Lily wonders if she should play her new role as Princess Di, Duchess Camilla, or Blanche DuBois~
posted by LuLu @ 10:57 PM
LuLu's Desperate House Dogs (formerly the Bow Wow Blog)
LuLu's Desperate House Dogs is a blog about an eccentric little Beagle named LuLu, who, along with her sister Sadie (a Whippet/Terrier/Beagle blend), writes the lurid Puppies in Lust series, and absorbs local color in an idyllic, off-the-leash, canine-centered village known as Lincoln Park~
Friday, March 03, 2006
Lily wonders if she should play her new role as Princess Di, Duchess Camilla, or Blanche DuBois~
LuLu's Desperate House Dogs (formerly the Bow Wow Blog)
LuLu's Desperate House Dogs is a blog about an eccentric little Beagle named LuLu, who, along with her sister Sadie (a Whippet/Terrier/Beagle blend), writes the lurid Puppies in Lust series, and absorbs local color in an idyllic, off-the-leash, canine-centered village known as Lincoln Park~
About Me
- Name: LuLu
I am a single five-year-old female Beagle, shown here by myself, while my mix-up of a sister sings the praises of mutts on my blog. Well, let her. I have a most intriguing (one might even say lascivious) past, at least according to my autobiography. In a former lifetime I was Queen Elizabeth the Ist of England, and later on (among others) I was Nell Gwynn, Pauline Borghese, Louise Brooks, and eventually just lovable, neurotic, adorable ME. I have a perfectly charming, albeit very annoying, sister named Sadie. She's rarely plagued by conscience, possibly because she's a Sagittarius. To date she has attempted to steal most of my boyfriends, meaning we're quite used to fighting over bones. Sadie and I are the same age, although she's the adopted one. We do have a fair amount of things in common. For example, she was once Mary Queen of Scots, and later on both Barbara Villiers and Marlene Dietrich. Amazingly we get along -- at least when we're before the public~
Previous Posts
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- Lover, when I'm near you, and I hear you speak my ...
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- I say, "The devil is in you," and to resist you I ...
- Lover, please be tender, when you're tender fears ...
- Meet Miss Mischief, also known as Dixie. She plans...
- Sloan, the doggerel-spouting beagle, in our myster...
- Elf bites! Enjoy our Holiday Story under comments~
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LuLu is unable to work on the blog tonight. Rockie's back. And that should say it all.
That retriever is back? Oh, peachy.
I STILL like the dog on the rug.
SEEN IN THE PARK:
Donna and her buzz-cut but still adorable (and rapidly recovering) Spunky, our fave Chihuahua, LuLu the Beagle with her windblown guardian, Miss Gracie and her mom, and two hot new males on the LP scene: Alex, an Afghan-Springer Spaniel blend....and Junior, a Chihuahua-Pomeranian, Spaniel mix.
These two are both affable PR types, so watch out, King Rockie!
The girls all agree that you're still the Big Biscuit, but you could be about to get the squeeze.
While we're at it: Has anybody run into Paco lately?
THE EYE
Rock gets lost in the crunch.
Please put up more flattering pictures of Lily.
Rockie rules, O, ye of little faith. And I'm so happy my boyfriend's back!
Your boyfriend and everybody else's, Lulu.
Jealous, Anon? Or is it "Duchess" again?
WANT THE REAL DIRT?
How about LuLu and Rockie getting down and dirty in the park this afternoon? Talk about having eyes, paws and tongues only for each other! They ignored thoughtful Bearded-collie Benji, and a remarkably subdued Maggie the Cocker, to chase sticks and roll around in the mud together.
Even Miss Gracie was unable to separate them for more than a few minutes. Other dogs were watching their antics and shaking their heads. "Rent a pen!" protested a passing Pom. But the two of them just kept at it.
THIS JUST IN: LuLu did get a bath when she got home and I'm told Rockie got his feet wiped.
I should think so! What a display!
Meanwhile, Miss Gracie continues to pine for an absent Tanner. Such a shame, since she looked lovely in a new blue coat. Better get back to the park before some other dog gets ideas, Tanner.
THE EYE
I'll help, lulu.
