Elf bites! Enjoy our Holiday Story under comments~
posted by LuLu @ 12:42 AM
LuLu's Desperate House Dogs (formerly the Bow Wow Blog)
LuLu's Desperate House Dogs is a blog about an eccentric little Beagle named LuLu, who, along with her sister Sadie (a Whippet/Terrier/Beagle blend), writes the lurid Puppies in Lust series, and absorbs local color in an idyllic, off-the-leash, canine-centered village known as Lincoln Park~
Thursday, December 22, 2005
LuLu's Desperate House Dogs (formerly the Bow Wow Blog)
LuLu's Desperate House Dogs is a blog about an eccentric little Beagle named LuLu, who, along with her sister Sadie (a Whippet/Terrier/Beagle blend), writes the lurid Puppies in Lust series, and absorbs local color in an idyllic, off-the-leash, canine-centered village known as Lincoln Park~
About Me
- Name: LuLu
I am a single five-year-old female Beagle, shown here by myself, while my mix-up of a sister sings the praises of mutts on my blog. Well, let her. I have a most intriguing (one might even say lascivious) past, at least according to my autobiography. In a former lifetime I was Queen Elizabeth the Ist of England, and later on (among others) I was Nell Gwynn, Pauline Borghese, Louise Brooks, and eventually just lovable, neurotic, adorable ME. I have a perfectly charming, albeit very annoying, sister named Sadie. She's rarely plagued by conscience, possibly because she's a Sagittarius. To date she has attempted to steal most of my boyfriends, meaning we're quite used to fighting over bones. Sadie and I are the same age, although she's the adopted one. We do have a fair amount of things in common. For example, she was once Mary Queen of Scots, and later on both Barbara Villiers and Marlene Dietrich. Amazingly we get along -- at least when we're before the public~
Previous Posts
- All the well-dressed onlookers at the Iditarod wil...
- "Let's celebrate! It's the Chinese year of the dog"~
- The Story Thus Far...
- "My name is Belle, my eyes are sea-green, and I pl...
- LuLu flees across Rattlesnake Ridge in our new mys...
- Mindful Maggie pauses to reflect."The Chinese year...
- "What do you mean the relatives are staying HERE o...
- Blog hostess LuLu and new friend Paco enjoy Indian...
- "O, ladie faire, thy ev'ry glance doth light up th...
- Twins! Mollie and Lily take a cavalier attitude to...
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Our apologies to our readers whose postings were on this comments section. We tried to switch the pictures around and lost the comments. OK, OK, so my guardian's not too smart and I'm only a beagle! It's Christmas -- so try to be forgiving.
(Maesh, could you give us that Elf Cocktail recipe again?)
In spite of everything, we hope you will enjoy our new holiday story!
The Midnight Tinkler
By Brenda Bassett
"A tree inside a room? What a curiosity," observed Fiona, a tiny dachshund who had recently been given as a gift to a very young and recently married Queen Victoria of England by one of her favorite ladies-in-waiting.
It was a week before Christmas, in the year 1841, and three well-bred and well-groomed dogs, including Fiona, were sitting in one of the many grand rooms at Windsor Castle observing, with aristocratic insouciance, the arrival of a tall fir tree.
"It's not such a novelty," disputed Dash, the queen's beloved cavalier spaniel. "You're a recent arrival, Fiona, so you're not aware of Her Majesty's traditions. She always celebrates Christmas with a tree. Her grandmother, Queen Charlotte, initiated the custom back in 1800." He raised his tiny head a notch and sniffed the air in a worldly manner meant to infuriate the new dog.
His attitude worked. "How very eccentric," said Fiona, "and will an entire forest be brought in by Twelfth Night? I doubt the royal couple will be the least bit pleased, despite the nonsense you spout."
Eos, the favorite dog of Prince Albert, Victoria's husband and consort, immediately stepped in as peacemaker. Eos was a lovely and gentle greyhound, and Albert had insisted on bringing her to England with him when he left Germany to marry the young queen. She still missed the delicious "wiener curls"* her prince's Bavarian cook used to slip her from time to time, and she also missed her old friends and the countless familiar smells of her homeland; but she loved her master dearly, and after a year spent in England, she was adjusting to her new country -- and even (God willing!) to English food.
Eos was fond of Dash, who was getting old and cranky and all too frequently repeated the well-known story about how the queen herself had hurried home from her coronation in order to give him his scheduled bath.
Dash had never been jealous of Eos; she was Prince Albert's pet and he belonged to Queen Victoria. But Fiona was a different matter. Fiona had been given to the queen but she really belonged to the royal couple. She was their first pet in common. Eos liked her, but Dash felt threatened by her.
"I think the tree will be lovely once it is decorated," said Eos in German, which Dash gleefully translated for the little dachshund. It gave him great pleasure to translate the language most often used by the Saxe-Coburg family into English for a dog whose breed was essentially German. Eos understood English, but she had difficulty speaking the language. She was trying, of course, but her barks came out with the zees and vees in all the wrong places.
"They're going to decorate the tree?" asked Fiona, rolling her pretty chocolate-colored eyes. "What's wrong with the way God made it?"
"Philistine!" yapped Dash, who rose and trotted off to further investigate the placement of the large tree for himself.
Fiona bristled. "That dog is impossible!" she complained to Eos. "He thinks he's the consort instead of Prince Albert. I can't understand why anybody puts up with him." And she marched off on her stubby legs in the opposite direction.
"Mein Gott in Himmel!" said Eos under her breath. What a fine Christmas this was turning into. There certainly ws no peace amongst the royal canine favorites at Windsor!
