Moxie is named the "Sexiest Dog Alive" by Mammal Magazine! (Photo by J.M. Hilton)
posted by LuLu @ 12:37 AM
LuLu's Desperate House Dogs (formerly the Bow Wow Blog)
LuLu's Desperate House Dogs is a blog about an eccentric little Beagle named LuLu, who, along with her sister Sadie (a Whippet/Terrier/Beagle blend), writes the lurid Puppies in Lust series, and absorbs local color in an idyllic, off-the-leash, canine-centered village known as Lincoln Park~
Monday, November 20, 2006
Moxie is named the "Sexiest Dog Alive" by Mammal Magazine! (Photo by J.M. Hilton)
LuLu's Desperate House Dogs (formerly the Bow Wow Blog)
LuLu's Desperate House Dogs is a blog about an eccentric little Beagle named LuLu, who, along with her sister Sadie (a Whippet/Terrier/Beagle blend), writes the lurid Puppies in Lust series, and absorbs local color in an idyllic, off-the-leash, canine-centered village known as Lincoln Park~
About Me
- Name: LuLu
I am a single five-year-old female Beagle, shown here by myself, while my mix-up of a sister sings the praises of mutts on my blog. Well, let her. I have a most intriguing (one might even say lascivious) past, at least according to my autobiography. In a former lifetime I was Queen Elizabeth the Ist of England, and later on (among others) I was Nell Gwynn, Pauline Borghese, Louise Brooks, and eventually just lovable, neurotic, adorable ME. I have a perfectly charming, albeit very annoying, sister named Sadie. She's rarely plagued by conscience, possibly because she's a Sagittarius. To date she has attempted to steal most of my boyfriends, meaning we're quite used to fighting over bones. Sadie and I are the same age, although she's the adopted one. We do have a fair amount of things in common. For example, she was once Mary Queen of Scots, and later on both Barbara Villiers and Marlene Dietrich. Amazingly we get along -- at least when we're before the public~
Previous Posts
- ...and Blue Girl dreams~ (Photo by Lisa Bratton)
- Coming up! Lily's Aunt Lucinda arrives in Lincoln ...
- Morey the Mutt's column makes no sense, meaning it...
- Lily recovers from 'avian distemper' at her leisur...
- Gracie the coachdog has plenty to impart to old fr...
- Sonja the seal befriends a real turkey in internat...
- Lizzy (or is it LuLu?) takes to her heels and head...
- PRIDE&POOP by Jane Airedale (and LuLu)
- "Does Sammy Chan have a girlfriend?" wonders newco...
- King Rockie reigns anew in every respect. (Photo b...
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80 Comments:
It's George Clooney with HAIR!!!
Two favorite pictures of mine. Lulu's little sister is a doll and isn't that Lily's puppy all grown up? Whatever happened to the pug?
I luv the pugs! In the story they went to South America. Didn't they?
I was sorry life didn't work out for the basset.
I was sorry life didn't work out for the basset.
What basset r u talking about?
The one in the story!
She means the one in Pride & Poop, Cathy. The vicar's dog.
The basset whose honey left him with his tail draggin between his rocks and a soft spot. What r you doin for Thanksgiving, Kabby?
None of your business, Javens.
I only read Morey & look at the pictures. LOL.
Looks like you strike out, Javens.
I'm just warming up, Bare.
Thanks for PRIDE&POOP. I enjoyed it.
The Eye On The Park...
Dateline the Coastline:
Two American water spaniels employed by the US Coast Guard earlier today dragged a small dinghy ashore off the coast of Cape Lookout, North Carolina.
"Looked like they had two dogs covered up with blankets in there," reported our stringer in that part of the South, Salty Sanborn the Plott Hound.
"If I had to guess, I'd a-said they were dead. Then danged if one of 'em didn't get up and walk along the beach."
"What happened next?" we asked him.
"The lighthouse keeper called me in for breakfast," he replied.
"Hey! We pay you for this stuff, Salty. Is that all you've got?"
"The dog I saw looked like an Akita."
"So?"
"They're Japanese, ain't they? Maybe there's somethin' going on with the Japanese."
"Salty, the last time you called in a story, you told us a UFO had landed and two aliens were getting set to take over the lighthouse."
"Did I?"