You'll help,Punkin? Well, that's different~
WoW! Dogs, dogs, dogs. There were more members of the Lincoln Park Waggin' Train out on the stroll tonight than there were underdressed starlets and bad jokes at the Oscars.
NOTABLES: Paco, possibly the best-looking German Shepherd in the Western Hemisphere, was there with his dad, and in top stick-chasing form as usual. Dixie (the Asp)showed up with her mom. The Asp is growing up -- and she's an absolute beauty! Another Cavalier King Charles spaniel, but of course. And Tanner the Beagle/cur-dog mix finally came out of hiding, which thrilled Miss Gracie, our delightful Shihtzu. Rocko the bulldog also stopped by with his guardian. Welcome back, Rocko! It's been forever since we last saw you.
Also Glimpsed: The highly photogenic Lily Hilton and her dashing cratemate, Spencer. Bobby the Boxer mix, Buddy the Lab, Maggie Cocker, Benji the Bearded Collie, Monsieur Nestle, and the charming Sony were all strutting their stuff...and of course Rockie and LuLu were there, gathering sticks only for each other, as usual.
Double Wow! What a night! There was such a crush at the end of the walk, if I missed anyone, I apologize. It was an afternoon of kids, dogs, and tangled leashes -- a sure sign that spring is just around the fire hydrant.
THE EYE
I agree!
How about another picture of the ASP.
Right! How about another picture of the ASP? I'm becoming more beautiful by the day - so where's the guy with the camera. I'm not going to remain the world's best-looking puppy forever, you know?
Lulu, the time has come for me to be off to the seven seas. I promise to remember you always and our paths may cross again. Sweet the moment of convergence. Don't be too hard on the Asp or Fiver.
ahoo!launchaball away!lolato!
Anchors (or Kong Balls) aweigh, Punkin. Sorry it didn't work out between us, but there's also a Bichon Frise out there somewhere who ran off and joined the French Foreign Legion because of me~
Lulu, are you sure Punkin ran off to sea because of you?
Hi Fiver, it's me Lily. You should know by now that EVERYTHING'S because of Lulu.
Hi Lulu, it's me Lily. Sorry!
It's all right, Lily. I'm sure that years and years and years ago, some nice doggie joined Paul Revere on his midnight ride after he was rejected by you~
Madam WHO? LOL. LUMA.
Can we ask the psychic questions?
That is up to the psychic. At this point it is our plan to get in touch with Madame Spirea once or twice a month, whenever the caravan is rolling through town, to give us her predictions. But what the arf? You can ask whatever you wish, O seeker of truth and slow bunny rabbits. We'll let Spirea decide is she's in a mood to answer you~
Excuse me -- make that "IF" she's in a mood to answer. LuLu is tired tonight after a wicked game of stick fetching in the Lincoln Park fountains with Great Love Rockie earlier.
My Dear Psychic
Madame Spirea,
Because of your sign readings and 'warnings', my she guardian wants to ask whether it is a good idea for her to sign an imp contract this month? She is moving to another residence and plans to sign the docs. this wk.
lulu,
You outdid yourself tonight. I'd lay my money on you anytime to win a stick contest against your favorite hunk.
Lulu,
Is Lily wearing a head scarf? Where did you get it?
madam spirea will a dog ever be elected president?
Nestle, O seeker of enlightenment and kibble, tell your guardian she should never sign a contract offered by an imp. (Also tell her to read Faust.) As for contracts in general, now is not a great time to be inking any dotted lines, but if she must, she must. Inform her she would be wise to capture a leprechaun to help with the negotiations. Also wish her a Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Madame Spirea knows all, sees all, and vibrates the wisdom of the universe....when she's not out chasing cats.
Live long and ask only for top sirloin.
Will a dog ever be elected president?
I'm not sure, Anon, but if that ever happens, it certainly will be a step up.
Lily rarely wears headscarves, Margaret, but I think it would be a great idea! She likes to ride in cars, and a scarf would give her that Grace Kelly look~
Lily, my sister and I love you no matter what. You be careful Lulu doesn't lead you astray. She is funny but she is too wild.
