."
Uh-ho.
"The manuscript was in Chico's desk right here in Lincoln Park all the while," said Mr. Lemming with a smile as tight as a well-turned screw.
"It is now the property of Mr. Archibald Tabbycatt, the owner and CEO of Diz Temper Productions, and Rodent House claims the rights to 'From the Leaf Pile.'"
SAY WHAT?!
Meanwhile, Aero Snail Mail announced today that the search for the late author's body has been called off.
"Hopefully," said Mr. Lemming, "Shamus will be able to win some sort of posthumous fame."
"You're one tough Lemming, sir," we conceded.
"Obviously you've never dealt with Doubleday," he told us.
(Developing....)
Whenever I have a bad day I will think about Shamus. Get well soon, Lulu.
Very glad to hear Lulu's doing better.
Shamus dead eh? Well, I won't say anything about my going to South America for alternative medical treatments for myself or the fact that I ran into Shamus and being that I'm not afraid of 'pposums... well who knows what might have happened to Shamus. :)
Sydney,
I enjoyed seeing you in the park, too. You have the most beautiful blue eyes! I envy you.
It's unlikely I will be in the park tonight. I had to see the vet again today, get another shot for my allergies, and then my guardian gave me a BATH in some sort of really stinky shampoo the minute she got me home.
I now smell like bubble gum, and frankly, I'm embarrassed. Before I smelled like primo goose poop and wet grass. What on earth can humans be thinking? My skin does feel better, though.
As for Cody, he is cute, isn't he?
If it weren't for Rockie.....well, that's another story.
Tail wags and licks~
Nestle,
So maybe Shamus isn't dead?
Only the Shadow knows....I guess~
And thanks, Fiver. I feel much better, thank you.
I don't know!
Shamus will resurf!
The Eye On The Park:
TEOTP has learned that Spencer the spaniel, the former summer king of Lincoln Park, may have won a small part in the unconventional film bio, "I'm Not There," which tells the story of singer Bob Dylan's life.
The film, to be released in 2007, will star Cate Blanchette and 'Brokeback Mountain' actors Heath Ledger and Michelle Williams, among others.
"Each actor will represent a different aspect of Mr. Dylan's gestalt as he troubadoured his way through life," said a spokescanine for Gwendolyn Monk, Spencer's high-powered Hollywood agent.
Spencer, who recently changed his name to Waggs LaMarr, will play the role of Mr. Dylan's appendix during his early years in Greenwich Village.
"Anything else out there on the horizon for our uncrowned onetime monarch?" we wanted to know.
"The role of Karen in the canine remake of 'From Here to Eternity' is looking pretty shaky," the SC for GM told us. "Waggs has bedroom eyes, and much better hair than Deborah Cur had in the original movie, but we understand s/he isn't partial to getting wet."
Oh, right, and FHTE was all about
doing it on the beach in the water. Not a good move for a recovering stingray herder. Not good at all.
"But Ms. Monk has several propostions on the table for Ms. LaMarr as we speak," the chirpy SC went on. "She's trying to wrangle a part for Ms. M. in the upcoming 'Chasing Cars' or on one of the doggy new TV shows coming out this fall."
"That's it?" TEOTP asked. "Like, Ms. LaMarr has to pay her rent, and that's outta sight in LA."
"Well, I shouldn't tell you this," said the chummy SC, as we automatically reached for our wallet, "but there's supposed to be this new script in the works. Have you ever heard of 'From the Leaf Pile'... or of a company called Diz Temper Productions?"
(We're on it. Or to tell it like Dylan....We are there!)
I wonder where Ken is tonight?
Spencer had a sex change? This blog is rockin!
Spencer is a trans. He didn't have a sex change. Any how, the whole thing is a joke.
I say the blog has something for everybody -- werewolves, transvestites, cross-dressers, Yale Law School graduates. What's not to love?
You forgot about Lily the model and the Jolie ferret and the cats with those cat heirs. It is in fun and I enjoy Lulu's crazy blog.
Spence is my man, or he was.
The Eye On The Park:
TEOTP has learned that LuLu the world's most beautiful beagle, consort of King Rockie, author of a well-received book series, and hostess of this blog -- which means she's our boss, left the office of Prince Regent Paco de Shepherd early this morning in a huff. (Actually, it was in a limousine, but she was pretty mad.)
In a gracious cellphone interview moments later, LuLu admitted, "I've simply reached the end of my tether. Prince Paco and I can't agree about anything, I'm pining for my beloved Rockie, and I'm taking cortisone shots for a skin condition caused by nerves and something dead that I recently rolled in.
"I have removed my haunches from the seat of power, and just so you'll know, you're not getting a raise."
Well, thanks a bunch, droopy ears!
"So what's next for you, LuLu," we asked the notorious author of the lascivious "Puppies In Lust" series.
"I'm hoping to enjoy a brief rest chasing chipmunks and rabbits, then I plan to start work on another book," she informed us with bare civility.
