Exorcised, bathed, and groomed -- what more does a girl have to do to get a date for Valentine's Day! (Photo by J.M. Hilton) 
posted by LuLu @ 11:18 PM
LuLu's Desperate House Dogs (formerly the Bow Wow Blog)
LuLu's Desperate House Dogs is a blog about an eccentric little Beagle named LuLu, who, along with her sister Sadie (a Whippet/Terrier/Beagle blend), writes the lurid Puppies in Lust series, and absorbs local color in an idyllic, off-the-leash, canine-centered village known as Lincoln Park~
Friday, February 09, 2007
Exorcised, bathed, and groomed -- what more does a girl have to do to get a date for Valentine's Day! (Photo by J.M. Hilton)
LuLu's Desperate House Dogs (formerly the Bow Wow Blog)
LuLu's Desperate House Dogs is a blog about an eccentric little Beagle named LuLu, who, along with her sister Sadie (a Whippet/Terrier/Beagle blend), writes the lurid Puppies in Lust series, and absorbs local color in an idyllic, off-the-leash, canine-centered village known as Lincoln Park~
About Me
- Name: LuLu
I am a single five-year-old female Beagle, shown here by myself, while my mix-up of a sister sings the praises of mutts on my blog. Well, let her. I have a most intriguing (one might even say lascivious) past, at least according to my autobiography. In a former lifetime I was Queen Elizabeth the Ist of England, and later on (among others) I was Nell Gwynn, Pauline Borghese, Louise Brooks, and eventually just lovable, neurotic, adorable ME. I have a perfectly charming, albeit very annoying, sister named Sadie. She's rarely plagued by conscience, possibly because she's a Sagittarius. To date she has attempted to steal most of my boyfriends, meaning we're quite used to fighting over bones. Sadie and I are the same age, although she's the adopted one. We do have a fair amount of things in common. For example, she was once Mary Queen of Scots, and later on both Barbara Villiers and Marlene Dietrich. Amazingly we get along -- at least when we're before the public~
Previous Posts
- LuLu also wonders who's going to hold her paw. (P...
- Tonight! Morey and his friends continue to enjoy ...
- Nagging questions about Gwendolyn continue to pla...
- Meanwhile, Marco gets into the act. (Photo by J.M...
- While a homesick Moxie must suffer the sting of r...
- In the spirit of diversity, Lincoln Park gets its...
- Jade Jardine and Lily leave for Daytona Beach -- ...
- Sometimes a dog can get lost, but he'll eventual...
- ...and Sammy Chan is about to have his paws full....
- Despite being newly tether-tied to a foxy chipmun...
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I will be you Valentine, Lilu.
Looks like Lily has her frizzy hair days just like i do.
Maybe I could get a date with a Blog Gnome!
Lily, either one of my dogs would be delighted to take you out on Valentine's Day. Lulu too.
How about a demon lover?
I live closer, Lily, but I'm a girl.
I live closer too, but I'm not like that. I LOVE ROCKIE. (Spencer and I aren't buddies.)
Nikki? Is Rockie even in town?
Yes, ladies, he is~
But is he smokin'?
A very sweet picture of Lily, who will get hundreds of valentines. She is too pretty not to.
Hi, LuLu and Lily! You are two cute babes all right! We are nerd dogs --really smart and computer friendly, and neither one of us has ever had a date, probably because we never get out in the sun. Want to get a load of our threads (HAHAHA) on Valentines Day? You could easily do better, but you could also do worse.
WEll,it IS possible.
How bout I just give u two boys Jean's address?
You're one mean man, bare. Bad to the bone. I like your style.
Thanx, J. I thanx you and my manx cat thanx you.
It would be dangerous to go out with a woman who was recently exorcised.
Would it be less dangerous to go out with one who hadn't been?
Sexists!
I hate working on Sundays. Do we get another story tonight?
You want somebody to tell you a story, Cathy? Once upon a time....
We all need stories. Isn't that why we're here?
When you say "here", Molly, do you mean that as all-encompassing?
I don't think she does, Jay, but I know how she feels.
I'll be happy to tell you a story, KKB.
Like you haven't already?
Time for a distemper shot, Jean?
Please! It's almost Valentine's Day!
Happy Valentines Day, Jean, Al Capone style.
Senator Paco is back? I know! He will have a rolicking affair with Digby the demon, forsaking breeder females for the jaws of hell!
Dateline Port Lincoln Park International Airport:
Are the reporters who work for LuLu's blog the only animals who fly commercial these days? Well, no, I guess not.
A herd of buffalo, fleeing the bad weather in, er, Buffalo, got off a Mesa flight, stampeded through the terminal and demolished The Grazing Area salad bar, before getting back on their plane and heading west.
"Their conduct was execrable," remarked an airport official. "Then again, the poor wild oxen were flying coach."
But I digress or something.
Seen deplaning in the private jet area at PLPIA was former Lincoln Park resident, Blue-eyed Sydney, the lovely Aussie shepherd who is set to leash-lock with Senator Paco any old day now, we hope -- the 'we' being rat-terrier reporterette Brenda Starr, et moi - the old and weary standby.
"Oh, hi," said Syd, when we leaped on top of her and wrestled her to the floor. (Well, we ARE dogs.) "My, what an exuberant welcome."
"Where's Paco?" we asked. "You two didn't break up, did you? Some hot intern hasn't come between you? Paco hasn't flipped over a new page?"