Eos was up early the next morning. She was usually up early, forshe put great faith in the old German saying: "The morning has gold in its mouth." Dash, by contrast, liked to sleep late, and Fiona showed every sign of becoming a slug-a-bed. She met Prince Albert while he was enjoying what he liked to call his "little breakfast," as opposed to the main event.
"Ah, Eos, my good dog," he said, and stroked her sleek neck, before slipping her a sweet biscuit. Eos loved her prince very much, and she wished that she could unburden herself to him. She had not slept well the night before; throughout the night she had repeatedly been awakened by the strange sound of whimpering coming from somewhere close by the private closet where she was permitted to sleep on cold nights. Eos knew that Windsor was an ancient castle, which meant it was filled with ghosts and goblins, and this made her very uneasy.
Prince Albert had a busy morning scheduled, so instead of her master, one of the footmen took Eos for her morning run about the grounds. It was a fresh, cold morning, and she felt exhilarated by the time she went back inside and met up with Dash and Fiona over their food bowls.
"Something is vastly amiss," Dash confided to Eos in German. "Two appalling puddles of doggie wee-wee were discovered underneath the Christmas tree this morning," and he glanced meaningfully at Fiona, who looked up from her bowl and growled.
"I know what you're telling her, Dash. You want to accuse me of making the mess under the tree!" She turned to Eos. "I can't imagine how anyone could ever believe I would do such a revolting thing. I am much too well bred, but I heard the servants talking. I heard them mention my name!"
She looked frightened.
"Ach! I uhm zure nozing vill kum of der motter," Eos attempted to soothe her. "Mebbe zum vater got spilt vrum a was?"
"Ha!" barked Dash. "I have a nose, do I not? That was not water from any vase!"
Fiona hung her head. "I never even went near the tree!" she protested, but soon gave up, abandoned her food bowl, and crept away.
Eos switched to her native tongue. "Why are you so cruel to her?" she asked Dash. "Her Majesty is not going to love you any less because a new pet has been introduced to the household."
"If the bitch is soiling the carpet, she will have to go," the cavalier replied mercilessly, "and that is all there is to it."
Later in the day Eos watch as the Christmas tree was secured in place with ropes that were stretched along the carpet. Then a large white cloth was placed around the bottom of the tree, covering up the soiled spots.
Again that night Eos heard the sound of whimpering, and in the morning Dash was by himself at his food bowl. "Fiona is in the kennel with the outside dogs," he informed her cheerfully. "She did it again, it would seem. Prince Albert has been informed." He wagged his feathery tail. "I imagine it won't be long before she's banished from court forever."
Immediately after breakfast Eos went to find Fiona.
"I swear I'm innocent," the downcast dachshund insisted. "I don't know who is piddling on the carpet under the royal Christmas tree. Maybe it's one of the footmen! But I am not at fault."
Eos believed her and was pleased when the little dog was given a second chance and allowed to return to the castle later in the day.
That night she heard the whimpering again, and this time she crawled from her bed, slipped out of her warm closet, and found herself inching her way down a cold and drafty hallway, in search of she knew not what.
Windsor was a large castle with all sorts of hidden passages and unexpected nooks and crannies. It was in one of these crannies that Eos finally discovered what she had been searching for.
"Wot's yer doin'?" yelped a tiny puppy whose long, curly hair was as black as the midnight hour. "Let up!"
But Eos hauled him from out behind a broken panel by the scruff of his neck. "You're certainly no ghost," she said in German, while the puppy eyed her nervously and shivered for effect, "but you might be a goblin."
"Wot's yer say?" he asked. "Yer speaks gib'rish."
So, Eos realized, did the puppy. "Ver are you vrom?" she asked. When she got no reply, she patiently tried again.
The puppy finally understood her. "Oim 'ere from London," he said. "Name o' Wally an' I come in a cart. Wants to travel, I does. Wants to see the queen."
"Vants to piddle on der rug," accused Eos. "Vally, you commin vit me."
The puppy looked ready to blot and run, but a stern glance from Eos gave him pause. "I vill not hurt you," she promised. "But you commin!"
The two of them made their way down yet another long hallway and at last came to the room where the Christmas tree stood. "Der zene of der crime," said Eos, then hurriedly scooted the puppy behind a marble statue depicting a gazelle in flight. A streak of moonlight showed something moving slowly across the room toward the Christmas tree.
Eos couldn't believe her eyes. It was Dash! Dash, Queen Victoria's own beloved pet -- and as she watched in horror and dismay, the little cavalier lifted his leg beneath the tree.
"Vally, vollow me again," Eos commanded in a stern whisper, and she marched the puppy back to her well-appointed closet.
"'Ere, this is 'eaven!" declared the pup, who unceremoniously hopped into her warm bed, curled up in a tiny ball, and instantly fell asleep.
Eos was about to protest, but something made her relent. As she gazed down at the little mongrel pup, she realized how very much she wanted to be a mother. Unfortunately, the royal couple would not permit their pets to be bred; it offended royal sensibility. So Eos' wish could never be fulfilled.
Or maybe it could be.
The gentle dog felt genuine love as she sat watching the puppy sleep. She also felt a plan brewing in her brain.
Eos laid her head down next to Wally's, closed her eyes, and dreamed on Christmas week about a mother and child, and of a disgraced dachshund -- and of a very naughty cavalier.
On Christmas Eve, Eos learned that Fiona was to be sent away for good. The carpet beneath the Christmas tree had been soaked through thrice, and Prince Albert, despite his great love for animals, had been heard to say that he was completely disgusted.
