Suzy Wong Chan arrives in Lincoln Park in time to celebrate the Chinese New Year -- the Year of the Pig..." (Photo by J.M. Hilton) 
posted by LuLu @ 10:36 PM
LuLu's Desperate House Dogs (formerly the Bow Wow Blog)
LuLu's Desperate House Dogs is a blog about an eccentric little Beagle named LuLu, who, along with her sister Sadie (a Whippet/Terrier/Beagle blend), writes the lurid Puppies in Lust series, and absorbs local color in an idyllic, off-the-leash, canine-centered village known as Lincoln Park~
Sunday, February 18, 2007
Suzy Wong Chan arrives in Lincoln Park in time to celebrate the Chinese New Year -- the Year of the Pig..." (Photo by J.M. Hilton)
LuLu's Desperate House Dogs (formerly the Bow Wow Blog)
LuLu's Desperate House Dogs is a blog about an eccentric little Beagle named LuLu, who, along with her sister Sadie (a Whippet/Terrier/Beagle blend), writes the lurid Puppies in Lust series, and absorbs local color in an idyllic, off-the-leash, canine-centered village known as Lincoln Park~
About Me
- Name: LuLu
I am a single five-year-old female Beagle, shown here by myself, while my mix-up of a sister sings the praises of mutts on my blog. Well, let her. I have a most intriguing (one might even say lascivious) past, at least according to my autobiography. In a former lifetime I was Queen Elizabeth the Ist of England, and later on (among others) I was Nell Gwynn, Pauline Borghese, Louise Brooks, and eventually just lovable, neurotic, adorable ME. I have a perfectly charming, albeit very annoying, sister named Sadie. She's rarely plagued by conscience, possibly because she's a Sagittarius. To date she has attempted to steal most of my boyfriends, meaning we're quite used to fighting over bones. Sadie and I are the same age, although she's the adopted one. We do have a fair amount of things in common. For example, she was once Mary Queen of Scots, and later on both Barbara Villiers and Marlene Dietrich. Amazingly we get along -- at least when we're before the public~
Previous Posts
- ...and friend Itza Hogg says -- "Just consider me...
- Sammy Chan's grandmother adds some unwelcome stre...
- Pretty blue-eyed Sydney arrives in town to help h...
- ...but will Senator Paco be joining her? (Photo b...
- Exorcised, bathed, and groomed -- what more does ...
- LuLu also wonders who's going to hold her paw. (P...
- Tonight! Morey and his friends continue to enjoy ...
- Nagging questions about Gwendolyn continue to pla...
- Meanwhile, Marco gets into the act. (Photo by J.M...
- While a homesick Moxie must suffer the sting of r...
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Dateline Lincoln Park:
Local mammals are still talking about the HOT, HOT, HOT Valentine's Day gala at Chester's Gulag, the new ultra-gourmet "fish place," owned and managed by romantic Russian balalaika buff, Chester Samoyed.
On paw were four-footed celebrities galore, including: UN General Canine Council honcho (or is it honcha?), Dacia the schnauzer, along with her entourage, which filled up one entire "dungeon" room; former Hollywood uber agent, Gwendolyn Monk, sans her handsome mate, Spencer Hilton (problems in the paradisiac burrow, sweetums?); Lily Hilton, escorted by her soon-to-be-adopted son, Digby the demon, and her adopted daughter, Jade Jardine; Lily's Aunt Lucinda, escorted by coyotes Rush and Randhi (who don't look to bad cleaned up -- kind of Kenny Chesney but with less hair); Lady Dixie Simba (AKA the Asp), escorted by (gasp!) her own husband, General (Lord) Mondo Simba, who has just returned from combat in some small, unimportant country; Lincoln Park Attorney General, Sammy Chan, and his girlfriend, Chewy Maltese; our beloved publisher, LuLu the beagle, escorted by a scruffy mutt whose name we didn't quite get -- and last but hardly least, His Majesty King Rockie I, who brought Sydney the Aussie shepherd to the party to hear her cousin, Young Blue Eyes, croon the night away.
If we missed anybody important, you know who you are; if you don't, you aren't.
Duly noted: Dacia the schnauzer was really putting on the dog (as usual) in an Emma Rose 'Blue Moon Goddess' dress from her favorite store, the Gilded Paw; and Sydney, the soon-to-be mate of Senator Paco, showed up in a 'Bada Bone' tank from the very "in" Lush Puppy of Las Vegas.
Story continued below...
Story continued:
"Where is Senator Paco?" we asked Sydney, who struck us as rather nervous, since she spent part of the evening gnawing on her dewclaw.
"He tried to make it," she barked. "He really did. (Uh-ho.)
"But work interfered?"
"Yes."
Right, and Ralph Fiennes is about to become a monk.
Host Chester Samoyed looked a tad tense himself. "I am disappointed that the senator couldn't be here," he told us. "I had rather hoped to have him as the guest of honor, but the best laid plans of voles and cats..." He shrugged.