YEAH, MADAM SPIREA, AM I GOING TO GET A NEW GARAGE!
Lady Spirea, am I going to get fat when I get neutered, and is my sweet and nice mommie ever going to find another husband.
I am a 3 mo. old boykin spaniel and I love every one I meet.
MadMonty, a new garage? What in the eye of newt happened to your old one? As long as you remain mad, Monty, you will never get much of anything. Try an anger management class, and then worry about the garage.
The spirits have spoken.
Dear Perks,
You sound like a nice dog, and I am happy to inform you that you will not necessarily get fat after you are neutered. Just watch what you eat, kid. Lay off the butter, booze, and heavy sauces.
As for your mommy, how many husbands has she had already? If it's more than three, she might want to ask the vet if she can get a special deal on a double neutering.
Best of luck to both of you from the psychic to the dog stars...Madame Spirea...
Madame Spirea,
I thought a dog already had been elected president.
Monsieur Nestle -- Do you insult dogdom? Since when has there been a stalwart leader like Rin-Tin-Tin, a comforting presence like Lassie, or a clever canine like Beethoven in the Washington Dog House? A horse was once made a consul of Rome -- or maybe it was the south end of the horse going north. But a true dog in the oval kennel? Alas, not yet.
But we can keep our paws crossed.
Hope springs eternal, although I'd think she'd be getting a little tired by now.
Madame Spirea
The Irish Hound Cocktail
two oz vodka
1/4 oz cointreau
1/4 oz chartreuse
pour over cracked ice and stir; strain into chilled cocktail glass and serve with an orange garnish or a shamrock -- or you can chugg green beer.
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Madam Spriea,
Am I ever going to meet a girl dog
to go to the park with? I feel like Morey with his social problems. Is there a spell you can use to help me?
Why has MY picture been removed from the blog? Lily's picture is always up there and so is LuLu's. Do you have something against tri-color female Cavalier puppies? I do have the phone number of the ACLU, you know?
Fiver,
You feel like Morey with his social problems? Is your owner a werewolf and are your two best buds coyotes?
If so, the last thing you probably need is a girlfriend. Otherwise, get off the computer and out to a park once in a while. Unless you have the personality of a rabid dingo, you're likely to meet a few bitches, and one or two might even turn out to be canine.
Perks' Mommy....
Honey, we had to delete your comment because you evidently mixed your over-the-counter medications and got slummy-mouthed with Madame Spirea. Go to one of those chat rooms for angry divorced broads over 40 and let 'er rip -- but don't take your rage out on your dog, and don't take it out on Madame Spirea.
Asp,
Nobody has anything against you, and we certainly aren't prejudiced against Cavaliers or spaniels -- they're all over the blog! A new picture of you will be posted shortly after St. Patrick's Day, along with those of some of our other cute local puppies, as part of our Spring Puppies Parade.
Try to calm down and relax. You're much too young for hypertension~
Thanks, Maesh, for the St. Pat's cocktail. By the way, what kind of dog do you have again?
Those cutouts are too adorable!!!
A spaniel fortuneteller IS kind of spooky.
Heeeeeheee. Will Rock and Lulu get married?
baby hooey, you're full of it.
Firbawl -- there's a pit bull stalking you.
lulu,
you weren't at the park Fri. eve. which makes me wonder --
did you 'celebrate' St. Patrick's Day the good ole fasioned way? I sure hope so!
If you mean, did I hit the Dublin Pub, Nestle, I'm afraid the answer is no. My guardian had a "gig" last night, and one of my so-called
aunts volunteered to keep an eye on me -- for what reason I can't imagine. I'm a fully mature beagle!
I suppose Rockie was out with Nicole or Miss Gracie -- rolling around in green goose poop?
Oh, well, I'll get even by stealing all their eggs on Easter~
I notice that MY picture still isn't up there. I wasn't kidding about the ACLU, you know!!!!!!!
yes u were.
If Rocky is king, can Paco at least be prime minister?
Paco's Pal,
The film-star gorgeous German Shepherd can be anything he wants to be! But a little bird recently whispered to Madame S. that Paco may soon be moving into a house of his own -- meaning he'll be the king of a castle. Madame S. predicts a long and merry life for the Matthew McConaughey of dogdom.