When the moon rose and the stars came out, the candles on the beautiful Christmas tree were lighted. Eos admired the exquisite blown glass ornaments the prince had brought from their homeland, and she sniffed at the sweetmeats and gingerbread men which also dangled from the boughs. Beneath the tree were stacks of presents wrapped in gaily colored paper.
Behind one of the presents was a genuine suprise.
"You know vat you 'af to do, Vally?"
"Yep, yep," came the reply. "I got it."
The queen and Prince Albert entered the room in the company of their friends and family members.
Dash trailed after them, looking smug.
"Oh!" cried Victoria, clasping her hands. "It's the most beautiful tree I've ever seen."
"Now!" Eos commanded.
"ARF!" barked Wally, leaping out from behind the tree. He frantically wagged his tail, then stood up on his hind legs and did a little dance.
"Oh!" cried the queen again. "A puppy!"
Her husband raised his eyebrows. "Indeed -- a puppy. How long has he been here?" the prince wanted to know.
But none of the servants could answer his question.
"I think," said the prince finally, "that our poor dog Fiona may have been falsely accused after all, and since it is Christmas Eve, I suggest she deserves another chance."
"And we will keep the puppy and have him properly trained, will we not, my dear?" asked his delighted wife, who by then had Wally in her arms, where he was sniffing curiously at a priceless diamond bracelet.
The prince scratched the puppy's curly head. "Yes, we will keep him," he promised. "After all, he is a Christmas present."
Eos wagged her tail and approached Dash, whose face was set in stone.
"It is time for the Midnight Tinkler to retire, I think," she told him. "Now go and greet your new son."
"That Cockney mongrel?" Dash was horrified.
"No," said Eos, "that Christmas present!" And she licked him on the nose.
Brenda Bassett continues:
We hope you have enjoyed reading our holiday story.
Queen Victoria and her husband, Prince Albert, truly were wild about animals. They had hundreds of pets during their life together; Eos the greyhound and Dash the cavalier spaniel were real. Wally and Fiona are fictional characters.
Albert loved his dog Eos so much that his wife suprised him with a portrait of the greyhound (done by the famous artist Sir Edwin Landseer) on Christmas Eve, 1841.
The story about the queen running back from her coronation to bathe her dog Dash is also based on fact.
Finally...
*wiener curls...supposedly Eos' hometown in Bavaria prides itself on the "invention" of the hot dog!
Happy Holidays~
Didn't Victoria marry a servant or something late in life? This period of history is fascinating for me. Thank you.
Margaret,
Queen Victoria never married again after the death of her beloved husband Prince Albert.
But she did hang out with a Scottie~
R u saying Mr. Brown was a dog?
No, but he was a Scotsman, and he became a great friend of QV. I find it more interesting that QV eventually became an internationally known breeder of Pomeranians. She and Prince Albert really were crazy about canines; the current queen, with her little army of corgis, seems to be a chip off the old block, or a knot on the same leash.
Lily, the blog belongs to you. I love your pictures and I'm feeling much better. Tell Lulu.
ELF TEA FOR NEW YEARS
Try not to lose this one!
1 1/2 oz. creme de menthe
1 1/2 oz. cinnamon schnapps
1 oz. cream
Mix and pour over ice. Sprinkle with cinnamon to taste.
Happy new year!
Karen,
I'm so glad you're feeling better. My bestest friend ever would be at her wit's end if something untoward happened to the president of her fan club~
Does Lily have a fan club? If she does, my sister and I want to join it. We will join yours also, Lulu, except that Lily is sweet, but you have a sarcastic tendency.
Naw, Karen, that's my evil twin UlUl. I don't have a sarcastic side; I'm just naturally as sweet as a lemon in a bottle of brine.
Anyway, I really have only nice things to say about Lily. I've known her since I was a tiny puppy, and we're practically family. She's like a sister to me -- granted, a much OLDER sister, but a sister all the same~
ULUL?
Isn't that the name of a novel by Joseph Conrad?
Actually it's a city in the Caroline Islands...and will probably also be the name of Gwyneth Paltrow's next kid.
Lyli, have you changed the spelling of your name?
Happy new year, you fun-faced mutts!
Hi Karen, its me Lily. No, I was just making fun of Lulu (giggle)
Are you Sirius?
What the poop bag is a fun-faced mutt?
Lyli,
I kind of like the new spelling of your name. Very chic, sister mine.
I know my guardian likes to call you "Yilyee" sometimes. (She is SO weird!)But maybe we can be UlUl and Yilyee and start making movies where we get to bark in subtitles~
hephy new yhh.
Puppy new year. What a nice thought.
Lily you are so pretty and I can tell your owner loves you very much. I cried.
Dear Lulu,
Your feline friends Charlie Chaplin, Ringo, Carmen Kitten and Lola would like to wish you and yours THE VERY BEST in the new year.
Here are some New Year's resolutions you might like to try that are guaranteed to get you some treats! Stay out of trouble, be nice to Momma, and don't give GW any grief.
With love, The Profitt Gang
Thank you, everybody (including Ken), for your New Year's wishes and comments. Lyli (or Lily) and I thank you, UlUl thanks you. I'm sure that Rockie, that-incredible-hunk-of-dog-flesh-who-ought-to-be-back-home-sometime-in-the-next-few-days, would thank you. We love our readers, viewers, posters -- whatever you want to call yourselves, and wish all of you the best in 2006~
Oh, yeah. My guardian also thanks you.
Blog hostess LuLu just got a bath. We went to the park and she rolled in goose poop.
Not cool.
What is it about dogs and goose poop?
Anyway, LuLu sweetheart, thanks for mentioning me on your blog.
Oh,no! And I can't do a thing with my hair because of that awful bath yesterday!
I'll bet Gracie's already been to the grooming parlor!