Oh, goody. "And what's this one about?" we asked her. "Is it a political diatribe so wild and impassioned, it will make Ann Coulter swallow her Adam's apple?"
"It's about puppies in lust, you dull-witted moron," she barked. "You remember, the best-selling series that helps to pay your miserable salary? Hello?"
"Sorry, boss."
"You should be," she admonished. "Anyway, I'm flying to Prague next week."
TO PRAGUE?
"Why Prague?" we asked, not that we really care, but we sure hope she signs a few checks before she leaves.
"Lots of nice parks," she replied meditatively, "and the Czechs absolutely love dogs."
"So for that you're flying across an ocean?"
"For that," she said, "and for Arnost."
"Arnost?"
"A Cesky terrier who's been my pen pal for the past two months."
"But what about Rockie?" we asked, appalled.
"He never writes at all," she said with a sad note of finality in her voice, "and I am a young and lusty bitch with young and lusty needs."
"Say, this wouldn't have anything to do with the fact that Dixie Cavalier is flying home from London tomorrow, would it?" we cleverly surmised.
"I mean, everybody knows that you and the Asp get along almost as well as Stella McCartney and her strawberry-licking step-mom."
"Ridiculous," insisted LuLu, "and there's static on my cell."
In other words, yes.
(Developing...)
I wonder what happened to Ken?
How many blogs are you on, Yogibear?
Told ya!
You believe that Ken is Yogibare, LaJohnna?
Is there any possible way we can move past Ken, or does he now have his own cult following?
Kens a wart!
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The Eye On The Park:
Well, well. LuLu is getting ready to take off for Prague and Dixie Cavalier is back in town, looking fluffy and rested and somewhat relieved. After all, now she won't have to worry about that pesky trial for attempted murder, since former flame Shamus O'Possum managed to fall to his death from a plane...without her help.
"How does it feel to be back home in Lincoln Park?" we asked the Asp in a snappy morning phone interview.
"I miss the more cultivated environs of London," she doggy sneered, no doubt with her dewclaw pointed straight up while she clutched at a teacup.
"Come on, honey, you weren't in the UK that long, and you had to flee to Springfield to escape prosecution. So don't go all Duchess Camilla on us, puppy cakes."
"it is nice to be home, of course," the noblesse-oblige bitch testily admitted. "And Mondo and I are tying tethers."
"You AND Dacia the schnauzer," we said. "Evidently June IS the month for brides."
There followed a long and very pregnant pause.
"Dacia is getting leash-locked?" yelped the Asp. "WHEN?"
"We believe it's sometime around the end of the month," we told her, switching to the speaker phone, so everybody in the office could hear our confidential conversation.
"Well, we'll just see about that, won't we?" snarled the Asp, and clicked off her cell.
Oh, dear. You know, it does so break our hearts when problems perk in paradise.
(Gleefully developing...)
In related park news:
Jessica, our sex-in-the-city booze-hound of a reporter, discovered Monica Ferret, Esquire, Dacia the schnauzer's legal assistant, slumped in a back booth at Poppa Poochie's Singles Saloon and Zanies Bar earlier this evening.
"I'm going through a bad time," Monica mumbled, as Jessica lunged into the booth, notebook in paw.
Monica, who was on her fifth Gin Whopper, moaned about Dacia's upcoming leash-locking, and slipped under the table when word of the Asp's impending nuptials came up.
"I can't find a mate to save my whiskers," sniffed Monica, as Jessica tossed her up off the floor. "I've gone out with a snake and a couple of skunks. Now my aunt is trying to pair me up with my awful cousin Furlow."
"What's so awful about him?" asked Jessica, whose frenzied Frisbee-catching youth has left her game for just about anything.
"For starters, he has bad breath and looks like Billie Joe Armstrong."
Jessica whipped out a pen. "Can you remember his email?"
At 2 a.m., Cody the Akita, who is part owner of Poppa Poochie's, and Jessica helped a certain woozy ferret into a cab.
"Listen, kid," Cody told Monica, "if I see you in my place again, I'm going to have to eat you. You need to get into a twelve-footprint program and maybe start your life over somewhere else."
"But where can I go?" asked Monica. "I've always lived in Lincoln Park."
"Go west, young ferret," barked Jessica, who was pretty trounced herself, but it was a slow night and Cody was willing.
"Actually, we're going east," said the corgi cabbie. "This is a one-way street, lady."
(Developing..but probably only on a slow news day....)
You stay up kind of late, Eye, but Lulu doesn't have to go clear over to Prague for a date. Michigan's closer!
Go to Prague, Lu! I would love to go there. The most exciting place I've been is the Bahamas.
The most exciting place I've ever been is Grand Junction, Colorado.
I haven't been to the most exciting place I've ever been to yet...which is another reason I want to go to Prague~
Is that you Ken?
No.
The Eye On The Park:
TEOTP learned today that socialite Miss Gracie the shih-tzu, better known as the Paris Hilton of Lincoln Park, has FINALLY decided to get leash-locked for the very first time -- to Maltese playboy Buddy Pepper.