"Don't try to turn me into a mere tertium quid, you tacky terriers!" she growled, and since we didn't know what she was talking about, we got off her back.
"OK, so despite the fact you look sexy, rich and sensational, what are you doing here by yourself just two days before Cupid the Cuddle Pug begins biting lovers with his arrow-sharp teeth?" we demanded.
She shook herself off while we shook off her bodyguards.
"I've come to help my cousin, Young Blue Eyes, jump start his singing career," she explained. "He's doing his first full concert -- 'Young Blue Eyes Howls Michael Buble' at Chester's Gulag on Valentine's Day. Is that enough information for you?"
"And Senator Paco WILL be joining you?"
"If POSSIBLE," she snapped. "You know there are politicians who actually DO work."
"Really? Wow. You could have fooled us and half of America regarding that one."
We engaged in a brief snap-and-snarl, which happily did not result in bloodshed, when Syd's extremely handsome cousin, Young Blue Eyes, the near celeb, arrived.
"Bow wow, wow, wow...can we have your autograph? Pant? Huh? Pant?" we asked, showing our ususal savoir faire, not to mention our private parts, as we rolled over to expose our sensitive side.
"Most certainly," arfed YBE in his caressive baritone.
Brenda and I peed on the floor.
He gave Syd an appreciative sniff and a nose lick. Where's Paco, cuz?"
Story continued below...
Story continued...
Syd blinked. "Why, he's still in Washington. I told you -- he would try to make it."
YBE sat down and scratched his autograph on our backsides -- right near the start of our tails, where the fleas most commonly bite. "Yeah, well, I sort of told Chester Samoyed that Paco was a definite," he said. "He'll be very disappointed."
Syd's hackles rose. "For Dog's sake, Blue, I can't help that!" She glanced over at us, rolling on our backs while kicking our legs in the air. "Let's get out of here," she arfed. "I have a limousine waiting outside."
"The limo driver got sick!" we barked. "It's just us and our ten-year-old Honda Civic, but we'll let you ride without seatbelts, and we'll keep the windows down in case you have to hurl."
Syd's bodyguards chased us through the terminal, but we finally wore them out circling the baggage carousel for the fourteenth time, and made our escape.
As we padded outside, we saw Syd's limousine pulling away from the curb. Right behind it was a beat-up Old Yella cab with a scruffy-looking dog at the wheel.
"That dog looks like an American breed," observed Brenda.
"You're right," I said, "and when's the last time you saw an American breed driving a cab in any major city?"
"They've got trouble," Brenda barked.
Developing...
More snow! This is the best month so far!
You can have it! Ugh!
We await sleet in idyllic Lincoln Park.
We've already had it over here. Deuce and Fiver are sadists!
You did get your story, Cathy. Maybe Syd will marry Prince Paco on Valentine's Day.
You seem to be in a romantic mood of late, Kabby.
Could be Valentines Day, Jay.
Just like Syd, I may be a girl in love.
Something tells me this might not be a tale I want to wag.
I'll wag it for you, Jay. LOL.
I said I MAY BE. Syd didn't say she was in love with Prince Paco, did she?
Do you figure Syd's got a thing for her cousin?
Have we done incest yet?
Let me think. Spencer had a sex-change operation, or pretended to, and married a chipmunk, and Lily was held as a love slave. Incest seems pretty dull.
Kabby and I are engaged to be married.
Did you do this for me? You know I worship Sinatra.
We're not sadists. We just like snow!
Take ours! Please!
Drive time today was pretty grim. Yogibare isn't really engaged to KKB is he?
NO!
but a wedding would be fun.
Jellie and Lily?
I've yet to sniff Yogibare!
Is Lulu still seeing Chester or is she back with Rocky?
Isn't she seeing both of rhem?
She is seeing both of them, that naughty girl!
Here are two yummy cocktails guaranteed to make your Valentine's Day a lushy hit, Lover Pups:
Kiss-Me-Quick
2 oz Pernod
5 drops Agnostura bitters
Dash of curacao
Shake over cracked ice and strain into chilled cocktail glass. Garnish with a lemon twist.
The Pink Goody
1 oz light rum
1 oz gin
1/2 oz lime juice
tsp. maraschino liqueur
Shake over cracked ice and strain into chilled cocktail glass. Garnish with a lime twist.
Bottoms up!
And follow the 12 step program for dogs.
The Pink Goody?
He said it would make Valentines day a hit.
No red hearts, eh?
How about a black eye, bare?
All is fair in love and war, dogs. Just ask Ana Nicole Smith.
How are you going to ask her, Bret, through Digby the Demon?
You might consider Madame Spirea~
Lincoln Park is closed, Cuddles.
Closed? Lincoln Park? What?
I get it. We've got about a foot of snow.
Did everybody see the dog show? That spaniel was GORGEOUS.
I wish the pug had won. Cuddles or Cupid is a darling pug.
PUG POWER~
Happy Valentine's Day, Cupid. Did you get dumped on by that big storm, Mollie?
Seriously! If that picture of Cuddles was taken in Lincoln Park, it's not a recent one, I can tell you that.
I have a handsome male pug who looks very much like Cupid. His name is Bacchus. Would a play date be in order?
You'll have to ask Cupid.
Oh, that's fine. They can have a playdate.
How is the weather down in Key West today, J?
Better than wherever you are, Bare.
I am in Palm Springs right now. Up yours, J.
Feel up a rottweieler? Somebody's balls got severed with a sled runner today.
Oh nice picture! Happy Valentine's Day.
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