Sob.
I insist they are kissing!
Well, maybe they are, Anon. This cute picture has been in several other publications -- but we got it first, and we're pretty proud of ourselves~
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My sister thought she saw Lily on the cover of a magazine at Albertson's. I love that picture.
(Sorry, Karen. We're having some techincal difficulties.)
Technical difficulties? Are you at it again, LuLu?
No, it's my guardian. She's forever screwing around with my blog and deleting messages by mistake. We are having some technical difficulties, however, so I'm asking my legion of fans to hang in there.
Lily's legion of fans, too~
Don't I have a legion of fans too?
Spencer, you get my vote, kid.
What an adorable picture!
:)
Thanks, Starbender, my Uncle Mike is our photographer, and we think he does a great job. By the way, you've got quite a site and I love some of your pix. You see, I'm very discerning for a beagle~
Hot News Update -- I ran into Rockie in the park when my hair looked good and I had my new leash on. I call it my new leash on life~
O, dear, what a day. I woke up with a bad stomachache and threw up all over my guardian's bestest rug. For some reason she rushed me to the ER -- and the next thing I knew, I was getting my stomach poked and prodded, and then I got a couple of painful injections. Shudder. The doctor wrote something about: "A history of dietary indiscretion" down on a piece of paper. Well! I'll admit to having eclectic tastes -- but really!!!! Anyway, I'm not allowed to have any food, water, or FUN for the next 12 awful hours. I'm suffering from gastritis/enteritis...but let's just tell Rockie it's enteritis.
There's something about gastritis that doesn't sound very romantic.
Hopefully, this too shall pass~
The reason I took LuLu to the ER this morning is because she was throwing up what looked like blood.
Granted, it might have been the juice from the red berries she wolfed down in the park the other day -- or some residue from the rawhide stick she fished out of my pocket -- but I wanted to be sure.
And I'm writing about the rawhide sticks. According to the veterinarian we saw, it might not be a good idea to let dogs have rawhide. I started using it recently as a training lure. LuLu loved it, but two weeks into her new training program, she started throwing up.
As said, it might have been the red berries -- but it pays to be careful, especially with a dog like LuLu, a beagle -- a breed whose dietary "indiscretions" are almost legendary!
lulu girl, you need to clean up your act.
she needs to stop cleaning her plate.
What do you want from me -- a case of rabies?
Lulu, I see in another message that you feel your friends have deserted you. Please don't feel like that. I like Lily very much because she seems so nice and sweet but I know you have many good points of your own. Don't be depressed and dont be mad at Lily. Bad things happen before the sun comes out.
Why, thanks, Karen, but I'm OK -- honest! Like every mammal, I get depressed from time to time, but it's nothing a lean piece of beef can't cure. Today, in fact, I managed to get in touch with my inner self by eating the cats' food. YUM! I also swiped half a sausage off my guardian's breakfast plate. When my guardian took me over to the park, I wolfed down what looked and tasted like the remains of an old bagel. So I'm feeling much, much, much, much better.
But I bet Lily isn't. She went to the grooming parlor this afternoon, and it's been raining cats and ferrets. Poor Lily! Her curly hair must be a mess! Don't you feel just awful for her?
Lulu, you are such a smkartypants!
Oops, sorry everybody, I spelled smartypants wrong. I don't want you to think I'm Ken
Fat chance!
Lily,
You forget, I don't wear pants. Neither do you. We're dogs. Well, the two cutest bitches in Lincoln Park (along with Gracie and Maggie), but dogs just the same.
Anyway, I honestly hope your pretty coat didn't kink.
See? I can play nice~
PS: Rockie, did you read that? I don't wear pants.....
Hi, lulu, we're a wolf pack living near Billings, Montana and we think your cool and then some. Do you have pictures of you in pants?
You guys certain you're not Ken's dogs, Felony and Carlot? I'm not sure I like being pursued by wolves. It might even be a little too kinky for ME~
Turens out shes used Carlota.
Get help, Ken.
Meanwhile, I would like to announce with tail-wagging glee that Rockie and I are engaged.
Tethered? Leash-locked? Whatever.
We kissed on Thursday afternoon, and since we're both neutered, a kiss is still a kiss, if you get my meaning. Anyway, we used our tongues, and I understand (from reading my guardian's crumbling diaries from the 1970s) that a tongue kiss is much more serious than a buss on the lips, nose rubbing, or stick fetching. So, ALL, I am hot-dog Rockie's A-babe...at least until Gracie sees the groomer next month.
(He really does like me best, though~)
And I wonder, if you crossed a beagle and a Lab, what would you call the puppies?
Beagle-Labrador: Adorable Garble.
how about Blabadore?
Boo-yah! Those puppies would be upsiders on the kadivers!
But Rockie and I can't have puppies and maybe it's just as well, since I'm not too sure I really like being engaged all that much. The Big R. has been acting woefully indifferent of late, and I don't get it. Now don't misunderstand me. I'm not looking for a dog who'll do a Tom-Cruise-on-the-couch routine whenever he catches my scent, but I would like him to at least acknowledge my existence.
Sigh. I have panted after Rockie for months and months, and now I'm starting to have erotic fantasies about the AKC/Eukanuba national champion, Knotty the bloodhound.
Double sigh. What's a poor little bitch to do?
WOOF! WOOF!
Signed, An Unnamed Celebrity
Bloodhound
Please, please, please! Only frontal pictures of Lily! Like this one.
shes having puppioes.
What's a puppioe
In the Fifties I hear there were "Daddy-o-s"~
In the fifties there were capeezios and the dominoes.how old is your guardian, lulu? You are too young to remember.