"Will Young Blue Eyes be a regular at your restaurant from now on, anyway?" we inquired.
"I don't know. Tonight was...is...special."
"But he can really bark Buble and Sinatra," we pointed out. "Just listen to that audience howl."
"Excuse me," he said, picking up his balalakia and dog-trotting it into the kitchen. Hmmmm.
"Sammy, who is that at the door?" asked Chewy, who finally knocked off trying to flirt with Young Blue Eyes long enough to spare a moment for the dog what brung her. (Hey, Chewy! Remember the old line about the bird between the jaws?)
"Oh, Holy Dog Star!" arfed Sammy Chan. "It's my grandmother and one of her friends."
"Why is your granny in a stroller?" she asked him. "Is she sick or something?"
"The last dowager empress of China used to travel in a similar conveyance," he told her. "No, she's not sick."
"Well, she looks cute for an old dog, Sam, but that friend of hers is a real pig!"
At which point this reporter was beamed on the stop (AKA right between the eyes) by an off-balanced tray carried by an unbalanced min-pin waiter, and missed the rest of a really good evening.
Why do you think we're getting our Valentine's Day story out so late?
And would you believe somebody tried to steal my notes while I was recovering at the veterinary clinic?
I ought to contact the ASPCA!
Typos: 1? We typed 'to' instead of 'too' -- and we're achingly sorry. Please add your arfs and we will forward them to our legally blind proofreader...or send Bruno the hybrid over to gnaw on your computer keys~
Your pig looks exactly like a dog we know! The dog's name is Bacon.
Awwwww. The piggie is almost as cute as Shamus. WHERE IS HE?
We need to give up on Shamus, Cathy. Well, for now. Monica's back, kind of, and Wendy the Chipmunk. There are so many characters.
This is true, Molly, but so far I have been able to keep them straight. What do you think happened to "Carbolana" the flamingo from Chile?
I don't know, KKB, but I'm worried about a pig named Bacon.
I thought Deuce and Fiver said Bacon was a dog.
U r right, KKB. I got confused.
Itza Hogg looks like my chewie toy. Its name is Blarney!
Isn't that Lily's stroller?
Why, yes, Karen, I do believe it is Lily's stroller. I wonder what might have happened to Lily?
Karen,
That is not Lily's stroller. If you will look closely, you will see that it's a slightly different color than Lily's stroller -- and Lily is FINE. Jay is yanking your leash, Karen.
Lily sends her love.
That's nasty, Jay. Karen lives for Lily!
Yeah, J. What kind of swampdick are you?
Swampdick?
Swampdick?
I kind of like it. I've never been called a swamp dick before. Could it be a compliment?
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Come on! Suck is OK, but F isn't?
FSUCK!
Could we like raise the tone of this discussion? I believe a demon has struck the blog.
U r right, Seeweek. Everybody is sure uncivil!
Well, I am deeeeelighted. We're getting a thaw in Lincoln Park!
I guess you don't live anywhere close to Mt. Hood.
Wuv Itza (~)
There's a lot there to wuv, Polly.
Mount Hood? No. Miles and miles away from there. Whole different part of the country.
Are you talking about those dumb climbers? They owe their lives to their dog.
It would appear that the dog is man's best friend...but who is the dog's best friend?
I'm guessing it's not the squirrel.
The squirrel might be a better friend then those dumb mountain climbers!
Maybe it's the pig.
You're moving in the right direction, Bare.
Oh, go chase cars, Jean. You probably do anyway.
People on the bodg are getting mean.
What would you expect?
Thank you, blessed one.
I don't like mean!
Neither do I!
It's really only one or two people.
I don'twant to call them dogs and insult dogs. LOL.
i am in training to be a guard dog. Maybe i could guard the blog.
You are in training to be a guard dog, Stacy? But you're so sweet! Can't you just be a watch dog?
But I'm a german shepherd.
I agree with KKB. You are too nice to be a guarddog.
I want to be a guard dog!!!!!!!
I want to be a lap dog. Can it be Kabby's lap?
No.
What do you think she really means?
Given time, she will weaken.
Don't look now, J, but the Saxons said the same thing about William of Normandy.
Didn't he used to be with the Patriots?
No, that was John Saxon. William of Normandy played for the Chicago Bears.
From a swampdick to a clown? I almost feel proud.
This is a continuation of our Valentine's Day story. If you will recall, our intrepid reporter, what's-her-name, was knocked senseless at Chester's Gulag fish restaurant (fine Siberian cuisine), when an unbalanced waiter lost control of his tray. Fortunately, with the aid of parapsychologist Madam Spirea, she was able to recover half her wits -- and better yet, a few of her lost memories. We're still docking her pay, but scroll below for the rest of the story.......
The rest of the story.....
Dateline Lincoln Park:
I remember Sammy Chan staring at the door and looking like he'd just been tray-bopped between the eyes himself. "Why, Grandmother," he said, "what a surprise this is. I haven't seen you in months...and here you are."