Miss Gracie, who has been engaged more than a dozen times in the past two years alone, claims as recent conquests: King Rockie the Lab, Prince Regent Paco de Shepherd, and bad boy Tanner the leash-puller.
Mr. Pepper, who says he was once engaged to Paris Hilton's dog Tinkerbell, also admits to a brief fling with one of Bo Derek's greyhounds, and a short but sweet leash-locking with an unknown Neopolitan mastiff named Sophia.
"Buddy and I have so much in common," Miss Gracie gushed from her favorite park bench this afternoon. We even enjoy the same dog chow."
So the tether-tying ought to last forever...at least in dog years?
"I seriously doubt that," MG said with a laugh, "which is why we both signed chain-collar tight prenups. But it's time for me to settle down and have a starter leash-locking. Besides, you wouldn't believe what Buddy can do in our new Tutti Frutti dog bed from Pampered Puppy."
And she lowered her bark to a whisper.
"We can't print that on the blog, Gracie," we told her.
"Oh," she said, pouting puppishly.
The leash-locking is expected to take place around the end of the month.
Hmmm. Let's see. Miss Gracie is getting leash-locked to Buddy Pepper, Dacia the schnauzer's doing the same with Handsome Dan, and the Asp is tying the tether with General (Lord) Mondo Simba -- all roughly around the end of the month.
"I always wondered," said our features editor, Gretchen the dachshund, "how the world would end."
(Developing...but with a highly cohesive exit strategy...)
I am heaving a sigh of great frustration because the Asp is getting married. No fair, Lulu!
Don't let Monica become a drunk. She is my favorite character and nearly a role model.
Role model? Cathy, Monica is an ambulance-chasing ferret. It's gotta be the lips, right?
Oh but Monica reminds me of Carrie Bradshaw in Sex and the city. Young girls identify with her.
Maybe we need to change it from LuLu's Desperate House Dogs to Sex in the Dog Park?
Or to Kens blof.
The Eye On The Park:
(Just so you'll know...that is NOT Spencer's son on the front page of our blog. That is cute puppy Mox posing with Spencer....but what the hey? You're going to write in and ask us about it anyway. We know you are!)
Moving right along....
TEOTP has learned that Dixie Cavalier lost no time getting hold of ex-fiance Shamus O'Possum's insurance agent -- like the minute she got back in town. She wanted to know whose name was listed as beneficiary on his one-hundred thousand dollar life insurance policy in the worst way -- but the Asp was in for a nasty surprise.
Instead of naming her, Shamus had inked in the name of none other than Monica Ferret, Esquire.
"I'm happy for Monica," the Asp lied through her clenched canines. (She even managed to wag her tail once or twice.) "I was hoping to use the money to pay for Mondo's and my tether-tying later this month, but I guess we'll just have to cut back on catering expenses. Sorry, Martha."
Meanwhile, Binky the squirrel gave vent to his real emotions.
"Shamus made the ferret with the rubber lips his beneficiary?" shrieked Mr. O'Possum's former landlord while out on a limb. "The bum died owing me more than a year in back rent! What was that mush-brained marsupial thinking? I hope his carcass rots in hell! And you can quote me."
(We always planned to, Binky, but the next time you throw a hissy fit, don't pelt us with walnut shells, or we may get nasty and unleash our real emotions.)
Although still suffering from one mind-bender of a hangover, Ms. Ferret was calm and reasonably alert when she explained the situation to us in one of her typically curt phone interviews.
"A while ago I did some work for Shamus," she said. "He was broke, as usual, but he told me if I'd help him out, he'd make me his beneficiary. I never thought another thing about it. His death was just a lucky break for me...or rather, collecting on the policy was," she added, belching softly.
Ms. Ferret said she hopes to invest most of the money, but also plans to set some aside for a long, long trip out west.
"I think a change of scene might be good for me right now," she told us, as we listened to the sound of ice melting in the glass she was holding too close to the phone.
Uhmmm...Happy trails, Monica.
In Other park news:
Pretty Syndey, the blue-eyed Australian shepherd who's best known as Moxie's girl, was heard telling a friend in the park that she hoped to get engaged and leash-locked sometime in the near future.
Hold on a minute, Sydney! How old are you? This isn't Colorado, honey, so settle down and at least give yourself time to be a chew-toy girl or a flower bearer once or twice BEFORE you're a bride.
Don't wait too long, of course.
Don't wait until you're four or five years old and have a crummy job that doesn't even offer veterinary care.
Hmmm. On second thought, go for it, Syndey. Your looks won't last forever, sweetie, and there's nothing more deadly than those long walks home through the park alone.
(Developing...over another one of LuLu's novels and a bowl of Jim Beam.)
Wish Shamus had named TEOTP his beneficiary....the miserable bum...
Miss Gracie is getting married? What happened to her rule of self?
Is Hooey trying to b the knew Ken?
Punkin, all females have a right to change their minds, no?
As for Ken -- I've given up. Let's just call him our mascot and forget about it~
An awesome father's day picture!
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