And Madame S. is never wrong...well, OK, maybe about her first husband, but nobody's perfect.
Wouldn't want Rock mad at me. He's king of the hill. You can tell.
Lulu, why can't you pick a dog your own size?
The Eye on the Park --
Despite the lack of springtime weather, lovely LuLu made it to the park tonight just in time to meet up with The Leader of the Pack (Tanner) and the Hunkiest of Hunks (Paco) -- and she had both males ALL TO HERSELF.
"I wore myself out gathering sticks," LuLu reported. "We romped and stomped all the way from the park to the Fraze, and back again."
Finally Nikita, also known as Nikki, LuLu's hound/shepherd neighbor, showed up. She said she was looking for Rockie, who had been in the park earlier with his grandmother. "She's visiting the area just in time to welcome a blizzard," said Nikki. "Too bad."
Tanner finally took his leave, and Paco politely escorted LuLu and Nikita across the street. He would have walked them home, but the siren call of Miss Gracie, who suddenly emerged from the communal sandbox, proved too much.
"Excuse me, ladies, but I'm good for one more round of lick-and-fetch," he explained, and went off to join the saucy shih-tzu.
"Wait'll Gracie finds out you rolled in the grass with Tanner," Nikita whispered to LuLu, who shrugged her indifference.
"I'll tell her I was cold," said LuLu with a grin. "She'll understand."
Oh, sure....
Fiver,
Well, sweetie, Tanner, a cur-dog/beagle mix, is about my size, but what difference does it make?
I'm a girl with a big heart~
No wonder Punkin ran off to sea.
oh james dean, i mean not to interfere with your commentary, but I need to say this to Madame Spirea.
Madame Spirea,
I asked about signing on a dotted line for a new residence and you voiced a warning. How did you know Madame S.? Today is the day for signing many dotted lines the day prior to movers coming and the roads are bad, snowy, icy , slippery. How did you know to give a warning. Oh Madame S , I am a believer now.
Oh, Tanner, I know you've got the hots for Ellie Mae, but you were coming onto me strong and heavy last night in the park. Come to think of it, you were coming onto Paco pretty heavily, too.
Uh, James Dean, I think we need to talk~
James Dean, you're also interested in Lola's mommy? I think you need to meet a clever Schnauzer I know by the name of Freud.
I agree about LM's voice, though. It is cute and bubbly and makes everybody feel good. Well, it makes ME feel good, and that's what matters, right?
Nestle,
Madame Spirea has an in with the spirits and has been psychic since puppy hood. She has predicted the last three Best of Show winners at Westminster, and the fact a collie in heat over on Ackerman was going to run off and get knocked up.
In other words, Madame Spirea knows her stuff.
And don't worry, Nestle, things will work out. I see you always having a home and always being French.
Madame Spirea knows all......
JAMES DEAN? My mother told me all about Jimmy Dean! Hey, bad boy, why not hang up the phone on those two old mutts -- Ellie Mae and Little LuLu? (As for Paco and Lola's mommy, well, let's just say I can be flexible.)
I am an extremely beautiful Cavalier -- and that's also my philosophy of life. Interested?
My picture USED TO BE posted on the blog, but it was recently removed because of complaints from jealous females like your friends.
Look me up in ARCHIVES.
And then look me up.
What's all this about Lulu? She's MY new mama, and I got a bad temper.
Desperate House Dogs is becoming even wilder tan Desperate Housewives.
I think its high time some smart pooch like me capitalizes on all this romancin' going on at the park. I need more milk bones, too. So,
Madame Spirea,
I thought of this business idea too because when I show up at the park with my she guardian and no housemate, Sony-- people just say, Where's Sony or her guardian? They don't even say Hi to me. Guess cuz I'm short. Well, this all gave me a milk bonin' business idea.
To run a Canine Dating Service! At the park. I could match dogs up to dogs and owners and dogs up to other owners and their dogs. If it is a successful match, I get TEN milkbones.
What do you think Madame S.?
I change that to TWENTY milkbones.
