Lily's psychic aunt, Madame Spirea, predicts strange happenings in April. "Get flea dipped early," she cautions, "and don't forget about your dog..."
posted by LuLu @ 10:27 PM
LuLu's Desperate House Dogs (formerly the Bow Wow Blog)
LuLu's Desperate House Dogs is a blog about an eccentric little Beagle named LuLu, who, along with her sister Sadie (a Whippet/Terrier/Beagle blend), writes the lurid Puppies in Lust series, and absorbs local color in an idyllic, off-the-leash, canine-centered village known as Lincoln Park~
Tuesday, April 11, 2006
Lily's psychic aunt, Madame Spirea, predicts strange happenings in April. "Get flea dipped early," she cautions, "and don't forget about your dog..."
LuLu's Desperate House Dogs (formerly the Bow Wow Blog)
LuLu's Desperate House Dogs is a blog about an eccentric little Beagle named LuLu, who, along with her sister Sadie (a Whippet/Terrier/Beagle blend), writes the lurid Puppies in Lust series, and absorbs local color in an idyllic, off-the-leash, canine-centered village known as Lincoln Park~
About Me
- Name: LuLu
I am a single five-year-old female Beagle, shown here by myself, while my mix-up of a sister sings the praises of mutts on my blog. Well, let her. I have a most intriguing (one might even say lascivious) past, at least according to my autobiography. In a former lifetime I was Queen Elizabeth the Ist of England, and later on (among others) I was Nell Gwynn, Pauline Borghese, Louise Brooks, and eventually just lovable, neurotic, adorable ME. I have a perfectly charming, albeit very annoying, sister named Sadie. She's rarely plagued by conscience, possibly because she's a Sagittarius. To date she has attempted to steal most of my boyfriends, meaning we're quite used to fighting over bones. Sadie and I are the same age, although she's the adopted one. We do have a fair amount of things in common. For example, she was once Mary Queen of Scots, and later on both Barbara Villiers and Marlene Dietrich. Amazingly we get along -- at least when we're before the public~
Previous Posts
- The Puppy Parade continues! Callie the puggle main...
- "They named me Pickles because I'm a dilly."
- Where it all began: the starting point of the LDHD...
- Mork and Mindy attempt to check out Wendy the chip...
- The Story thus far...
- Most mischievous puppy on the block? An outraged A...
- Little YoYo takes a look at the park. "Was there r...
- Spencer -- the once and future king of Lincoln Par...
- Morey says: "I don't know what Spencer has planned...
- "Spencer's coronation will make for a better tomor...
Subscribe to
Posts [Atom]
39 Comments:
Madame Spirea,
I am not sure my guardians understand I'm a dog and a boy dog at that. True, I am a poodle, but I'm still a dog. I don't know what to do.
Monday, one of 'em brushed my teeth, then Tuesday the other one bathed me with girlie smelling shampoo, then moussed me! What do they think, Madame S.? I'm not some, heaven forbid, homosapien! I'd like to spray them with flea spray if I could or something worse. What should I do so they won't treat me like some sissy dog?
u ppl r crazy. funny crazy/
Nestle,
Madame Spirea senses that it's still in to be metrosexual. In fact, the concept is only now catching on in the world of ultra chic canines.
Trust me when I tell you that there is more to life than rolling in goose poop, eating raw fish guts, and pooping on the sidewalk.
(And, yes, mine WAS the honeymoon from hell.)
But if you're determined to prove to your guardians that you're as male as Arnold Schwarzenegger sans deodorant, find a dead rat and bring it into the house. (Better yet, find a live rat and bring it into the house.) They'll fast get the picture.
Thanks for the tip, Madame S. Can always count on you.
Sure does look like business is slow for you right now Madame S., must be because Easter and the squirrel run is coming up.
Remember I caught a chipmunk. Her name was Wendy and I didn't hurt her. I only wanted to play with her.
Business doesn't have to be slow for you, madam. I have a lot of questions.