Dear Anon,
My guardian is older than the bird dung on the temple of Anubis. I mean, she is OLD. Then again, I'm working in dog years here~
Guess who's not getting any little bites of breakfast sausage tomorrow?
It figures!!!!
She is haivng young.
Oh Rockie. . . did your mom figure out a way to bring home your "mirrored" image of yourself? That might be fun.
Once when I was a pup, I came across a dog like me in my house and when I barked at it, it barked back at the same time! So, I stayed away from there.
Rockie,
Miss Gracie and I took a walk together in the park last night to bemoan the fact we both love a dog who has a Narcissus complex. And we have this to say: Try getting your reflection to fetch sticks!!!
Nestle,
YOUR approach to your reflection in the looking glass sounds eminently sensible.
Ken,
What exactly is your first language?
american.
I was wonderin' with Valentine's Day coming up, will Lulu be proposing to Rockie? And will Spencer and Lily be smooching again without their Christmas hats on? This is the stuff I can only dream of at my age.
This is more like it.
Karen,
I'm guessing you mean the new lead-in picture of Lily? Well, you asked for "frontal" and this is about as frontal as it gets...for a dog~
Nestle,
Rockie and I are more likely to have a long engagement. After all, I want to make sure I don't pull the short stick~
Hmmm. Make that the short END of the stick.
LuLu is tired tonight~
Lulu, I forgot that you and Rockie were already engaged. Are you planning to have the wedding at Fraze with a carriage and all? I've seen those before at Fraze where the married couple is whisked away.
You could have lots of sticks tied to the back ! And Rockie would look great in a tux. Mike could be the wedding photographer.
The rest of us canines could 'sing' at your wedding. If you like rock or harmony, we could call ourselves the "Rock 'a Beagles" ? Or, the 'Rockie-ing Beagles Harmony Quartet?"
No, I'm not on doggie drugs. I just like weddings. They're sooo romantic.
Gee, Nes, that does sound like fun. I like weddings, too. Maybe Miss Gracie could sing "O, Promise to Bite Me," and Bandit could bark out an updated version of "Big Bitch Baby On Cadillac Wheels."
But I dunno. I saw Rockie this morning and he told me he loved me, but he told Miss Gracie the same ARF thing the other night. Here's a guy who likes to gaze into mirrors for long periods of time, and who's really, really into his mother.
We have sticks in common.
For now, it's fun just being engaged to the big hunk...but in my heart of hearts, I'm looking for an outlaw~
In that case Lulu, what about Felony?
Paco the Police Dog sighting...Wednesday evening...Lincoln Park.
What a dog! "Are you really engaged to Rockie?" he asked me, as we stood snout to snout, and those intelligent dark eyes burned into my own. "Well," I dithered. "Well...."
"Damn," he said, "that's just what Gracie told me."
Grrr. Gracie sweetie, we need to sit down and have a heart-to-heart bark. I have a feeling Rockie may be gnawing sticks with both of us!
Nes,
Felony?
Isn't Felony having puppies?
Carlot.
Duchess honey,
That bad boy is all yours. Rather, he's yours until the next panting little tail-wagger comes along and fetches a few sticks for him. Rockie and I WERE engaged, but he's put enough horns on me in the past few weeks to make me feel like the brass section of an orchestra. I'll let Miss Gracie and the rest of the Lincoln Park bitches know he's still adding to the harem. Kisses and licks~
Almost overlooked you, Ken. Carlota is the one who's preggers? But I thought Felony was also a girl.
Oh, well. With you, anything is possible.
That Rockie! Sounds like it might be time for Jerry Springer Spaniel.
Rockie, you ARE making up for lost time. I think you should be the centerfold for Canine Hunk of the Year magazine.
And Lulu, I'm thinkin Felony is a boy dog; so, if you're looking for an "outlaw" dog, maybe Felony's just the one for you (?).
If only I was younger. In my glory days. In my own little hunk days when I could fit into my Harley-Davidson outfit, hat, jacket and chains. Oh well. . .
You w ere into the mojo nes. You should link up with lulu.
Well, Lulu did say she was "looking" for a romance with an outlaw now and at one time I really did have a Harley Davidson outfit. I outgrew it though ( thank heavens).
Rockie, well. . . it seems girl dogs everywhere even at other parks are swooning over him. I think he's playing hard to get. Or just likes to make 'em all jealous.
Either way, I say. . .way to go Rockie, ole boy !! Sow your hay while you can.
Oh, Rockie's a hot dog all right, but he's putting the screws to a bitch who's the pinup girl for a pack of wolves.
Truthfully, I bear him no ill will, but I get to keep his balls.
By that I mean the little Christmas ball he gave me and the rubber ball I playfully swiped from him in the park last summer.
What else would I mean?
Certainly not on Canine Royale Caribbean ! We wouldn't want to 'lose' Rockie on his honeymoon!
Duchess honey,
You are truly living in a dream world. Miss Gracie and I met Rockie in OUR park tonight and bitch slapped him halfway across it. According to the hunk -- and to his mom -- he's never even been to Delco Park. Him I question...HER I believe.
In other words, we don't know who it is you've been hanging out with, but it ain't our bubby, babe.
Oh, just for the fun of it, Gracie told me to ask you where his mole is......
Duchess,
You don't know where the mole is, do you? And Rockie's mom never lets him out on is own -- but nice try.
Miss Gracie and I plan to have ROCKEE! shirts made up for all his little groupies. Would you like us to send you one?
Royal Canine Caribbean? Maybe you, Miss Gracie and I could take the cruise~
Lulu and 'Duchess',
I don't want to butt in this duchess -'delco' affair, but I thought Rockie's mom said that Rockie's favorite cookies are animal crackers. Maybe this alleged "Duchess" just wants to get your dander up (so to speak), Lulu.