"It turned out to be two Komondors with really bad haircuts and a Frisbee."
"It was somewhat dark out when I saw them."
"Yeah, well, the story about the barking mermaid was also harder to swallow than a box of worming medicine."
"Y'all got anybody else in this area willin' to work for the wages you pay?"
"Point taken."
"Thought so."
"Hmmm."
"Oh, one more thing..."
"Which would be?"
"After the dogs ditched the boat, I made my way down there and found one of them business cards."
"And..?"
"Y'all ever heard of somebody named Belle the Cocker?"
Developing....
I'm the first one here? It must be the holiday. Where are Deuce and Fiver?
I'm still here.
I'm thrilled to say so am I
Our owner's family is coming here for Thanksgivig. I would like a turkey for me, myself and I.
So would I!
Then go out with Javens.
You are such a pain, Bare.
JAY? It's JAY now? I thot just Ken did that.
I can call myself whatever I want. I like naming myself for the photographers.
I believe u may be an inmate, J. But not in a prison, my man.
Too weird, guy.
I like Kingsley.
Why don't you call yourself Hiljavbratprotrel (I'm trying to collectify the photographers here), J? Or call yourself Rumpelstiltskin. You are weird, but we've had worse.
Hi, Ken. And Happy Thanksgiving and Happy Ken's Holiday. (Does everybody remember that one?)
We do!
We remember.
I thought you two went out of town?
Here's wishing everybody a very nice Thanksgiving, including the strange ones.
Happy Thanksgiving, even to you, JAY. May you get a yummy turkey, Lulu.
A Happy TG from Seattle :)
Watch the turkey bones, Lulu. I don't get any and I'm a lot bigger then you are.
Happy Thanksgiving.
Does nybody know how to cook a turkey?
I know I won't get any but I heard my person say that you cook a turkey for 15 min. per pound at 325 degrees and add 1/2 hour if it is stuffed. It will smell really good at my house tomorrow but Spencer and I will only get dog food!
Have a Happy thanksgiving too.
The Eye on the Park...
Dateline Santa Catalina Island, sort of:
"Pretty lights over on the island," observed Sonja the sea lion, who was looking very much like a seal in the early morning mist, as a watery sun began to rise over the ocean.
"Yeah, and we're out here stuck on this barge," said TJ the goose, who was looking very much like a turkey.
"Do I know you?" Sonja asked the big bird. "I thought I saw you at the party in the casino last night, but I was kind of busy balancing a ball on my nose at the time."
He sat down next to her and ruffled his feathers. "I was wearing heavy makeup," he confessed. "I looked a lot more like a goose last night."
"Why would you want to look like a goose?" she asked him.
"Why do you try to pass as a sea lion?" he responded.
"I asked you first, bird."
"Well, Ok. No brainer there. Today is Thanksgiving, and I'm the National Turkey."
"The one the president pardoned?"
TJ nodded. "Yeah. But, like, would YOU believe him?"
Sonja barked a laugh. "So you wound up disguised as a goose, on a gambling barge three miles out in international waters?"
"I'm playing this one close to my wattle until November 24th."
She nodded.
"So what's your story?"
"I'm running away from a sea-lion stalker. He thinks I've headed for Florida to become a circus star, but I'm really hiding out here, in the guise of a sea lion. Well, actually, I had to pretend to be a sea lion just to get the job. They don't hire seals."
"I guess you and I don't have a lot to be thankful for this Thanksgiving," said TJ.
"Oh, I don't know. By the way, I'm Sonja."
"I'm TJ."
"Look at it this way, it's nice to be alive, right? And it's also nice to have a friend."
So the turkey and the seal sat together on the barge and watched the sun come up over the Pacific.
"How many vegetarians do you think there are over there on the mainland?"
"Not a lot, and you sure don't want to look like a goose come Christmas."
"Good point."
Happy Thanksgiving from the Eye~
A Happy Thanksgiving to you, Lulu.
God news! I think we're getting the liver!
Whose?
Thank you! The turkey seems to be going well. It's not burning or anything! Happy Thanksgiving.
HAPPY THANKSGIVING, LULU.
Hugs, LuLu
Ha! Ha! Spencer and I got some turkey after all. Its because I'm irresistable.