Oh, lily, please-- that was because you're a girl. People don't know it by my park demeneor, but I'm a lil 'he' man. :) Thanks though for saving the chipmunk for my chops. Nothing like chippy-munks.
I'll wait till fiver starts asking his or her questions before I ask anymore.
Business never slows down for Madame Spirea, who channels the spirit of Bullet the Wonder Dog on evenings and weekends...while tending to other esoteric matters...
We all remember that chipmunk, Lily-honey. As I recall she jumped into your mouth one morning, and then tried to sue you for assault. Now she's back? Alas, I fear no good can come of this....
Fiver, I will attempt to answer your questions in due (or doo-doo) time. Give me a chance to first call up the spirits of Sigmund Freud and Carl Jung... not just for you but for Ken, who's already caused both of them to turn over in their graves.
Lily, O, sweet niece of mine, perhaps you ought to take Nestle up on his pseudo-offer. He's a "he-man"? Well, you're always in need of a hero, ducks, and Spencer is somewhat emotionally closed...to assess the matter gently.
Enough outstanding advice for now.
Bullet and Trigger are at each other's throats again.
Madame Spirea sees all -- and sometimes that can be a real bitch.
HIS OR HER? I'm every bit as much of a He Man as you are, Nestle. I just don't live in Lincoln Park where the cute female dogs are. It's not my fault I was born in Michigan instead of paradise.
Don't get your bow-wow twisted over it, Fiver.
SAVE THE SQUIRRELS, CHIPMUNKS, WOODCHUCKS, AND PHALANGERS!!!!!
HUGE RALLY -- EVEN BIGGER THAN THE LAST ONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!AT THE WOODPILE IN THE FOREST ON EASTER SUNDAY MORNING -- COME RAIN OR COME SHINE -- TO STOP THE CANINE IMPOSITION ON THE LIVES OF INNOCENT RODENTS!!!!!!!!! (WE ALSO PLAN TO STOP THE SQUIRREL ROLL!)
FREE FOOD (although you'll have to fight for it), AND ENTERTAINMENT BY THE SEMI-FAMOUS FOLK GROUP: THE WIZENED WEASELS.
FOR MORE INFORMATION, CONTACT ME, SHAMUS O'POSSUM, OR MY GRACIOUS AND LOVELY GIRLFRIEND, THE ASP, VIA THIS BLOG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
(And let's get a few more critters than a senile raccoon, a toothless stray cat, and a seriously peeved chipmunk to start the revolution this time around -- OK, animal kingdom?)
YOURS IN SEETHING CONTEMPT OF JUST ABOUT EVERYTHING -- SHAMUS!
They're going to be saving the philanderers?
Madame Spirea,
I doubt I'm ready to be metrosexual.
Fiver, honey, Madame Spirea has one of her headaches. Got a kick out of Anon's comment, however.
Happy Easter, you crazy dogs.
Quite a storm we had here last night, wasn't it? Madame Spirea, Oh, wise one, do you see more dark skies ahead?
Marta,
Yes, Madame Spirea sees more dark skies ahead...except for those nice humans who occasionally hand over a cute Zanie toy, a fat slice of beef jerky, or part of a sausage to Madame Spirea...even if they are studying for their bar exams.
If this sounds like anyone you know, Marta, keep in mind -- it's been a long time between slices of kielbasa
Madame Spirea,
My housemate Sony wants to know if she is going to catch any squirrels at the squirrel roll. I told her 'fat chance', but she wants you to answer. She'd write but she's resting for the big chase Easter.
Happy Easter all!
Sony, Madame Spirea senses that a fix is in regarding the upcoming squirrel roll.
In other words, don't waste your hunting skills~
ha, a fix, guess it shouldn't surprise me. I'll pass it along to Sony.
It's probably fixed for soon-to-be-leaving king rockie to win. That's good though -- to let him go out 'on a roll', so to speak.
Fixed?, What do you mean, fixed?