BTW, I'd love to go on a Royale Canine Caribbean Cruise with you and Gracie, Lulu ! But, RC doesn't have a great rep. right now for making it back to port with all its male passengers still onboard. And I would miss my daily Fraze walks.
Very perceptive, Nestle. We Corgis also tend to be landlubbers. Duchess, want to come to Michigan?
Duchess,
I just saw Rockie over in the park, and he confessed his lust for oatmeal cookies. (I'm pretty fond of those myself.) Nestle, he also professed an unswerving love for animal crackers. So where does his heart lie? Evidently in the bakery goods aisle of the nearest supermarket!
Another bitch I can compete with..but not with the major food chains. Sigh.
Hey, Nes, if we went on a cruise, do you suppose we'd meet up with some pirates? And I don't mean the ones from Pittsburgh~
That sounds like fun. To meet and BE swashbuckling canine pirates ! I could put a patch over one eye and tape a sword on my side. Maybe a few macho poochie pirates would help your yearning for outlaws, Lulu??
Hmm. I wonder if there are female canine pirates?
oh , my she guardian wants to know is Johnny Depp could come?
we got evicsted.
OOOO, SWEET, Nestle. Captain Jack with all his rings and gold chains. I love the idea! But I understand that Captain Jack, in real life instead of reel life, is a heavy smoker, which is too much for me even surrounded by fresh sea air.
However, I'll bet you're one kinky French poodle with that patch over one eye. Besides, I've always wanted to make somebody walk the plank~
How do you do it, man?
I too have a lascivious past. It's the fish guts.
Duchess,
Oh, puppy poop! The last time Rockie tried his paw in the kitchen, he wound up covered in flour -- and he's allergic to rawhide. You may be dating a hot dog named Rockie, but he's not our luscious Lab, luv. (And no mole into the bargain? You ARE barking up the wrong tree at the wrong squirrel.)
Enjoy your honeymoon, Duchy. Nobody WE know will be accompanying you~
What about Ken?
Poor Ken said they got evicted!
Rockie,
You do seem to have that animal magnetism. whew! And I hate to tell the ladies, but right now, I'm not sure you're ready to commit. (?)
I may be little, but I had fun at Fraze MANY years ago long before any of the current dogs were even born. Still do with my housemate.
Poor Ken said they got evicted!
Rockie,
You do seem to have that animal magnetism. whew! And I hate to tell the ladies, but right now, I'm not sure you're ready to commit. (?)
I may be little, but I had fun at Fraze MANY years ago long before any of the current dogs were even born. Still do with my housemate.
This mouse is out of control. It double-clicked before I could sign in above.
Anyway. . .
As far as this 'Duchess', I think she is a figment of her own imagination. But, if she is real and loves ROCKIE as much as Gracie and Lulu do, then why doesn't she want to go romping thru cornfields in Iowa for a honeymoon?
You girls don't know the meaning of a Fine Romance.
Oh Duchess, as much as I looove a good relationship, your 'romantic' dribble is even getting to me. Are you two taking it slooooow? Cookies, sticks. . .where's the meat?
Wow, Duchess, you sound like a canine version of June Cleaver. Happily for all concerned, Rockie's not planning a move back to Iowa in the near future -- meanwhile, Gracie and I agree that it would be such funsies if the three of us could meet somewhere and gnaw on a bone together. We might even become friends. "Better the devil you know"...as they say~
Nestle, you are such an adorable little Sigmund Freud -- and you have a way of putting your paw right on, well, right on the MEAT of the matter~
Ken and Felony got evicted?
Well Lulu you've tossed out the ring to Duchess, lets see if she picks up on the invite? And may the best bitch win.
(gee, I hope my she guardian doesn't see that word I used. She doesn't like it.)
BTW, if she's a 'Duchess' does this mean if she and Rockie get hitched, he'll be a 'Duke'? Hmm. Rockie--
Duke of Fraze. Doesn't sound right. Maybe, Duke of Iowa?
Anyway, sounds like you and Gracie need to be making some moves. Rockie DOES like cookies and you know the best way to a man's heart. . .
Yeah ken said they got evicted. Where might they be? Hope they're OK esp. with Carlota carrying babies.
Nestle,
How about Duke of Lincoln...for Lincoln Park? Then, let's face it, all Rockie needs is a title, right?
I am not too worried about Duchess. I have officially broken off my engagement to the Rockman, but not because of her. I am curious as to the identity of Paco's new friend. Jeesh! You get interested in a male and five minutes later you discover that some bitch (no disrespect meant) has already hot-pawed it to his door with a grooming parlor "do" ... a pile of sticks...and a box of biscuits.
It's a jungle out there, babe~
We haven't heard from Ken lately. Maybe his computer got confiscated?
More than likely Ken got confiscated.
Poor Felony and Carlota! But when's the last time we heard from Ken?
Lulu,
You don't think that Duchess chick has been making cookies for Paco too, do you? Surely, she wouldn't two time Rockie (or would she?)
As far as Ken I didn't think he was serious; but, then he hasn't written for awhile. If he really did get evicted, he must have been in the doghouse with someone (so to speak).
Lulu,
I know what you mean about rejection.
Tonight I wanted to be around Paco a little bit since I like big dogs, but I couldn't even get close enough to sniff his butt.
As everyone said, he's too big for me to be around.
But soon I'm going to sneak to the groomers and get a real manly cut and go to another park and see if I can up pick some chick dog. Want to go with me Lulu? We can run away for a day and check out the scenery elsewhere. Our guardians won't even know.