The Thanksgiving Applejack
2 oz applejack
1 oz lime juice
1/2 oz grenadine
Pour over cracked ice and shake well, strain into a cocktail glass and garnish with a lime wheel.
A nice holiday drink that goes down easy.
I'll try it, Maesh. But I won't give any to my dog.
BEEEElated. DEEEElighted. Happy turkey day.
Thank you, everybody, for your nice posts, and I hope each and every single one of you had a great holiday!
I have to go to bed early tonight, because I want to hit the ground dog trotting tomorrow -- when they have all the great sales at the pet stores!!!!
Luv, LuLu~
Lu, did u shopt till u dropped?
We got to sleep in!
I didn't, but I hope everybody had a nice Thanksgiving.
Did you have a nice Thanksgiving, Kabby?
I did, thank you, without a turkey in sight.
Was that a slam at old Jav, KKB?
Like the pix of all three. Oh, Spencer looks good for all he's been thru. LOLCHI!
How dare you!
The Eye On The Park...
Dateline Lincoln Park:
Police were called to the Church of Lily this morning, when a puppy yoga class was interrupted when one of the former international supermodel's adopted hyena cubs attempted to take a six-month-old Maltipoo named Bambi hostage.
"I've never seen anything like it," Bambi's mother told police officers, "and I will press charges unless I receive ample remuneration. My puppy was absolutely terrified! Why, that THING told her she looked like a nice snack. Can you imagine? Poor Bambi's going to be in therapy for months."
"Unfortunately, this isn't the first time we've been called over here in the past couple of days," said LPPD flat paw, Pete the bull terrier. "I'm tellin' ya, those cubs are trouble. They like to flash certain body parts that don't need flashin' -- and I guess in their culture it's OK to eat your neighbor, 'cause that's why they keep tryin' to grab other animals. They don't want hostages; they want lunch.
"So far, we've rescued two pretty Yorkies, a cute Cocker, and an elderly Sheltie one of 'em cornered in the meditation room. Now we've got an issue with this Maltipoo. To date, nobody's been seriously injured, but I'm thinkin' it's just a matter of time."
"Lily is still not back from Nepal!" snarled her business partner, Lady Dixie Simba, better known as the Asp, when we cornered HER in her well-appointed office.
"I don't care how many messages you leave!" she howled at her assistant, a harried-looking miniature Schnauzer. "Just find her!"
"We gather things aren't going well with Jekyll and Hyde?" we asked sweetly, and the Asp bared her teeth, preparing for a snap-and-snarl.
"Must you state the obvious? NO! Things are not going well, you IDIOTS!"
"Dixie," her assistant cautioned, "remember that you are talking to the press."
The Asp rolled over and played dead for a moment.
"I'm afraid," said her assistant, "that Lily is down with avian distemper, which means she can't leave Nepal until they lift the quarantine."
"Avian distemper?"
"There is no such thing," the Asp growled. "Lily made it up because she has the sense to stay away from here right now. And to think, everybody thought I was the one with the brains."
"I never did," dissented her assistant. "After all, Lily didn't get to be an international celebrity on good looks alone."
"Yes, she did," barked the Asp, "and you're fired."
"Fine," said the Schnauzer. "Both nannies have quit, the servants have given notice, and the bitches we had dressed as Grecian nymphs have given up their veils...."
From the floor above us, we heard the sound of a loud shriek, followed by a gunshot.
Developing....
Hyenas? Lily, be smart, girl and stay in Nepale.
What kind of dog r u, KBB? Did you ever said?
Where have you been, Iddy?
Your picture of the Asp is priceless.
I am a vicious attack dog, Iddy. More questions?
There r no vicious dogs. There r vicious owners!
Not one of those!
Molly is right. Dogs have to be trained to go bad. Kabby is no vicious dog. Kabby is a pussycat.
I have a cat.
Actually a small percent of dogs are vicious, its in their genes. but mostly bad owners are to blame.
Yes, I can see Jones' point. As with people, from time to time u get a genuinely bad one, but in general it has to do with how a person is brought up, how they are trained and educated. A dog is the same.
Chow Chows have bad reputations but it is undeserved. Sadly many Chows are inbred too, and that can destroy a breed.
I'm sticking to my origianl statement.
Then there was Cujo.
Didn't Cujo get rabies?
Well it wasn't a bad cold.