Madam Spirea,
How do I get to Lincoln Park? I am willing to do anything, including bite my owner. I yearn to meet Lulu, the Asp, Gracie, Lily, and the rest. I feel my life is incomplete. Please help me!
Snoop!
I'm still your backyard bop, babe, but you NEVER show up in the park. Anyway, you know all about Rockie. As for Tucker -- well, like he said, it was really, really cold out there the other night.
Love, kisses, licks and eternal promises.....Your one and only~
Nestle,
An escort service for dogs? Madame Spirea thinks it's a fine idea! Of course, Madame S. was also an early backer of Sydney Biddle Barrow -- remember her? She gave new meaning to the term "Yankee Ingenuity."
And definitely go for twenty or thirty milk bones, honey. You might even try for peanut butter and Kong balls. Never undersell yourself, kid. It's one of Madame Spirea's mantras.
Fiver,
Sweetie, maybe it's time you tried a horse tranquilizer.
You might also consider posting an ad on one of the doggie dating sites.
You could go on a quest, of course, and spend the rest of your life roaming the countryside, looking for idyllic Lincoln Park. If you're inclined in that direction, first read a little story called Candide, penned by a guy named Voltaire. Trust me, the effort will be worth it.
Frankly, toots, unless you've got the mange, I think a doggie dating site is your best bet.
Madame Spirea has spoken...
There was a spotting of the black pug at Lincoln Park. I think Beau (at least I think thats his name its been a long time)has found his way back to the park.
Better watch it, Rockie. Lulu, Miss Gracie, and the rest of them
might decide to bury you under the volley ball court. You bad!!!!
Yup.
Anon -- Are you talking about Bo (or Beau), Kathy's dog? He's a favorite of mine -- like so many of the boys. But Bo is sort of special. By the way, last night I met Harmony, a hunk of a Boxer, who's the same age I am. We REALLY hit it off. Unfortunately, Harmony (who was born on December 7, the anniversary of the bombing of Pearl Harbor, which makes him a daring Sagittarius), lives in Beavercreek. But he promised to come to the park as often as possible.
GOT THAT, ROCKIE? Oh, excuse me: Got that, DATE DOCTOR?
Miss Gracie and I have determined that you're already a dog who might very well live in infamy!
Rockie,
I so love males with egos. They present a slight challenge. Now let me guess...you've got the usual park puppies lapping up your stuff, hmmm? And they've elected you king? Well, I'm electing myself EMPRESS of Lincoln Park, big fella.
Let me know when you'd like an audience.
Whew! Sounds like things have heated up at the park! Forget starting a Canine Escort or Dating Service, I think I'll be the Park
Dating Arbitrator, getting 30 milkbones for every relationship saved.
BTW, who pronounced Rockie, that once humble, innocent guy, King? And if he's King, then who's the Park Prince and Princess?
Ellie Mae (Gracie) says she is the princess, but Lulu, whose nickname IS Princess, contests. Somebody gave cute little Lolly the title "Super Model"... but Lily insists that particular title has been hers for years. Coco, on the other hand, says she will settle for legally changing her last name to Chanel.
The Asp, who rarely shows up in the park, has declared herself EMPRESS, Sony and Maggie haven't declared themselves anything, but have warned the Asp to clean up her act.
In a phone interview this morning, Hannah said she was so disgusted with the situation, she may resort to eating poop.
Nikita, Zoe, Katie, etc., say they prefer to remain "Ms" -- but Belle will settle for nothing less than "duchess."
Nobody has stepped forward to declare himself the Prince of Lincoln Park, but most of the girls have their money on Paco, who says he would rather be known as the secretary of defense.
You want to sort it out, Rockie?
How come nobody's willing to declare herself Queen?
I will vote for the Asp.
Rock, you dog you!
I'm surprised somebody would be willing to declare themselves "Ps on the bed."
I'm the Dowager Princess
Lily needs to star in her own harness-ripper Cavalier romance!
Cody the Akita can play Fabio!