Nestle, I would caution you to avoid girls who like goose poop.
hmm Never thought about that, good advice. But Lulu or the young ones, have no interest in a "mature"-aged dog like me anyway. They're too busy runnin' around in circles; playing with sticks, baking cookies, and rolling in flour and goose poop; whereas, an older man dog like me is looking for the "meat" and a little romance.
Gee, where IS Ken?
Nestle,
Well, I like you and think you're cute, but you're right about me being young. Paco and Rockie, you see, are right around the same age I am -- and we are into that stick-gathering, poop-rolling, round-and round-in-circles thing. I'm also very fond of Spencer; in fact we were lovers in another lifetime. But he's seven years old (more than forty in new dog years!)I'm only a year and a half! Which means I'm around 18 or 20 in new dog years.
And you know what 20-year-old humans are like. I think I'm MUCH better than that~
While we're on the subject, it wouldn't hurt Punkin to remember how young I am...and maybe cut me some slack -- huh, sailor?
You're a sweetheart, Nestle. Kisses and licks~
Just my luck.
Duchess honey,
It seems to me that you've been kissing and telling all over the place. Meanwhile, Rockie still insists he doesn't know you.
How about we set up a little contest? Miss Gracie and I will meet you in the park sometime this weekend. Our handsome hunk will be there with a box of Special Treat doggie biscuits -- and he will paw over the prize (just like that Greek guy who got into so much trouble in ancient times)to the fairest of us all.
That ought to settle the matter nicely and neatly -- and bloodlessly. Now, do you have a favorite ST flavor?
Love, LuLu~
Oh Lulu give Rockie the choice of a special treat prize, and it might just be a pound of flour.
we are all rite.
Happy to hear it, Ken, and we hope you're not currently living with that wolf pack out around Billings, Montana~
GO STEELERS!!!!!!!
SEAHAWKS FOR EVER!!!!!!!!!
I'm with you mariposa.
Go Seahawks! Show the Steelers how to win games without destroying the other team's QB or best player.
Actually though,
I'm just waiting for all the good food. mmm.
Steelers! I like to watch birds in flight.
I sure liked it when the lil pony pulled that big beer wagon. Us lil guys gotta think big sometimes.
My sheepherding (by ancestory) housemate, of course, liked the streaking sheep.
One last thing before my guardian makes me go to bed:
If any of you watched the Superbowl and thought there was some rough play or miscalls, you should've seen the Puppy and Kitty Bowls on Animal Planet !
Now, THERE, was some rough, free-for-all-playin! And no refs to call ANY penalties.
I'm glad too that you're back and OK Ken, whoever you are.
I loved the little horse who could! And that Fabio ad was a bark. He looked older than my guardian without her makeup. I didn't think it was funny that so many humans were hitting each other, though. I think we dogs are a lot more civilized.
You watched the Super Bowl, LuLu?
I am surprised.
Sounds like many dogs and their guardians watched it -- maybe for the ads and to see the musical performances.
BUT, I can't believe no one watched the two BIG Bowls. The main attraction for the day while that 'other' one was on.
The Puppy Bowl and the Kitty Bowl. They bit. They scratched. They stole others footballs. They did some mean, ROUGH tackling. AND, they loooved to croon into the cameras! Yep, just like that other bowl.
Nestle, my mommy taped the Puppy Bowl and we are going towatch it later
Why wouldn't I watch the Super Bowl, Punkin? I mean, the halftime entertainment was a real dog.
Nestle, I should've watched the Puppy Bowl instead. I read about it online and thought my guardian had -- but evidently her head was in the clouds again. Do you know that something like TWO MILLION people tuned in to the Puppy Bowl last year? Bet a lot of dogs watched it, too~
Is Natasha your real Owner?
Oops not to interfere with anonymous' question.
But, lily
I'm glad your mommy taped THE bowl. It had little Rockies, little Gracies, one like me, many little Lulu's, and a little Maggie. I just don't remember a little Lily. That was a mistake I think as a little Lily would have added a lot.
And Lulu can you believe it-- they had no sticks! It was all stuffed toys and footballs. I think someone should write to them and tell them that sticks is where its at.
Nestle,
There are others like ME? And all my life I've thought I was one of a kind. Then again, I've also heard that BEAGLES RULE.
But no sticks? How can you have a party without sticks?
As for your question, Anon -- no, Natasha Bradford (our mystery story heroine) is not my REAL guardian -- alas, alas, alas.
My real guardian is a very cruel person who treats me like Cinderella. Would you believe she locked me in my crate tonight and let me stew until 5:30 -- way after all of my friends, like Rockie and Paco, and Spencer, and Nestle walked in the park. My offense? I jumped on the cat!
Can you believe it? She ruined all my fun and kept me away from the Waggin' Train because I jumped on the stupid cat!
Lily, you're my bestest friend, even if you are another female.
Don't you think my guardian is mean and horrid? Wouldn't you like it if I moved in with you and Spencer? Tell Aunt Lynda and Uncle Mike that I'm WRETCHEDLY unhappy.
Also tell them I like cottage cheese, beef jerky, and I want immediate dibs on the couch~
Hi Lulu, Its me Lily. I would love for you to come live with me but there isn't enough room on Mommie's lap.
Lily,
It's OK. I know how much Spencer resents me, and it breaks my heart, considering we were lovers in another lifetime, but there you are. Don't give it another thought.
You know, there are days when I feel like absolutely NOBODY LOVES ME AT ALL AND I'M ALL ALONE IN THE WORLD.
Sign me: Beautiful but despairing beagle.
Beautiful but Despairing,
How would you like a sausage for breakfast?