Cujo was a fictional character.
He WAS? Well there goes another mentor.
The Eye On The Park...
Dateline Lincoln Park:
Lincoln Park police officers were called back to the Church of Lily for the umpteenth time this afternoon, after neighbors complained about hearing gunshots and explosions.
"I've lived in some pretty wild towns," admitted Mimsy, a five-year-old Mountain Cur, who's definitely managed to dog-trot the globe. "I've kenneled in places like Sao Paulo, Manila, Kingston, Jo'burg -- even St. Louis, Missouri, and that's really putting one's life on the line.
"I moved to Lincoln Park last year," she went on, "because it's not supposed to be a crime-ridden hellhole. It's supposed to be idyllic here, but whatever is going on over in that church makes the mean streets of Karachi seem tame by comparison."
And she cowered as she padded past the faux Grecian temple dedicated to youth and beauty -- and Lily Hilton.
"What the poopie-doo kind of church is it anyway?" asked Basil Boer, a two-year-old Rhodesian Ridgeback, who is also new to the area. "I used to see all these little Betty biscuit-crunchers doggy dancing in see-through veils over there. I wondered what had happened to them, so I went looking, and got pounced on by two vicious hyena cubs."
His expression turned hangdog. "Would you believe I had to be rescued by an old female spaniel with the bark of a lion tamer? It was outta here embarrassing. Then again, it was my life."
"What's going on, Dixie?" we asked the Asp, when we were finally able to get past her snarling assistant by slipping her some drugged beef jerky. "We were told the police are looking for Lily's Aunt Lucinda. Did she kill somebody?"
"How the %%%!!! would I know?" she snarled. "Lily is STILL in Nepal, and I don't know where that crazy old aunt even IS at this point."
"Try right behind you, vomit-for-brains," barked the bitch in question. "I've got the Lincoln Park police force muzzled and chained to the can next to the meditation room."
She cut her eyes in our direction.
"You mutts the press?"
Story continued below...
Story continued...
We wagged our tails. Aunt Lucinda looked psychotic -- cute little bonnet, granny glasses and all.
Maybe it was the assault rifle she had slung over one shoulder that pretty much solidified our opinion of her as being as cracked as the Liberty Bell -- that and the fact she lobbed a grenade out the window at a twittering squirrel, who is likely to miss his tail this winter.
"Those ###!!!&& things annoy me," she tersely explained, "and chasing them is a waste of precious time." She tail-wagged back at us. "I'm Lucinda Spaniel," she nicely introduced herself, "the cubs new nanny. By the way, you did a tidy job of temporarily flat-lining the bimbo in the outer office."
Lady Dixie Simba arfed a nervous little laugh. "You've taken over the rearing of the cubs, Auntie Lu? Why, how very...generous."
Aunt Lucinda aimed her rifle at the bust of the Asp's estranged husband, General (Lord) Mondo Simba, and blasted it to shreds along with most of his wife's desk.
"Have you heard any shrieking from the cubs in the last ten minutes, you social climbing, feather-tailed trollop?"
The Asp raised her paws but kept her poise. (We peed on the carpet.)
"No, Auntie," she replied. "Evidently you know your cub rearing."
Aunt Lucinda removed a knife from her apron, nailed a fly on the wall, and made conversation. "I guess the implied threat of oral torture finally got to them," she said. "Bedtime stories can make or break a juvenile training program, you see? My stories, now, make the original tales of the Brothers Grimm seem almost as innocuous as what's shown on South Park."
The Asp lowered her paws. Aunt Lucinda eyeballed her.
"Tell Lily she can come home from Nepal. I have the matter well in paw here. In fact, the cubs are napping as we bark. When they won't do nappies, I lock them in a basement closet and show them pictures of Pam Anderson and Goldie Hawn without makeup."
She thumped her tail. "It works even better than our little game of 'count the bullets' tag." And she rewarded us with a smile that might have warmed the hearts of half the guards at Abu Ghraib.
As we fled out the door, doing duck and cover with real ducks, we heard her tell the Asp -- "I just found out that Chester Samoyed has come in from the cold and moved to Lincoln Park. We took some advanced training courses together once, but I am surprised to find him alive and barking...and apparently in robust health."
Developing?
Maybe after therapy.
The blog is back!
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