"Heeeey there, boys and girls! Welcome to the Holiday Season, 2008. You may be feeling very sad right now because you no longer have a house to live in. Your family needs money BAD, and I'm here to help you. Have you ever thought about becoming a professional pickpocket? You choose the hours and you keep the cash! Just send $25 (much less than Daddy currently blows on booze and other mind-altering substances) to 'Santa's Little Helper,' ELF #87880, The North Pole, and I'll send you a 150-page instruction manual. From now until Thanksgiving, to prove the holiday spirit ain't as dead as Detroit, I'll even throw in a couple of bargain-basement copies of 'Oliver Twist' and 'The Christmas Carol.' That Scrooge now -- what a mark he would have made! Love ya~" (Photo by J.M. Hilton)