Congratulations, Spencer, but Paco says to tell you he wishes he had been involved in the contest.
So who won the squirrel roll?
Spencer?
LuLu, I guess.
Not Lulu, me. I won fair and square!
Spencer,
Tell it to the marsupials!
I met lulu the puggle puppy. 'seh is 2 mos old and too cute. She is not lulus puppy. Her mother was a pug.
Thank you for your input, Anon. I have not met Lulu the puggle as yet, but I know Callie the puggle, who's only seven or eight months old -- and nobody has accused me of being HER mother.
Why? Isn't Callie cute? I've not seen her, thus, an innocent question.
I wish I didn't have to change the topic, lulu and others, but I need Madame Spirea's enlightened insight as something just came up this evening.
One of my guardians is going to a 50's party for the first time Sat. and someone told her about poodle skirts. Madame S. - I'm a poodle!!! I'm in much angst ! What does this mean? A poodle skirt? Is she going to take me to the groomers and have them shave me bald !! Then use my poodle fur for some skirt?
Oh my, where can I hide my hide, Madame S.? This is the worst. I thought the girlie smelling shampoo and mousse was bad. . .
Nestle,
Unless your guardian has joined some Neo-Nazi fringe group, you are worrying needlessly, mon pup.
"Poodle" skirts were all the rage back in that long-ago era when cars instead of rap groups wore grillz, Elvis Presley didn't have a gut, and Lassie had yet to suffer a sexual identity crisis.
The skirts were so named because there was usually a picture of a poodle sewed or imprinted onto the fabric.
So relax, Nestle, and just be glad you're not a chinchilla.
Madame Spirea, thank you so much once again. I was so afraid I would be getting a total buzz cut for some stupid skirt. I just never know what humans will do. Dressed me up like a devil on Halloween!
Oh well. You were also right about the squirrel roll being fixed. Apparently, Spencer, the future park king, cheated so he would win. Can you believe that! I didn't think royalty cheated. What do you think about all this squirrel roll hubbub, Madame S.?
Oh I forgot Madame S. -- why would a corgi live in Michigan of all places? Wolverine country.
Between you and me, Nes, Fiver sounds like a boy who longs to take chances.
Nestle,
Madame Spirea foresees political upheaval in the park. But that's the way of the world, is it not?
As for royalty not cheating. Oh, my dear, they've been at it for years. How do you think they got their crowns to begin with?
At least the emperors of China used punctilious Pekingese dogs for advisors, but matters have been going downhill since.
Madame Spirea,
I am a frustrated beagle. I love a hot, hunky Labrador, although I'll admit to playing the field (and rolling in it) more than I should with other dogs. I've also written a couple of dog-eared books about puppies in heat lusting for love.
But I only did that for dog biscuits! The truth is, I would never really cheat on Rockie, but now there are rumors apaw that I've given birth to a puggle, and I don't even know a pug name Iago.
What do you see in the future for me? If Rockie and I break up, I'll eat poop and die. I am a desperate desperate house dog!
Oh lulu I hope Madame S. has good news for you! We dont want you to "eat goose poop and die." If you see Rockie today, why don't you let him know of your undying, everlasting love for him, before he leaves for the summer.
Madame S., please give lulu good news.
LuLu,
My child, in truth, it is time you cleaned up your act. Consider the old cliche: "Dogs of a type get together to yipe" or "dogs in the muck get together to..." Well, be that as it may, you've got too many bones buried in your backyard, honey, and it's making YOU uncomfortable.
Rockie will be gone for the summer and I see you getting involved with a much younger dog. But since Rockie is likely to be surrounded by a pack of bitches, this may be no big deal, save for your guilty conscience.
As for Iago the pug...two felines close to you are pulling your chain.
Your motto for the summer should be: "I don't care what they bark about me, as long as they mention my name."
You have my pity, lulu. Men can be such runts.
Post a Comment
Subscribe to Post Comments [Atom]
<< Home