LuLu's Desperate House Dogs is a blog about an eccentric little Beagle named LuLu, who, along with her sister Sadie (a Whippet/Terrier/Beagle blend), writes the lurid Puppies in Lust series, and absorbs local color in an idyllic, off-the-leash, canine-centered village known as Lincoln Park~
Tonight! Sam and his friends return to the Gatthamer mansion to look for the 'Diamond Dogs' -- as our mystery continues. (Photo by J.M. Hilton) If you would like to read our story from the beginning, click on 03/06/07 in our archives~
posted by LuLu @ 10:08 PM
LuLu's Desperate House Dogs is a blog about an eccentric little Beagle named LuLu, who, along with her sister Sadie (a Whippet/Terrier/Beagle blend), writes the lurid Puppies in Lust series, and absorbs local color in an idyllic, off-the-leash, canine-centered village known as Lincoln Park~
I am a single five-year-old female Beagle, shown here by myself, while my mix-up of a sister sings the praises of mutts on my blog. Well, let her. I have a most intriguing (one might even say lascivious) past, at least according to my autobiography. In a former lifetime I was Queen Elizabeth the Ist of England, and later on (among others) I was Nell Gwynn, Pauline Borghese, Louise Brooks, and eventually just lovable, neurotic, adorable ME. I have a perfectly charming, albeit very annoying, sister named Sadie. She's rarely plagued by conscience, possibly because she's a Sagittarius. To date she has attempted to steal most of my boyfriends, meaning we're quite used to fighting over bones. Sadie and I are the same age, although she's the adopted one. We do have a fair amount of things in common. For example, she was once Mary Queen of Scots, and later on both Barbara Villiers and Marlene Dietrich. Amazingly we get along -- at least when we're before the public~
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The Maltese Chew Toy (continued...)
Previously on MCT: Brigid the Maltese finally came Fels Naptha clean (we hope!) about the "Diamond Dog" diamonds, which, according to former guard dog Murray, are buried somewhere on the Gatthamer property. Brigid offered Sam and Murray part of the loot if they would help her dig it up, and the horde of dogs, with the exception of Effie the beagle, rushed off in all directions -- hoping for the big payoff....
"I'm never been so uncomfortable in my entire life!" arfed Iva, as she hopped off the running board of a sleek Duesenberg, and tumbled against Brigid and Cairo, who had chosen a somewhat wilder ride on a bottle-green MG Tourer.
Brigid looked exhilarated, and Sam, bounding off the back of a truck with Murray by his side, once again felt the strange pull which defied common sense and kept him barking in her orbit.
"There's a light on in the mansion," Murray observed. "Two in fact -- one in the main salon and one in the kitchen."
"Well, why wouldn't there be?" snapped Brigid. "Mr. Webley-Fosbery is still living there while taking care of his son."
"Just making an observation, sister," Murray replied. "No need to bite my head off."
"My hair is so windblown, my ears have become uncurled," whined Iva. "By the way, where's Effie?"
Brigid gave out with a slight, surprised little yip. "That bitch! She's got my diamond collar! I'm going back for it."
"But we're HERE!" barked Cairo. "Let's get the Diamond Dogs first, Brigid. Let's finally put this story to bed."
Sam sat down and scratched at a flea. "You know, Cairo, once in a while I get a weird vibe from you...a weird vibe like you've actually got it in you."
"Got what in me?" asked the smaller dog.
"That's what I'm still trying to figure out."
Murray barked a laugh. "Good one, son."
"I think I broke a nail when my paws hit the street," Iva continued to complain.
"Oh, get a muzzle!" snapped Brigid. "All right, Cairo, we'll do it your way," she said.
"That's part of IT," Sam told him.
Cairo looked confused.
(Story continued below...)
Story cont'd...
It was close to noon, and the dogs had to dodge cars as they crossed the street. Iva stuck close to Murray, but Brigid trotted ahead, leading the pack.
"What a dame!" thought Sam.
"How on earth do we break into this place?" arfed Iva. "Look at the fence! A well-oiled ground squirrel couldn't squeeze in there."