"Why shouldn't I be here?" asked the very well-preserved, white-haired Pekingese in a hot pink puppy stroller. "Here I have a grandson who's done so very well for himself. The attorney general, no less? And according to a brochure I have, the weather here is supposed to be absolutely perfect 364 days out of the year. Granted, it might not be so smart to hang around on the 365th day, but you win some, you lose some."
"We're expecting snow," said Sammy Chan. "And your weather in Hawaii is about as close to perfect as it gets."
"Eh. I've had enough of pineapple dog biscuits and worries over tsunamis. Besides, if I'm not adaptable, my name is not Suzy Wong Chan! Say, isn't that mutt with the beagle wearing do-me shoes your old friend, that bum Marco?"
"Uhm, who's this with you, Grandmother?"
"Itza Hogg," said the large pink pig who was pushing the stroller, in a friendly Texas drawl. "Suzy and I met on the plane. Well, we really met at Honolulu airport, but it's kind of a long story."
"Itza wants to open a restaurant here," Mrs. Chan informed her grandson. "Itza is a vegetarian."
Itza oinked modestly. "I own about a dozen small restaurants across the country. Maybe you've heard of the 'Slops and Hops' chain, son?"
Sammy Chan shook his head.
"Oh, well, we mostly draw the country crowd."
"Is that flirtatious little ball of fluff who's raising her tail for anything in a collar your girlfriend, dear?" Mrs. Chan asked her grandson.
"Chewy is just being friendly. She's a Maltese. They're naturally outgoing."
"Italian, eh? So you couldn't find a nice Oriental bitch around here? You don't have to gladden your grandmother's heart and bring home another Pekingese. I don't ask for that much. But what's wrong with a Shih Tzu, or a cute Shar-Pei, or a dainty Chinese crested? If I had to, I could even be civil to a reserved Chow chow or a Japanese chin, Sammy, but you have to opt for a Maltese?"
"This is a very nice restaurant," observed Itza Hogg, "but that lake outside sure smells fishy."
Fishy enough to make anybody dizzy. Developing....after the next set of x-rays...
E-mail posting from Bleu-Girl to her sister LuLu:
Moxie has left me!
He told me he was going back to Lincoln Park two days ago, notified his pilot, packed a bag, and now he's gone. I'm so frustrated, I can't even howl. I thought he was over that silly bout of homesickness. I mean, here he was -- living in a castle with the world at his paws, and he left it all for Lincoln Park? Boy! I can really pick 'em. Formidable!!!!!!!!!!
Lu, I don't want to come home. I'm going back to Paris in the morning and moving into a hotel. I still have no idea what I want to do with my life, but in the past month I've been hit on by every dog from the 2006 winner at Westminster to Johnny Depp's poodle. So maybe I'll just hang with that life style for a while.
The thing is, if I come back to Lincoln Park, I'll be regarded as nothing more than one of King Rockie's cast-off girlfriends, and you know how that feels.
But I do miss Moxie already. Life without him is like howling at the moon with laryngitis, or chasing squirrels without a backup. You know what I mean.
Anyhow, I will be all right, so don't worry about me. I have money in the very bank that Giles and I first robbed...and I'm not the silly puppy I used to be.
Bleu.
Oh, dear. We all know that Bleu IS the silly puppy she used to be. She's a desperate house dog for certes.
Perfect weather? Poor Moxie!
I assume that was a private shuttle bus Moxie was waiting for. Didn't he arrive in town on his own plane? However, a few days ago the weather was terrible. No limousines could get through. LOL.
I think Itzas female.
Representing what regime?
Lulu needs to cut that sister of her's loose. She tried to steal Rockie and Moxie both. She remins me of my bitch of a sister.
Lulu's sister is very young. My sister always tried to steal my boyfriends but now we get along. It has to do with the pecking order.
It has more to do with a pecker order!
Has your sister been identified through her dental records yet?
Not this again.
I liked it when Lulu's sister was robbing banks.
Moxie looks thoroughly adorable.
I agree with you. I just ran into him outside, along with my friends Aki and Cashew. My sister doesn't know what she is missing~
Moxie, Lu, Cash, and Aki are a class act. If you go out there now, be careful. It's sheer ice.
You have just named my new puppy for me. The name 'Cashew' is perfect. Thanks, Annie.
Cashew? Isn't that a nut?
I know a dog named Pecan.
A clever name, and a lot more original than Peanuts!
I don't know Cashew, but I also like the name.
Does this count? A favorite dog I had as a child was named Hazel.
i know a kitty named Pistashio. i don't know how to spell it.
I know a kitty named Flange.
Oh, HA HA HA.
How about a chipmunk named Lugnut?
How about we knock off this crap before some serious blogger with a facial twitch figures a way to blast us with an IED?
That would be u, my brother?
Which would make Yogi just a common nut with very loose bolts?
I have named one of the Peytons Lugnut.
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