Gracie and I certainly are aware of that, Rockie, but we all had fun over in the park tonight anyway. Gracie and I also agree that Cody the Akita is a hunk and a half, although we get the impression he likes his treats better than he likes us. He shoved both of us out of the way to get to that box your mommy was holding, which left a bad taste in our mouths....then again, that might have been the goose poop on our little pink tongues~
Cody may be a hunk and a half, but I think Zoe and Sony are where its at in loveliness. And, Spunky, who I liked for his glee is missed by me. BTW, I'm the 'Little Prince' of the parks. Not to be confused with Paco, Prince of Lincoln Park.
Paco is a prince of a dog no matter how you slice it.
What's up with the Asp? I'm a cute puppy myself but I'm not trying to take over anything except for the cat's food bowl.
Madam spirea, how old are you?
Good question. Are you of legal age to be prosticating Madame Spirea?
Question for you anyway, Madame S.:
my brown toy poodle fur has grown long while my guardians have been busy. Now to save time, one mentioned putting dredlocks on my head, while the other mentioned a bow ! yikes. I'm ready to runaway. What is your advice, Madame S. ?
Madame Spirea recently underwent a dewclaw lift, and that's all she's going to say about her age.
Nestle, dreds and a bow? Have you considered joining a gay French gangsta rap group? "Je suis DoggDoggDogg"?
Or you might simply put your paw down and insist upon going to a groomer.
Madame Spirea sees all -- especially when she wears her bifocals.
Ziggy,
I am so sorry that I accidentally erased your post while futzing with the blog. (I also managed to erase one of my own!)I'm glad you're enjoying our silliness, and please stick with us, you hot shepherd, hound, spaniel and wolf combo. Further -- please come back to the park. We lonely little bitches are always thrilled to see an old friend~
Ziggy is part wolf?
Madam Spriea,
My puppy, a golden, won't behave.
She is ten months old, pees in the house and jumps on people. I don't believe in corporal punishment but dont know what elseto do. Cam you forsee her future?
I can foresee your future pretty readily if you don't get your dog into a good puppy training class, or at least resort to a wadded-up newspaper. Your dog needs DISCIPLINE, honey, and considering the way you type -- so do you.
anonymous,
Madame S. is so right on about the training classes! Oh, but not so, about the newspapers. Negative punishment only reinforces negative behaviors and attitudes, simply take pup out at regular intervals, and praise pup a Lot when he/she pees outside. Oh, and remember, all pups like even little treats after doing something right. Yeah for lil milkbones!
Nestle,
Honey, a folded-up newspaper is not a two-by-four -- and no puppy ever suffered a Freudian breakdown because of a timely smack delivered to the rump. The same might be said of some people's children, but that's another story and this is a dog blog.
As for Anon, he or she should receive a sharp bite on the posterior for letting the situation get this far out of paw...
Madame Spirea,
Dogs need to be corrected the way my guardian corrects me: She begs~
I advocate a firing squad for everything.
Try a jar full of coins. It worked when I was a pup.
My nose rubbed in it!!!!!
I am happy to see that Lily hasn't been completely forgotten.
Forget our LILY? Oh, come on, Karen. Not only is she my bestest friend, she's one of our Top Stars.
But her crate mate's awfully cute and deserves equal time, don't you think?
Hmmm. Consider that a rhetorical question, OK, Karen?
You are funny, Lulu, but Lily is sweet and nice and the prettiest dog on your blog. My sister and I enjoy the blog but we WOULD like to see more flattering pictures of Lily. More flattering and MORE.
Karen,
Maybe one of these days soon we'll devote an entire week to nothing but pictures of Lily. Will that make you happy? As for their quality....my Dog! How flattering do you expect them to be? Let's put it this way, Karen, if our little star were human, she'd be Sharon Stone -- NOT Dakota Fanning!
Dakota Fanning is a talented child but my sister and I prefer Lily. We appreciate your suggestion, Lulu, but only one week?
Firbawl should meet Felony.
Ken??? You're back? And you're coherent? Oh, my....
It is me.
Shouldn't that be: It is I?
Come on, Anon -- we're dealing with KEN~
It is me.
It continues to be me.
Are you the "once and future Ken"?
Ken has a future?
I have a interesting past
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