"Around back," said Brigid, sounding bored, "there's a rip in the cover on one of the heating system pipes. I should know -- I put it there. We'll wind up in the pool house, dear. I trust the humidity won't kill you?"
Iva growled but Brigid, already heading for the back part of the property, pawfully ignored her.
"Murray's too big to squeeze in there," Iva pointed out when she saw the pipe, "and I want to stay with Murray!"
"As you wish," said Brigid, "but my guess is that Murray's going to jump the fence. Do you really think you're up to it, dear? To be candid, I've seen better muscle tone on Chihuahuas suffering from pellagra."
"Wait a minute, Brigid," barked Cairo, before Iva could lunge, "How do we know the heat's not on?"
Brigid, who was almost ready to stick her fluffy head inside the pipe, turned around and stared at him. "Oh, for Dog's sake! Cairo, it's a warm day. Secondly, the only two-footers living in the mansion are Mr. Webley-Fosbery and his injured son. Everybody else is dead. Use your little gray cells!"
"What's that?" he asked.
"Part of IT," Sam teased him.
"Well, are we going in, or aren't we?" Brigid demanded. "Five dogs standing out here on the sidewalk make a great target for the dogcatcher -- right, Sam?"
"You learn fast," he told her.
"Go ahead, Tickle-Nose," Murray coaxed Iva. "It'll be all right."
"Tickle-Nose?" Sam thumped his tail.
Murray grinned at him. "Now, don't tell me you haven't got a few honeydew names for Effie?"
"Do you dogs MIND?" Brigid prodded, and Sam hoped she might be jealous.
"I think we should be pulling off this caper at night," ventured Iva. "It's broad daylight out here -- and we're going to be digging up the yard?"
Brigid heaved a sigh of exasperation. "Look, shall we take a vote on this expedition, or what? As Cairo says -- we're here."
"I'm in," barked Sam, and Murray nodded his head in tacit agreement.
"Oh, all right," Iva conceded, "but if something goes wrong, don't anybody even dream of blaming me."
"Let's go then," said Brigid, who promptly squeezed her way inside the pipe. A few minutes later they heard her bark -- it sounded a long, long way off, but the bark was definitely Brigid's.
Cairo shook his stubby tail. "She made it -- I'm next."
"I can't do this!" Iva howled as the little pug's backside disappeared into the maw of the heating pipe. "Oh, Murray, I just realized something."
"What is it, Eiderdown-Ears?" he asked her, while Sam struggled to believe his.
"I'm claustrophobic!"
(Story continued below...)
Story cont'd....
"Iva!" barked Sam. "Iva, quick! It's the dogcatcher! Get inside!"
Iva shot into the heating pipe with Sam right behind her, tailing her as closely as a Siamese twin with separation anxiety.
"What about Murray?" she howled.
"Keep going!" he woofed.
"Welcome to the pool house," said Brigid, as Iva landed in a puddle only inches from the edge of the pool.
Murray came charging through the doorway just as she was getting to her paws. "The dogcatcher didn't get you!"
"That was a pile-of-it thing to yank her leash with, son," Murray told Sam.
"I had to get her into the pipe someway," Sam explained.
"You lied to me!" barked Iva.
"Well, yes. Yes, I did." He did not sound apologetic.
"But I'm about to whelp!"
"Look," said Brigid, "we believe there's a fortune in diamonds buried somewhere on this property. If you mutts don't mind, could you continue your tasteless family feud back in Dogpatch, or whatever it is you call that pathetic slum where you all bunk down together? I WANT THOSE DIAMONDS DOGS!"
Iva bared her teeth. "You've got a good rip on the shoulder coming, you combed-out tramp!"
"Could we please focus on the diamonds?" arfed Cairo. "Where exactly did Mr. Webley-Fosbery bury the box?" he asked Murray.
Murray sat down and studied his paws. "Let me think."
"Good show of IT, Cairo," commented Sam, winking at Murray
"Oh, shut up, Sam!" snarled Iva.
"Shut up yourself!" snapped Brigid.
"By the topiary!" barked Murray.
"What?" arfed Cairo.
"No, wait. It was UNDER the topiary."
"That's IT!" howled Sam, making for the door.
(Story continued next week....)
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