Lily,
Forget I said anything~
I picture you as more of a Hounds and Hares girl, Lulu.
Punkin,
Actually, I'm more of a cats and rabbits kind of girl. But I consider watching a herd of handsome human males run across a field in really tight trousers a serious eye-biscuit treat.
Besides, I love to watch the Super Bowl ads. The ones featuring animals are always the best~
Cat lovers! Cat lovers! Cat lovers!
For wonderful cat accessories (for people!) check out this site:
http://www.cafepress.com/mommacatdesigns.
OK, Firbawl....happy at last?
Oh my! Cats! "Fur ball" is right. That's all they're good for because we all know 'Dogs Rule'.
But they can go to this website and get all fancied up because Royal Caribbean Cruise just announced a GIANT cruiseship. I think we should ALL stowaway. You stick chewers can enjoy romantic nights under the stars chewing sticks by candlelight while the furballs stay in steerage. he he
Lulu, a short trip to Michigan could leave you feeling lots better.
Where in Michigan, Fiver?
No self-respecting cat would get aboard a cruise ship. Wait a minute! RATS flee sinking ships, no? Yummy! Free snacks! LOL.
Lulu and Lulu's guardian,
Are you on-line to this blog? Check your email as its signed, sealed, delivered.
Anonymous,
I forgot, besides tossing up hairballs, cats are good for one other thing -- eating the filthiest things around --rats. yuck! Give me Filet mignon, anyday.
Do you know where Traverse City is, Punkin?
Isn't Hell in Michigan?
The cherry capital!
Hell is the cherry capital?
Isn't it intriguing how a ripple in the water turns into a wave?
Hell isn't the cherry capital?
Lulu,
Traverse City is the cherry capital, but Hell is in Michigan. If you would come for a visit, we could add Heaven.
Oh, Fiver, you are so sweet. I'm impressed! Meaning that perhaps I will visit you in Michigan...when the cherry blossoms bloom again.
(They do bloom, don't they?)And the swallows come back to Capistrano...the buzzards return to Hinckley...there will be LuLu, snoring contentedly on your couch~
Why, Rockie,
Is this your way of asking me to visit you when you return to Iowa?
Dear me~ My paws are all aflutter~
Two proposals at once. Tell me, O, stick-chaser of my dreams, what's YOUR couch back home like?
Rockie,
You going back home to Iowa? Or was Lulu just referring to your guardian's spring break?
Lulu,
You are more capricious than Mother Nature. LOL.
Oh, Punkin, you're just mad because I turned you down. As for you, Rockie, we did break sticks, plight our troth, and vow to sniff only each other a few months back --before I broke off the engagement! I still think you're cute, though, but hope Duchess (if she exists) realizes what a tail-chaser you are. Now, what are you getting me for Valentine's Day?
Run, Rockie, run, run, run.
Thanks, Punkin. Tomorrow is Valentine's Day. Frankly, sailor, I hope you get swallowed by a whale.
Miss Gracie and I both made out with Tanner the cur-dog/beagle mix in the park tonight. WHAT A DOG!
Be sure to give Duchess our love, Rockie~
Hey Rockie,
When my guardian moves, she'll be close to that park where Duchess said she met you and fell in love.
I might be going for walks there too, so I wonder if this Duchess might be attracted to a handsome, older guy. Even though I am short.
hoeppy valentines day from fellony and carlot and puppys.
Ken! We wondered what happened to you. Felony had her puppies?
Wasn't it Carlota?
Carlotta is a female? Then again, with Ken, maybe it doesn't matter.
Its carlot.
So Carlota had puppies? Is Felony a male, then? Oh, kennel-hell. Why am I even asking these questions?
carlot is agril and had pupps.
What has she grilled, Ken?
Ken, a simple question: Carlotta = Mother; Felony = Father. Result = Puppies. Yes or no?
no.
Thanks, Ken. Good explanation.
you didnt ask me to explane.
How many puppies are there, Ken?
ken, how do you tell the plane ones? do they get frequent pooper miles?
we have got fore pupps.
lol. Is that anything like forewarned?
What about the aft ones, Ken? Arf.
Why do I bother? You're strange, Ken, as in sociopathic dogcatcher strange. And I figure you're either really smart and seriously putting us on -- or Forrest Gump was Marilyn vos Savant compared to you.
I am convinced that Ken and the Puppy Angel are one~
I am still convinced that Ken and the Puppy Angel are one~
But, if it were Ken, wouldn't it be the Puppy Angle?
Maybe he learned to spell?
Spaniels! Spaniels! Spaniels!
Glad I stopped by.
Hi, J. Keith. You're another returnee! And I guess we do have a few spaniels on the blog, but we've got other dogs, too. Let's see, a shitzu or two, a couple of Labs, a BEAGLE -- but spaniels are very popular, and they tend to photograph really well. I mean, look at Lily. She was born to be on the covers of fashion magazines.
Eeek! Did I really just say that?
It must be the new medication my guardian gives me for my night terrors taking effect~
I just never get any credit. And if you saw some professionally done pics of me right after a good trim, I can be a pretty handsome guy and cute too.
I know though, its labs, beagles, shitzu's, and spaniels. No lil ole chocolate toy poodles, even one with champion bloodlines. Ho hum, I'm goin' to bed. Nothing I'm going to lose sleep over.
Hope Lulu is surviving. Won't be long till Rockie's back !
Don't worry, Nestle. My guardian told me to tell you that she plans to use your cute picture. She's very into all things French, you know? At least she used to be when she was younger and had a figure.
I think you'll be pleased with what she's got in mind for the coming weekend, which is usually when she changes the pictures~
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